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  1. #11
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    Default Do you think this is unfair? *long*

    The problem is he is quite scared of me and so for example if the children come and jump on me he isn't comfortable talking charge and will just call them from a distance .... He is 'from the village' etc.

    I told dh to try and turn this from a employment situation to a short holiday situation (and somehow get him out of the spare room) but dh can't do anything calmly and I think has sent him a nasty text (probably putting it all on me)

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    The problem is he is quite scared of me and so for example if the children come and jump on me he isn't comfortable talking charge and will just call them from a distance .... He is 'from the village' etc.

    I told dh to try and turn this from a employment situation to a short holiday situation (and somehow get him out of the spare room) but dh can't do anything calmly and I think has sent him a nasty text (probably putting it all on me)
    That's no good - sounds like things are likely to deteriorate pretty quickly if that has occurred.

    I was going to suggest as a PP has that you give him a very clear instruction sheet on his tasks and responsibilities, and what you expect of him, then let him do it. We've used nannies a lot over the years and you have to be very clear what you want them to do (down to the most minute detail - what each child eats, when, where they'll find everything etc), what activities the kids enjoy, where to take them if he's to go out with them etc. The more info you give the better job they do - even the professionals. As a lawyer with 20 years' experience I still need instructions when I start a new job and a nanny is no different.

    If you can do that, then put him on a trial period and see how it goes. If it's still not working at least you can say you gave it a proper shot.

    As for being scared of you, nannying with the mother in the house is extremely difficult for even experienced nannies as kids usually prefer their mothers. it takes time for them to win over the trust of the children.

    that's why it's so much easier hiring a professional who you can give instructions to and directions without feeling like you're upsetting them.

    Good luck

  3. #13
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    Default Do you think this is unfair? *long*

    Thanks sonjA I totally agree. Dh and I are now arguing as I'm saying the brother has done nothing wrong as hours and duties were never explained to him . I agree he should have known not to take off all weekend in the circumstances but he is a young single guy in the big city with money in his pocket and that's what happens.

    I blame dh for all this lol

  4. #14
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    Sounds like you're both exhausted and just trying to get through each day. Not sure if you've had an emergency caesar before but they can be rough and the recovery takes time. Not an ideal time to be negotiating with a new nanny who is also a remote family member!

    I would sit down and do the paperwork then give it to my DH as a done deal. Once you've agreed the details sit down with your BIL and explain the expectations.

  5. #15
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    Default Do you think this is unfair? *long*

    I did have one for my second but after 2 vbacs this was very unexpected. I had the most horrible experience developing an infection after prolonged rupture of membranes, turned septic etc and was very sick indeed. I feel physically drained.

    We do have a housekeeper so minimal housework has been needed but its been mostly weekend or Christmas break so she hasn't
    been here anyway.

    But I had to start working again straight away etc (very easy, just a few hours from bed).

    I will give it a go re writing out hours, days off, jobs etc but I think we are going to have to cut this short anyway as I want someone with child care
    Quals and experience (he is very used to children but wouldn't occur to him to organise them for an hours activity etc which needs to happen with so many )

    Excuse giant essays lol

  6. #16
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    Default Do you think this is unfair? *long*

    Personally I wouldn't have agreed to him in the first place - not only had you not met him, but your DH barely knew him either. But that can't be changed now!

    Whilst I agree with PP and think you need to do the best for yourself...I also think he deserves another chance with his responsibilities clearly explained to him. It doesn't sound as though your DH did this initially, so not really the bil's fault. He may ten make the decision easier for you and say 'this isn't for me!'.

    Good luck, either way it's tough on you and I hope you are managing to keep your feet up.

  7. #17
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    Default Do you think this is unfair? *long*

    I know... I actually said no, but then the day after the birth when we were trying t figure out how on earth would manage after a c-sec, dh rang me in hospital to say he'd spoken to his brother and he could fly out that day - in the circumstances it seemed better than nothing

  8. #18
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    Default Do you think this is unfair? *long*

    Can't your hubby just chat to your BIL and outline some things?

    He could draw up a roster of shared duties and give it to BiL to comment on. The 14 year old could be included too for some pocketmoney. The BIl should get time off on the roster. Your hubby could tell BiL he wanted to do a roster to 'make sure BIL got plenty of time to do things he wants to.'

    How much of an allowance are you paying him? Unless its a decent amount ($100 day?) you can't expect anymore than a few hours work.

    The answer may very well be that the best thing is to get a nanny. However especially when family is involved you owe it to them to go through the right processes first (outline duties, expectations etc). Elsewhere an employer can't just sack an employee when they haven't even done their own job properly (outlined duties, provided training etc).

    Is there any reason why having your kids in daycare instead of at home needs to end? Sounds to me like it would be a good thing right now..

    5 kids... Hats off to you and good luck!

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    How much of an allowance are you paying him? Unless its a decent amount ($100 day?) you can't expect anymore than a few hours work.
    that's not my experience. If you're also providing food and accommodation you expect a full days' work for not a heck of a lot of pay each day. That's the usual arrangements with au pairs.

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    Izy  (30-12-2012),Missbean  (31-12-2012)

  11. #20
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    Default Do you think this is unfair? *long*

    Just lost all my reply!

    Vic park obviously you aren't aware of this but about $200 a week for 20-30 hours is standards for a au pair, as the room and board, foxtel and wifi and the rest of it is worth several hundred dollars.

    You can actually get an untrained demi pair for 20 hours week free, just provide room and board.

    I am really looking forward to spending some one on one time with the kids, but can't take a full day off working. Would have to make the time up after bedtime but that is ok as I love my job.

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Chew the Mintie For This Useful Post:

    Sonja  (30-12-2012),trishalishous  (30-12-2012)


 

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