+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 29
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    224
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    5
    Reviews
    0

    Default factors of long term relationships as apposed to 2 yr relationships ur thoughts pls

    I've been wondering about why some relationships last on and on for decades
    while others last 1 or 2 years.
    obviously my interest is in the factors that can make a relationship last decades rather than short term

    I think about this as i know alot of good quality people who seem to have alot of 2 or 3 year relationships

    here are some possibilities i've come up with but i'd like to hear more from others about this.

    1 compatibility

    2 communication

    3 if you dont live together its easier to get over negatives and keep going on and on

    4 some people dont move on quickly when they should, or when maybe others would
    they focus on the good and love that so much, when they should be running from the bad,
    while others move on faster when things go back or when there are fights
    maybe they hope for longer than others that things will change
    maybe the good keeps them in it despite the bad

    5 theres something keeping one or both of them there, finances, practical help, friendship, so even if theres bad they keep coming back

    6 some couples move very fast to spend alot of time together and then once the initial hot attraction fizzels they dont know how to move on from that first initial romance stage, to the next stage of long term relationships , and so they think something is wrong and keep looking for the initial high of the first 2 years of a new romantic relationship , thus they have a string of 1 or 2 or 3 yr relationships

    7 kids involved

    8 sometimes it can take years to really absorb the bad and that it wont change
    or to see repetitive patterns and realise the bad over time,

    9 dr phil says letting the other save face in fights rather than really putting them down

    10 flexibility , not rigid rules, eg that both can do alot individually so both dont have to do huge amounts of things together on and on for years despite the ups and downs of life

    flexibility to navigate all sorts of changes in each other, jobs, kids, pressures

    11 both feeling they are gaining enough and not losing too much in any way that both benefit in some way and both dont feel too pressurised or too many losses in too many ways

    i'd love to hear more thoughts pls.

    12 they fight but it doesnt destroy everythging they still keep at it despite being at odds at times for some things, maybe they stay away from each other a bit whether for some hours, days or weeks but they come back to it and keep plodding along and enjoying the good

    13 people who are more game to move on and try again with someone else hoping it will work better as aposed to those who feel that anyone will have good and bad and they feel theres enough good and not enough bad to make them feel the grass is greener on the other side

    14 some people have lots of energy and maybe success at dating while others find dating very hard, or have other factors that make them feel its too hard to move on, work , kids, weight,
    Last edited by sylvia1111; 29-12-2012 at 12:11.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    8,544
    Thanks
    1,351
    Thanked
    2,307
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I think because basically we have become a throwaway society, if your over it, throw it away. There is no commitment from the outset, people go into relationships with divorce as an option. Also when people just live together instead of getting married, psychologically there can be less of a sense of commitment ....

    And I also think that because so many kids are from divorced patents there is less role modeling of healthy relationships that people have fought for.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to sunnyflower For This Useful Post:

    jagamoe  (01-02-2013),LoveLivesHere  (29-12-2012)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    1-2 years is still the 'getting to know you' phase so a lot would date for this amount of time and realise he/she is not the one. This isn't a failure, there is absolutely nothing wrong with dating someone and moving on. Not many people would meet the right one for them if we had to stay with a person simply because we decided to date them and could therefore never leave. I think the failed relationships are those like my grandparent's - quite obviously dislike each other and make each other miserable, stress the kids out with their bickering and unhappiness but stay for the sake of staying. What a crappy, pointless life.

  5. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Benji For This Useful Post:

    Boobycino  (29-12-2012),ChickyBee  (29-12-2012),Ellewood  (29-12-2012),headoverfeet  (29-12-2012),HowCrazyCool  (29-12-2012),SassyMummy  (29-12-2012),shelle65  (29-12-2012),Stiflers Mom  (29-12-2012),wrena  (29-12-2012)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    206
    Thanks
    7
    Thanked
    76
    Reviews
    0

    Default factors of long term relationships as apposed to 2 yr relationships ur thoughts pls

    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    1-2 years is still the 'getting to know you' phase so a lot would date for this amount of time and realise he/she is not the one. This isn't a failure, there is absolutely nothing wrong with dating someone and moving on. Not many people would meet the right one for them if we had to stay with a person simply because we decided to date them and could therefore never leave. I think the failed relationships are those like my grandparent's - quite obviously dislike each other and make each other miserable, stress the kids out with their bickering and unhappiness but stay for the sake of staying. What a crappy, pointless life.
    I agree.
    Your grand parents sound just like my In laws.

    My husband actually said to me the other day he just wished they would get divorced because he can't take it anymore ( his parents have been married for nearly 30 years)
    My dd had also picked up on it and after visits will ask if her nanny loves poppy or not
    To me, that's more of a failure in a relationship than any other.

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week

    Default factors of long term relationships as apposed to 2 yr relationships ur thoughts pls

    Maturity
    Life experience
    Ambition
    Emotional intelligence (this is a key factor in both detecting suitable partners and sustaining a relationship).

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    2,610
    Thanks
    1,023
    Thanked
    511
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I think communication before the relationship is also a key. When I left my last relationship I vowed to never get into one that I wouldn't be happy so for that I made rules and was prepared to never find someone and I was fine with that. I have some silly rules but why not put them out there and see who was out there for me. At least they know what they are getting

    The person had to take my children in it was a package deal

    I made a rule that I get sex daily prefer 2 times a day (i know silly but a sexless relationship is pointless to me unless there are factors beyond control I like sex and its important to me)

    They had to play WOW have a lvl 85 and raid (again wasn't going to go through the arguments about my gaming)

    Had to be open and honest about everything willing to share passwords etc on both ends (trust issues led to this and I know its silly but just knowing someone is willing helps)

    Had to like dogs (no more arguing over dogs),

    No yelling I hate yelling and it solves nothing

    No arguing in front of the kids if we disagree with a decision made by the other parent we would discuss it in private

    So I think if more people were open about what they expect in a relationship before getting into one it can decrease arguing and they know exactly what they are getting into before they hop into a relationship. My current DH and I discussed everything under the sun as friends before we went forward, and everything from the kids discipline, sex positions we do and don't like, past relationships and what we didn't like about them and what we wouldn't put up with he knew that if I ever caught him lying I would leave kids or no kids it would be over.

    Also it is a throw away society if we don't like something we toss it out and I think this is part of the issues with relationships today too.

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,848
    Thanks
    6,202
    Thanked
    16,895
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    Shared goals and beliefs - eg parenting, politics, that infidelity is not acceptable
    A friendship
    Patience and acceptance of the little things while standing strong on the deal breakers
    Communication
    Honesty

    I consider under 2 years the honeymoon period. If there are major issues then, it doesn't mean it won't last but it really increases your chance of it not working imo

  10. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    2,610
    Thanks
    1,023
    Thanked
    511
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by mama and her little bear View Post
    A major issue for him is a certain sex act,
    When we first got together I said straight up no way no how would I ever do a n a l s e x and he said that was not an interest of his, when we split he said he could never be with someone who wouldn't do that.

    Strange so did he change or lie? Its weird that he said he wouldnt be able to be with someone who wont because a lot of women dont but that is something he should tell them before getting with them.

  11. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post

    I consider under 2 years the honeymoon period. If there are major issues then, it doesn't mean it won't last but it really increases your chance of it not working imo
    I consider it the honeymoon phase too. In fact, a lot of people at that point will still be merely dating. I don't think it's an issue to date, realise you aren't compatible so move on, i find it interesting that to some it is a result of a 'throw away' society, I have never really heard of any rules that you have to be with someone forever simply because you dated for a small amount of time..that seems a bit sad to me, I am so glad I moved on from previous dates to meet DP who makes me so happy and feel so great about life.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to Benji For This Useful Post:

    Stiflers Mom  (29-12-2012)

  13. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    2,610
    Thanks
    1,023
    Thanked
    511
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default factors of long term relationships as apposed to 2 yr relationships ur thoughts pls

    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I consider it the honeymoon phase too. In fact, a lot of people at that point will still be merely dating. I don't think it's an issue to date, realise you aren't compatible so move on, i find it interesting that to some it is a result of a 'throw away' society, I have never really heard of any rules that you have to be with someone forever simply because you dated for a small amount of time..that seems a bit sad to me, I am so glad I moved on from previous dates to meet DP who makes me so happy and feel so great about life.
    When I talk about a throw away society I am more talking about married people or those living together and have taken that step into a real relationship not just dating


 

Similar Threads

  1. Open Relationships
    By SPC in forum Single Parents
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 16-10-2012, 16:16
  2. how many serious relationships have you had?
    By trishalishous in forum General Chat
    Replies: 78
    Last Post: 09-03-2012, 11:23
  3. Replies: 14
    Last Post: 10-01-2012, 03:21

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Bamboo Lulu
Unique, non-toxic wooden eco toys for babies. Water-based paints, saliva-resistant & baby safe. Super soft, prints & basics for baby, made from bamboo & organic cotton. Hypoallergenic - great for eczema relief. FREE gift with purchase. Code BUBHUB
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
Heinz Baby Basics
Our BPA Free range offers you a choice for every stage of your baby’s feeding development. You’ll love our brilliant colours, inspired designs and innovative features. Heinz Baby Basics caters for your baby’s needs!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!