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  1. #1
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    Default Vent about family!!

    Not sure I've put this in the right spot so feel free to move it mods!

    WARNING massively long (probably pointless) post!
    Not quite sure where to start but at the moment I'm not talking to a few family members.
    It's over stuff that's been building for years but I always just kept my mouth shut as it was easier that way but it all kind of came out at Christmas.

    Okay back story, my mum has been married 3 times and really hasn't had good judgement with men. Anyway after her last marriage broke down her and my 18 year old brother moved in with my Grandma. There has been tension ever since. Anyway she has been there over 2 years now and has seen a couple of guys, 2 of them were complete idiots and now she seems to have found a good one. Everyone has an opinion on mums life yet it doesn't come from a good caring place, more judgemental than anything.
    When she started dating this new one I had words with her basically just telling her how I felt (she tends to just do whatever the guy wants and disconnects from the family a bit when she is with a guy so I just expressed my feelings) so we had "words" and it was all good after that. Anyway she had been dating him for a couple of months when he asked her to have Christmas lunch with his family (he also asked all of us too) I didn't mind as my daughter was at her dads house this Christmas so the main family Christmas was going to be on boxing day because of that although I would still go round there for Christmas lunch anyway. My grandma and aunty didn't take it very well that mum wasn't going to be there Christmas and a lot of nasty words were said (nasty words have always been said about my mum for some reason but it's just been building up and getting worse and the Christmas thing just made it all come out I think) so christmas was supposed to be at my aunty's house and because of mum not going to be there on actual christmas day my aunty said she wasn't welcome in her house boxing day. Obviously that would ruin mine and my daughters Christmas if my mum wasn't there so I asked my aunty and asked what the go was and she wrote a whole massive text saying she is really hurt etc. Anyway so after that it really wasn't clear what the plans were for Christmas or boxing day. Nasty comments kept getting back to me about my mum in the weeks before christmas so I just distanced myself from everything as it was just stressing me out. Anyway Christmas eve my uncle picked a fight with me over literally nothing (my mum thinks it's because he thought she would step in to "defend" me so then he could have a go at her, so I was just a way to start something with mum) anyway so myself and my husband were very angry as he was just a total jerk for no reason so we left and he went on to say horrible things to mum and my grandma and him ganged up on her. Anyway I decided not to go to Christmas lunch because of this (I really don't need the stress as I'm very early in my pregnancy and all this stress was making me physically ill) it turned out I was wrapped around the toilet bowl Christmas day so couldn't have gone anyway. I didn't think this was an issue as I was providing our food anyway so no one had gone out of their way for us and we were going to do another lunch (which was our proper one) on boxing day anyway.
    Fast forward to boxing day and I was too sick to drive to get my daughter so my mum offered to go for me, anyway she got to my house at 11:30am to drop my daughter back, we did Santa presents then mum left to call my aunty and see what the plan was. Mum called me at 12:15 and said that apparently my uncle, grandma, aunty and her family were all there waiting for us for "ages" so ended up having lunch without us. Um hello it's 12:15 what time did they start waiting?! They knew thats the time Ella was getting home so technically they were only waiting for 40 mins. So my aunty had a massive go at my mum and said she was putting the kids to bed (they usually sleep at 1:30) so we couldn't come over then anyway. So I cracked it and decided to not go at all, I still wasn't feeling well and I wasn't going to spend my christmas in a tense environment with passive aggressive comments flying everywhere.

    Fast forward to today and I haven't spoken to my aunty and uncle since before Christmas and have hardly spoken to my grandma. I'm not sure what I should do, I know life is too short for these kind of things but I'm getting to a point where I cant handle people like this. I know I've only said one situation but this type of thing has been going on since I can remember, my aunty and uncle are self absorbed and my grandma is seriously nutty. If they weren't family I would have cut them off long ago!

    Anyway before all this my aunty offered for me to use her baby furniture for our baby. After all this though I don't want to feel like I "owe" her anything or let her feel like she's doing such a big favour for us, so after no contact for a month or so how do I decline the offer?

    Also any other advice would be awesome!
    I know this post is massive but I have left out a lot of details so if something doesn't make sense that would be why haha!

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    Default Re: Vent about family!!

    No advice as I still haven't figured out how to handle my bizarre family, but

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    *hugs*
    I don't speak to anyone from my mums side of the family due to too much stress. My situation is a bit different though as I don't speak to my mum either. It's the best thing for me as it's eliminated heaps of stress.

    Personally I think you should limit contact with your aunt and uncle. It's good that you can communicate with your mum and both move on, but it does seem like your aunt and uncle aren't very nice (your uncle starting a fight hoping to get your mum involved? How nice).

    As for the baby furniture, it's up to you. You don't seem to be comfortable taking it so maybe casually drop into conversations with them (if you speak to them that is) that you've picked up this or that. If they want to throw a tanty that's there problem.

    Hopefully something I've said helps. It's cr@p when family acts like this.

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    I feel for you. My family does the exact same thing! There is always a drama. The most smallest things end up becoming fueds which last for years on end. No one talks to my grandparents anymore because of their manipulative behaviour over the last 40 years, and people in my family finally had enough. Then we get the whole "why does no one see us anymore" crap. My family is Italian though, so drama is second nature (think Everybody loves Raymond, the grandmother is exactly like my grandmother except worse!).

    My best advice is to ignore it for a while. Like you said, you are in the early stages of your pregnancy (congratulations!) and you don't need the stress. They will come to you eventually, and then you can make it clear that they can either grow up and act like adults or you will spend less time around them.

    Good luck

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    Default Vent about family!!

    Thanks for listening ladies, it feels so good to get it all out!!

    I totally agree about limiting contact but wasn't sure if that makes me look like the immature one? Not that I care I guess, they are the type of people who will find someone to be nasty and b*tch about even if you're doing everything they want it's never enough!
    Yeah my uncle is a jerk, I've always known it but just accepted that was the way he was. He lives in a different state but comes back once a year and Tells everyone what they should be doing with their lives but doesn't actually help anyone. He is always sitting atop his high and mighty horse! He also looks down on all of us, my aunty does too. They have both been to uni, have good jobs and own their own houses whereas my mum has been divorced a few times with nothing to her name really and I had my daughter young and out of wedlock and am not with her father anymore and never went to uni and have only had retail jobs (which I am totally fine with, I am happy with my life) but they make me feel like I am (and my mum) a lesser person because of this. They never say is straight up but it's very obvious!

    I think I might just text my aunt as I doubt I will see her in the near future and just mention that I've fallen in love with a cot, pram etc. and that I do appreciate her offer though. I can see her reply already though, it'll be something passive aggressive along the lines of "we kept it for you, it's been taking up space, if we had of known we would have gotten rid of it sooner" or something and I'll be the bad one.
    I know it sounds like I'm whinging over nothing but seriously they make everything into something and hardly ever say it to your face but if thy do it's passive aggressive comments, nothing direct.

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    id limit contact with them, you dont need toxic ppl in your life and if they want to be nasty then they are obviously immature. personally if it were me id just cut contact.

    as for the baby things id just get your own even if its second hand off ebay and not worry bout what she says. by the sounds of ur aunty she sounds like the type of person who complains about anything and might even imply that u gave her baby things back in a horrible condition.

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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Default Vent about family!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Minchi View Post
    id limit contact with them, you dont need toxic ppl in your life and if they want to be nasty then they are obviously immature. personally if it were me id just cut contact.

    as for the baby things id just get your own even if its second hand off ebay and not worry bout what she says. by the sounds of ur aunty she sounds like the type of person who complains about anything and might even imply that u gave her baby things back in a horrible condition.
    I agree, toxic people can be just so unpleasant.

    Massive hugs.

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    Default Vent about family!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Minchi View Post
    as for the baby things id just get your own even if its second hand off ebay and not worry bout what she says. by the sounds of ur aunty she sounds like the type of person who complains about anything and might even imply that u gave her baby things back in a horrible condition.
    That's exactly what I was thinking she would do! She honestly doesn't do anything without a motive, she is very much for show as in she likes everyone to think she is perfect and super mum and so lovely but she is completely nasty and it's all fake. When my ex and I broke up she didn't ask me once how me or my daughter was. Even if I did get a word in something worse is always happening to her, so frustrating!!

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    I'd ask myself this question, what am I actually getting out of this relationship with them?

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    Default Vent about family!!

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnyflower View Post
    I'd ask myself this question, what am I actually getting out of this relationship with them?
    Thats a good question and the horrible thing is apart from having a relationship with her children I'm not getting anything at the moment, just a headache really!! You know I was thinking today and we have lived in this house for 18 months now and she has been here less than a handful of times and she lives literally 5 minutes up the road from me yet I go to her house all the time and because she has the biggest house every family thing (like christmas) is there so that also means she takes full control of everything and no one gets a say.
    My uncle doesn't worry me as much as he only comes down once a year (didn't even make the effort of coming down for my wedding as he was "too busy" which was fine) so I don't ever have to see him.
    I guess I'm just whinging really but it's all just gotten to me lately!!


 

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