Not sure I've put this in the right spot so feel free to move it mods!
WARNING massively long (probably pointless) post!
Not quite sure where to start but at the moment I'm not talking to a few family members.
It's over stuff that's been building for years but I always just kept my mouth shut as it was easier that way but it all kind of came out at Christmas.
Okay back story, my mum has been married 3 times and really hasn't had good judgement with men. Anyway after her last marriage broke down her and my 18 year old brother moved in with my Grandma. There has been tension ever since. Anyway she has been there over 2 years now and has seen a couple of guys, 2 of them were complete idiots and now she seems to have found a good one. Everyone has an opinion on mums life yet it doesn't come from a good caring place, more judgemental than anything.
When she started dating this new one I had words with her basically just telling her how I felt (she tends to just do whatever the guy wants and disconnects from the family a bit when she is with a guy so I just expressed my feelings) so we had "words" and it was all good after that. Anyway she had been dating him for a couple of months when he asked her to have Christmas lunch with his family (he also asked all of us too) I didn't mind as my daughter was at her dads house this Christmas so the main family Christmas was going to be on boxing day because of that although I would still go round there for Christmas lunch anyway. My grandma and aunty didn't take it very well that mum wasn't going to be there Christmas and a lot of nasty words were said (nasty words have always been said about my mum for some reason but it's just been building up and getting worse and the Christmas thing just made it all come out I think) so christmas was supposed to be at my aunty's house and because of mum not going to be there on actual christmas day my aunty said she wasn't welcome in her house boxing day. Obviously that would ruin mine and my daughters Christmas if my mum wasn't there so I asked my aunty and asked what the go was and she wrote a whole massive text saying she is really hurt etc. Anyway so after that it really wasn't clear what the plans were for Christmas or boxing day. Nasty comments kept getting back to me about my mum in the weeks before christmas so I just distanced myself from everything as it was just stressing me out. Anyway Christmas eve my uncle picked a fight with me over literally nothing (my mum thinks it's because he thought she would step in to "defend" me so then he could have a go at her, so I was just a way to start something with mum) anyway so myself and my husband were very angry as he was just a total jerk for no reason so we left and he went on to say horrible things to mum and my grandma and him ganged up on her. Anyway I decided not to go to Christmas lunch because of this (I really don't need the stress as I'm very early in my pregnancy and all this stress was making me physically ill) it turned out I was wrapped around the toilet bowl Christmas day so couldn't have gone anyway. I didn't think this was an issue as I was providing our food anyway so no one had gone out of their way for us and we were going to do another lunch (which was our proper one) on boxing day anyway.
Fast forward to boxing day and I was too sick to drive to get my daughter so my mum offered to go for me, anyway she got to my house at 11:30am to drop my daughter back, we did Santa presents then mum left to call my aunty and see what the plan was. Mum called me at 12:15 and said that apparently my uncle, grandma, aunty and her family were all there waiting for us for "ages" so ended up having lunch without us. Um hello it's 12:15 what time did they start waiting?! They knew thats the time Ella was getting home so technically they were only waiting for 40 mins. So my aunty had a massive go at my mum and said she was putting the kids to bed (they usually sleep at 1:30) so we couldn't come over then anyway. So I cracked it and decided to not go at all, I still wasn't feeling well and I wasn't going to spend my christmas in a tense environment with passive aggressive comments flying everywhere.
Fast forward to today and I haven't spoken to my aunty and uncle since before Christmas and have hardly spoken to my grandma. I'm not sure what I should do, I know life is too short for these kind of things but I'm getting to a point where I cant handle people like this. I know I've only said one situation but this type of thing has been going on since I can remember, my aunty and uncle are self absorbed and my grandma is seriously nutty. If they weren't family I would have cut them off long ago!
Anyway before all this my aunty offered for me to use her baby furniture for our baby. After all this though I don't want to feel like I "owe" her anything or let her feel like she's doing such a big favour for us, so after no contact for a month or so how do I decline the offer?
Also any other advice would be awesome!
I know this post is massive but I have left out a lot of details so if something doesn't make sense that would be why haha!