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  1. #11
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    Default factors of long term relationships as apposed to 2 yr relationships ur thoughts pls

    I think the honeymoon period depends on age.

    My now husband and I were both 29 when we met. We instantly connected like we'd never connected with previous partners. I knew he was the one after we went on our first date, and here we are with 3 kids and a house.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    When I talk about a throw away society I am more talking about married people or those living together and have taken that step into a real relationship not just dating
    I don't necessarily think even that is throw away. People are generally just pursuing happiness, and I am so glad we now can...unlike my poor grandma who will never know it because divorce was such a no-no in her day.

    people change, people fall out of love. I don't see the point in being a matyr for the sake of staying together. I couldn't be happier now that I ended a long-term relationship in which we had a child. I was miserable and now couldn't be happier. If this is a result of a 'throw away' society then thank goodness we live in a throw away society!

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  4. #13
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    Default factors of long term relationships as apposed to 2 yr relationships ur thoughts pls

    Big Red V my situation is the same - got together at 28 - knew after the first date he was the one - been married for 1 year - together for 3 years and have an almost 2 year d and are ttc no 2

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    I think its commitment, when couples go through tough times how committed are they to weather the storm and work towards a better relationship?
    And expectation, if you expect your relationship to be like it is in the first 6 months forever then its unrealistic...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I don't necessarily think even that is throw away. People are generally just pursuing happiness, and I am so glad we now can...unlike my poor grandma who will never know it because divorce was such a no-no in her day.

    people change, people fall out of love. I don't see the point in being a matyr for the sake of staying together. I couldn't be happier now that I ended a long-term relationship in which we had a child. I was miserable and now couldn't be happier. If this is a result of a 'throw away' society then thank goodness we live in a throw away society!
    Completely agree. I planned to stay married until I die. But thank god people now have the power to leave unhappy relationships. I would rather be divorced and happy than to spend the next 40 years in a union where there is no love, respect or common ground. Actually sounds like hell to me...

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  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I don't necessarily think even that is throw away. People are generally just pursuing happiness, and I am so glad we now can...unlike my poor grandma who will never know it because divorce was such a no-no in her day.

    people change, people fall out of love. I don't see the point in being a matyr for the sake of staying together. I couldn't be happier now that I ended a long-term relationship in which we had a child. I was miserable and now couldn't be happier. If this is a result of a 'throw away' society then thank goodness we live in a throw away society!
    I agree. I don't think we live in a throw away society I just think people especially women now have the option of leaving.
    Just because people stayed together back in the old days doesn't mean they where happy. Both my mum and my uncle where pretty much forced into marriage. My mum divorced and my uncle lived a miserable life for a long time.

    I don't think many people say "oh can't be bothered I want a divorce".
    Many people try very hard for relationships to work. But sometimes it just doesn't maybe the spark is just gone.
    I also don't think people should always be "working" on their relationship. Of course there are times when things are difficult and you need to work on it but if you are always trying to be happy or stay together there is something wrong.

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    Default Re: factors of long term relationships as apposed to 2 yr relationships

    My DH met his ex wife at 17 and they were together jfor 19 years - they had been separated for over a year when I met them both and were stuck in a stale loop of "working things out" - she didn't stop any of the behaviours which caused him to kick her out, but he still wanted to provide the best possible scenario for their kids, even though they weren't living together.

    When he finally cut ties with her for good (in every way but parenting), an interesting thing that came out of it was they both agreed there was probably about 5 years total that were good out of all that time they were together.

    We were dating for 6 months before we went on a major holiday and moved in together. We got married after dating for 2 years, and 7 months on we're now building a house and ttc our first baby.

    It hasn't been sunshine and roses all the time, we've had some big arguments, a lot of adjustment (particularly for me getting used to having step kids), but some pretty amazing experiences which have forged us together.

    Being friends beforehand helped a lot. There were no real surprises when we first started living together, we talk constantly and have a deep understanding of how the other person thinks and feels - despite our relationship fitting into this so called "honeymoon phase".

    My parents (still married and totally in love for over 30+ yrs) live by the saying "never let the sun set on an argument", which we've also adopted. Even if we're up to the small hours of the morning, we figure things out, talk and cry and love each other until whatever the disagreement is has been resolved. Yes I've been to work tired on a couple of occasions, but I've never gone to sleep being angry at my husband., I love him more every single day.

  11. #18
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Shared goals and beliefs - eg parenting, politics, that infidelity is not acceptable
    A friendship
    Patience and acceptance of the little things while standing strong on the deal breakers
    Communication
    Honesty
    These + Respect & Attraction

    DF moved in after 2 weeks of dating (had known each other for a few weeks a work) we were engaged 6 months later and were pregnant with DS1 just over 5 months after that (planned). I really think communication is the key one!

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    I think some people are suited to being in long term relationships and some people just aren't. Unfortunately we are taught from a very young age that life is all about the search for "the one", which leads to a lot of unhappiness and confusion in people who aren't that way inclined. At least these days you don't have to stay and be unhappy.

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    Default factors of long term relationships as apposed to 2 yr relationships ur thoughts pls

    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    I think some people are suited to being in long term relationships and some people just aren't.
    I agree with this.

    I'm a 'stayer'. I had a few brief 'flings' in my late teens, early twenties, but other than that I've had two relationships, one that lasted 3.5 years, and my current one with my now DH (about 5.5 years now).

    On the other hand I have a colleague that's in her late 30's and has been married 4 times. She just doesn't know how to be in a relationship once the initial, exciting phase is over, and she's not really interested in finding out.


 

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