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  1. #1
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    Default Toilet training a stubborn four year old!

    HI,

    I am just wondering if anyone has had experience with toilet training an older child who is very stubborn and generally refuses to use the toilet.

    Due to him getting really upset about it we just left it a while and didn't push it but now we are really trying to get him using the toilet before he starts kindergarten in a month's time.

    We now have him in underwear all day but he just won't use the toilet. He holds on for ages or he will just wet himself. Today he even soiled himself. He seems to be refusing to come to us to tell us he needs to go. He has so far used a potty three times but today it was only after I found him sitting on his bed on a towel because he had wet himself. If we even broach the subject now he just shakes his head and refuses to talk about it!!!

    It is like a power struggle now. I have a younger toddler too and a baby on the way and it is like he just wants to hang on to being a baby for some reason.

    Heythere

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    Have you tried rewards like stickers or something? That worked for DD1.
    Also I had her sitting on the toilet playing with my phone, singing songs and readying books even if she didn't do anything. It helped her become familiar with the toilet.

    We started her at 2 and she was completely toilet trained by 2 1/2 but it took alot of patience and reminding her to go to the toilet and sitting with her as well.

    Good luck!

  3. #3
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    Hi,

    Yes we have been putting him there to sit on the toilet hourly or more and have a lolly jar and he gets a lolly everytime he uses it. That has worked to a point. He keeps talking about getting chocolate, maybe I should try that.

    He will sit on the potty but refuses to sit on the big toilet which has a potty seat on it.

    I think the biggest problem is that he is really resisting to try and win the battle, so we are trying to make it more of his responsibility but he will just go and hide and do it, rather than tell us he needs to go!!

    Otherwise he is really bright, just very stubborn!

    Heythere

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    Default Toilet training a stubborn four year old!

    Dd2 was very stubborn toilet training. She has only just in the last week started wearing no nappy to sleep and only in the two weeks before that did she start wearing knickers all the time

    Rewards didn't work. Charts didn't work. It was being told we were disappointed. That she wasn't being a big girl. And finally having her help clean up the accidents. Very quickly she was on that toilet. She has had one accident in the last week. So push on. She didn't take charts or rewards serious. It was all a joke. I was sick of changing her as I have a 6mth old too. It was tough but effective.
    Good luck.

  5. #5
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    is there a reason behind his behavior, other than the power play? has he been constipated or had/have a urinary tract infection or something. It could be worth taking him to a GP or talking to a child health nurse about some strategies?

    If it was my 4 year old son, who is super excited about going to kindy, i would tell him he will not be allowed to go to kindy if he cant use the toilet by himself. I told him he needs to try to do his zippers up for school and do up his own shoes, and he turns from refusing to giving it a red hot go in 2.5 seconds

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    Yes I think that it is definitely a case of he wants to do everything on his terms. My husband was making him sit on he potty regularly and making him stay there and that really didn't work.

    I guess we are just going to have to keep going with it and try the persistent approach.

    One of the big issues is that only once has he come and said he needs to go, the rest of the time he has sat on the potty was from being prompted. Maybe the cleaning up thing might help sounds like it did the trick.

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    The child health nurse just basically said he was too old to be in nappies still and to just put him in underwear or put him outside for sessions with no underwear and he will soon see that he has to go somewhere. But that has not really worked cause he just holds on.

    He has not had any health related issues. Think he is just really stubborn.

    He is not really overly excited about kindergarten so telling him he can't go is probably not going to have much impact on him.

    Definitely a real frustration trying to potty train this one. I really think he is just holding on to being like a baby, like his sibling! He does seem to like everything being done for him.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pregnor View Post
    is there a reason behind his behavior, other than the power play? has he been constipated or had/have a urinary tract infection or something. It could be worth taking him to a GP or talking to a child health nurse about some strategies?

    If it was my 4 year old son, who is super excited about going to kindy, i would tell him he will not be allowed to go to kindy if he cant use the toilet by himself. I told him he needs to try to do his zippers up for school and do up his own shoes, and he turns from refusing to giving it a red hot go in 2.5 seconds

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    This sounds a very familiar story hehe

    At least you had success in the end

    I think our four year old is coming to the realisation that this is how things are now, but he is just trying his best to resist it for as long as possible and only do anything on his terms.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bubs'n'Roses View Post
    Dd2 was very stubborn toilet training. She has only just in the last week started wearing no nappy to sleep and only in the two weeks before that did she start wearing knickers all the time

    Rewards didn't work. Charts didn't work. It was being told we were disappointed. That she wasn't being a big girl. And finally having her help clean up the accidents. Very quickly she was on that toilet. She has had one accident in the last week. So push on. She didn't take charts or rewards serious. It was all a joke. I was sick of changing her as I have a 6mth old too. It was tough but effective.
    Good luck.

  9. #9
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    Default Toilet training a stubborn four year old!

    I probably should have mentioned that she is 3.5. My first daughter was also stubborn and I did the same thing with her, made her clean up the accident. She trained within a week. She was a bit older too I think.


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    Default Re: Toilet training a stubborn four year old!

    What state are you in? If you're in wa ngala would be able to help you with it, there may be similar in your state

    **Mum, Dad, Big boy (Dec 08) and Baby girl (Feb 11)**


 

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