Hi, thought I'd post a thread to see who else is cycling or has conceived with donor sperm? I am about to have EPU for our first donor sperm cycle and would love to hear from anyone who has conceived or is trying to conceive this way!
Tell me your experiences and thoughts - how has it been for you? Looking for support with this journey.
I and my DH have personally struggled a lot with this decision. I considered not using donor sperm at all and never having children, or continuing to try with DH's sperm even though the fertility specialist told us it was a waste of time and money. I read lots of books about it and we visited a child psychologist to discuss what issues she sees with children conceived in this way and what we could expect as parents of this child/ren. I tortured myself with whether this was the right thing to do for us and cried a lot. My DH has been very supportive and just wants us to have the chance to raise a family no matter whose genetic material we use, but I took a long time coming to terms with the decision and even now I still feel very sad that we may never have children who are biologically related to my DH. And I worry about how the child/ren will feel about it and whether they will regret being conceived in this way, if they will want to meet the donor and then if the donor will even agree to meet them, and how they will feel if the donor says no to a meeting.
Worried about the impact on a child of not being able to know their biological parent whilst growing up, I originally wanted to use a known donor but that didn't work out. After waiting for months for a friend who had offered to be our donor to get tests done etc he still hadn't even made a Drs appointment. I decided that I couldn't wait forever and that I would rather deal with the consequences of using an anonymous donor who the child could not even contact until they turned 18, than never have a child at all. I am hoping that a loving upbringing with two parents who want him/her/them very much is going to be enough to offset whatever distress the child/ren may feel at not knowing their biological parent whilst growing up.
After 16 weeks on the waiting list we were able to pick a donor from IVF Australia, a very strange experience picking the potential biological father of our child from a 3 page very basic summary and one picture of the donor as a child. Now that we are really doing this it is both exciting, scary and sad. I finally have to accept that creating a child with the man I love is not going to happen.
It is a hard journey and I am much more emotionally fragile about having to do the whole IVF thing this cycle as I feel I am dealing with a "double whammy" - not only do I have to go through this difficult process to get pregnant, I can't even have my partner's child, something the whole world seems to take for granted. There are probably plenty of others going through this but I never get to talk to them, it is an invisible problem and I feel very isolated at times, walking through the supermarket avoiding looking at families with small kids and wondering if this pain will ever go away.
Anyway thanks for reading and I would love to hear from anyone going through this too!