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  1. #1
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    Default Anyone using Donor Sperm with IVF?

    Hi, thought I'd post a thread to see who else is cycling or has conceived with donor sperm? I am about to have EPU for our first donor sperm cycle and would love to hear from anyone who has conceived or is trying to conceive this way!
    Tell me your experiences and thoughts - how has it been for you? Looking for support with this journey.
    I and my DH have personally struggled a lot with this decision. I considered not using donor sperm at all and never having children, or continuing to try with DH's sperm even though the fertility specialist told us it was a waste of time and money. I read lots of books about it and we visited a child psychologist to discuss what issues she sees with children conceived in this way and what we could expect as parents of this child/ren. I tortured myself with whether this was the right thing to do for us and cried a lot. My DH has been very supportive and just wants us to have the chance to raise a family no matter whose genetic material we use, but I took a long time coming to terms with the decision and even now I still feel very sad that we may never have children who are biologically related to my DH. And I worry about how the child/ren will feel about it and whether they will regret being conceived in this way, if they will want to meet the donor and then if the donor will even agree to meet them, and how they will feel if the donor says no to a meeting.

    Worried about the impact on a child of not being able to know their biological parent whilst growing up, I originally wanted to use a known donor but that didn't work out. After waiting for months for a friend who had offered to be our donor to get tests done etc he still hadn't even made a Drs appointment. I decided that I couldn't wait forever and that I would rather deal with the consequences of using an anonymous donor who the child could not even contact until they turned 18, than never have a child at all. I am hoping that a loving upbringing with two parents who want him/her/them very much is going to be enough to offset whatever distress the child/ren may feel at not knowing their biological parent whilst growing up.

    After 16 weeks on the waiting list we were able to pick a donor from IVF Australia, a very strange experience picking the potential biological father of our child from a 3 page very basic summary and one picture of the donor as a child. Now that we are really doing this it is both exciting, scary and sad. I finally have to accept that creating a child with the man I love is not going to happen.

    It is a hard journey and I am much more emotionally fragile about having to do the whole IVF thing this cycle as I feel I am dealing with a "double whammy" - not only do I have to go through this difficult process to get pregnant, I can't even have my partner's child, something the whole world seems to take for granted. There are probably plenty of others going through this but I never get to talk to them, it is an invisible problem and I feel very isolated at times, walking through the supermarket avoiding looking at families with small kids and wondering if this pain will ever go away.

    Anyway thanks for reading and I would love to hear from anyone going through this too!

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to vetttc For This Useful Post:

    MGC Bertie  (01-01-2013),mrsjones  (11-03-2013)

  3. #2
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    Vetttc.... I know exactly how you feel, as we are pretty much in the same boat as you. We have just one more shot at having our own biological child, as Dr Golovsky is going to do a micro-dissection in Feb/Mar, but we have decided that we will have donor sperm as back-up, and then just donor sperm for any other tries after that. Yes, I have cried my eyes out and even DH has shed some tears!! We've been through such a lot of emotions in the past year, and I feel the same, in that no-one in my "real" world (apart from our parents) knows about our struggle. I don't know anyone who has done IVF, and for the past nine months have been batting away "are you pregnant yet?" questions like flies, but at the same time trying to light-hearted about it, when sometimes, I just feel like yelling at people to stop asking me that!!

    I was interested to read that it took you 16 weeks to get to the top of the IVFA donor sperm list. We put our name down at the end of October and was hoping it would be soon at the top, as having to wait still another month or two would be painful. Have you any idea why they can't just put more donors on the list, since the demand seems to be there?

    Anyhow, good luck. I will be following your journey with interest. Fingers crossed for you :-)

  4. #3
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    Default Anyone using Donor Sperm with IVF?

    Hi Bertie thanks for your post it is good to know we are not alone... iVFA has a limited number of donors because since they changed the law in nsw less men are donating as they are worried about being contacted when the child turns 18. There are a few USA donors but limited as they have to comply with the same nsw legislation. Basically there is a massive donor shortage in nsw i'm not sure how it is in other states. When we got to the top of the list there wasn't much choice at all... I really hope you get success with the micro dissection ! Fingers crossed for you !

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    Hi. We went through all those emotions when deciding if to go donor or not, and if to go related or anonymous. We tried related first (FIL), and when that didn't work out after 4 stims we went anonymous.
    We didn't get a childhood photo of any of our donors, just the 4 page PDF of their profile. This was also through IVFA.

    The counsellor warned us that when we got a BFP we might feel the grief again about not using DH's sperm, but that didn't happen. It's been happy all the way. DS&DD were born a few months ago (and down to just this one night feed, so yay! for getting sleep again! - atm: settling DS in front of lullaby music playing on the computer).

    Even though we were only given the profiles of 4 donors, our perfect one was in there (CBH). It's uncanny just how much DS and DD are like DH already. Sometimes we wonder if the donor is actually some unknown relative of his due to similarities. Our donor is open to contact being made before our children are 18. Although we don't intend to make contact for ourselves, we are thrilled the option is there if our children want us to use it.

    For many people, if they asked about when we were going to get pregnant or made any other comment implying it should be easy to have kids, they got the IVF truth, sometimes with tears.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to felicita For This Useful Post:

    MGC Bertie  (02-01-2013)

  7. #5
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    Default Anyone using Donor Sperm with IVF?

    Wow thanks so much felicita for sharing your story ! Gives me hope that things can work out. Congratulations on your miracle babies !

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to vetttc For This Useful Post:

    MGC Bertie  (02-01-2013)

  9. #6
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    vetttc: just read your profile. It was also our 6th stim when we went anonymous donor.

    Unfortunately changing sperm didn't miraculously produce blastocysts and frosties for us.

    The results from our first anon. donor cycle were just as bad as with the original donor, so we were advised not to return to the bottom of the waiting list after our 3 tries but to consider egg donor if we wanted to keep going. (IVFA only let you have 3 tries before paying to go back to the bottom of the list. It makes sense on a population level, but really hurts on a personal level when it's not working.)

    So we gave up hope after stim#6 didn't work, but in order to have no regrets (a key factor in IVFing) we were determined to use all three tries with anonymous donor. Knowing that #7 was our second-to-last cycle I needed a good psychologist to help me through it. I felt both continuing and giving up were too difficult. #8 was less stressful even though it was to be our last try before that door closed, and no others were yet open. Perhaps it was easier because I'd gone through most of the grieving by then.

    Those last two cycles included LH supplementation for me - even though when we started I wasn't supposed to have any issues, but low LH during stims started showing up in later cycles. #7 used Pregnyl for LH boost and we got our first early-blast. #8 used Luveris, and bubs were still only morulas on day 5 (like most of our transfers) but something worked.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to felicita For This Useful Post:

    MGC Bertie  (02-01-2013)

  11. #7
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    Default Anyone using Donor Sperm with IVF?

    Wow felicita that's amazing ! Just when you had given up hope! What an inspirational story I hope mine turns out to be the same

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to vetttc For This Useful Post:

    MGC Bertie  (02-01-2013)

  13. #8
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    I don't.
    I hope your first donor cycle works beyond your wildest dreams and you don't give up hope and you get to go back to use your bazillion frosties and raise a cricket team of your own.

  14. #9
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    Default Anyone using Donor Sperm with IVF?

    Well now that you put it that way. - yes that sounds great

  15. #10
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    You might consider grabbing the kids book 'Sometimes it takes 3 to make a baby'


 

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