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  1. #1
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    Default How do I trust people with DS?

    I am 3 weeks away from going into hospital to have twins and I am starting to really stress about what we are going to do with DS while having the babies. DS is 13 months, He has been really clinging to me lately. Won't sit with his dad at night just wants to lay on me. Is refusing to eat his dinner and we had him down to one bottle but he's now back up to 4 bottles. we had been co-sleeping but had finally gotten him to sleep in his cot only waking once at night but he's back to refusing the cot and will only sleep snuggled up to me.

    I am really worried about how he will go while I am in hospital because everything we had sorted out has now back to square one.

    On top of that I am stressing about who is going to look after him while I am in the hospital. He hasn't really been with anyone other than me or DH. He sees my mum every day so I think she will be the best one to have him but I don't trust her. She is tired all the time and he is on the move all the time. If he is at her house then I am concerned she won't pay attention to him and her dog. Her dog bites and DS loves dogs so will try and play with him. But i don't trust the dog. My mum thinks the dog is getting better but he can never be better enough for me to not be concerned about it (it's a potential problem I see that I would rather a prevention rather than a cure after it happens) I also don't trust her driving with him in the car. She is not a great driver and I am worried about him being in the car with her. I have been in a car with her and him and I hate it. I don't feel safe at all.

    I know I sound like an over protective mother but these are the biggest things I am worried about at the moment. I just don't know what to do because DH wants to be there when I have the babies. Totally understandable but he is the only person I trust with DS. I'd ask my dad to wait with DS at the hospital but he will be working (I have a caesar scheduled in).

    I don't know how to trust people with DS. :-( ... It's only a little while i should be able trust my own mother.

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    Default How do I trust people with DS?

    I'm not sure I have the answer for you sorry. Just wanted to say I'm feeling the same.
    I'm pregnant with bubba number 2 and I have only ever really been away from my first for a few hours at a time. I'm really a bit scared how things will go when I have my baby. She has only really been with me or my husband. We also bed share so I'm not sure how she'll go if she is by herself.
    We are planning on lots and lots of little visits to my mother in laws in the new year ( baby is due in May) but my mother in law is very different than me, I'm much more natural parent to her old school ways.
    I'm sure all will work out fine but after this long winded post ( sorry about that) I just needed to vent to someone in the same situation
    Last edited by Violet belle; 28-12-2012 at 23:22.

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    Would you consider asking your dad to take that time off work? or is that not possible?

    Would you consider having your mum stay with your DS at your house, so the dog won't be an issue and your Dh can come and get him and bring him to you?

    Sorry, probably not helpful, just throwing some ideas around.

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    Default Re: How do I trust people with DS?

    I was about to suggest the same as spg. For what it's worth i don't think you should have to feel comfortable with your mother looking after your ds just because she's your mum.

    I wouldn't want my soon near her dog either!

    Spent from my dome. Excuse autocorrect

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    Default How do I trust people with DS?

    Yes that sounds good 'special patrol'
    My mother in law will b coming to my house to look after my bubba until my husband gets home. Much better having baby in her own environment.
    Originally when I asked if mother in law could b there she said yes as long as it didn't fall on the weekend much to my dislike but, now she is taking time off.
    Really think this is a must.
    U need to feel comfortable not worrying while having the babies.
    Good thing is u no when they r coming so might b easier to organise

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    Default How do I trust people with DS?

    My DS is now 20mths old and before this past August he and only been baby sat twice, once for me to take my Dad to the movies and the other time for my dads funeral. I fretted a lot about others caring for him including leaving him with DH and although I'm a SAHM my DH and mum encouraged me to try him out at day care after months of thought I decided to do it, it was so so hard but it has worked for the both of us in the end.
    Leaving him with a qualified worker has made me relax a bit more when it comes to others looking after him, I still will only allow a selected few people, mum, sis, bil, friend and friends hubby and thats it.
    It has also taken a lot of work from DH to encourage DS to allow him to do things like going to bed etc, I have had to leave the house etc otherwise DS cries and cries if he knows I'm home but it's now all falling into place.
    I think the big part of it all was me, I like you didn't trust anyone to take care of him but slowly I'm learning to let go (just a little), it's hard but we'll get there.

    I totally understand about you mum not looking after him especially in her home with the dog, but like a PP has said would you feel more comfortable if it was done in your own home? Or ask your dad to mind him at the hospi, I'd bet he'd be happy to do that for you, like wise to any friends, I'd take a day off work (if I was still working) to mind a friends child in the hospi for this type of occasion.

    Hugs Hun, I totally understand.

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    Default How do I trust people with DS?

    Violet Belle, it's hard isn't it, vent away. I thought I was doing the best thing for my son and everyone else at the time by not having anyone other than DH look after him. My mum said once you have to let someone look after him, I just told her it was our choice we knew we'd miss out on some things before we had him. I was thinking movies or just a dinner out for me and DH at the time. Now I hadn't really thought this far ahead.

    I've decided that I'll have my mum look after him, he loves her and she sees him every day so I think she is the best option. I am booked in for a c-section so should be able to have her wait at the hospital. I'm telling her that I want him there to see the new babies when we get out. I don't know how long it takes but i am hoping it won't be to long, I'll have a bag of toys and food ready for DS to play with while waiting.

    Our house is on the same block as my mums house so it's kind of hard to avoid the dog because she could let him in when we are not here. I'm just going to have to trust her and try not to worry. I am going to ask my Aunty to come too I think she might be able to control my mum a bit more.

    I do have one other concern that there is a young girl that my mum fostered for a while that I also do not trust near DS. And I do not want her near him at all. She has been hanging around a bit lately and both DH and I are concerned that if attention was taken away from her then she could do something to harm DS. I have voiced my concern about this girl to my mother but she thinks I'm being stupid. I just have a sick in my stomach kind of feeling about her. I feel like I need to trust my instinct on this girl because I have not trusted my gut feelings before and regretted it later.

    I can't ask my dad to take time off work unfortunately because his partner is a nutter and would go nuts about it. It would only be an option if it was not when he was working and I need something a bit more reliable. :-(

    DH isn't allowed to stay at the hospital over night so he will leave with DS in the evening it's really just that time when we are in having the c-section that I need him looked after. It's so hard. I didn't think about this part of it until now.

    As for all the other stuff, the clinging, the refusing the cot, all that. I still don't know. I guess DS knows something is going on and maybe knows I will be going soon. I don't know but we'll just have to keep working on it and hope for the best.

    I just wish I trusted people a bit more, I really wish I could trust my mum but I just don't. I know what she is like and will do what she wants when we're not around not matter what we say.


 

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