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  1. #61
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    I believe it should be up to the woman/man. I definitely agree with RiverSong that there is a cultural expectation that men WILL be in the room, and that this is not necessarily a good thing, for the man who may be traumatised by the experience, or for the woman as her labour may be impeded by the fear he shows. I agree with Odent that labour and birth hormones are very finely tuned and men watching the woman they love in that amount of pain, worrying about her, can definitely hinder the birth process.

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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    I think the couple needs to decide what's right for them. In my case it was absolutely perfect having DH with me. He let me get on with things and I felt safe knowing he was there if I needed him.

    I ran this article by him and he was horrified to think anyone would suggest that he should have not experienced the labour and birth of his son. He cherishes the experience and cherishes me even more for seeing me go through that process which brought our son into his arms.

  3. #63
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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    I believe that any person that disrupts or upsets the mother from focusing on the labour/birth should be removed from the room - husband/mother /MIL/ angry midwife/ OB that you don't trust etc

    I laboured and birthed dd1 in a room full of medical staff and it was god damn awful. everyone visited the birth suite - in laws, parents - and it sucked.

    Dd2 - labored at home and birthed with only DH and a MW with the OB just there to catch the baby. Much much better birth and felt less like a freak show.

    For me - birthing is where we (DH and I ) both work to welcome our baby. He is my support. But if he couldn't do it for whatever reason- I'd get my MIL as she is more sensible than my mother.

    I'm the birth support person for my SIL as my brother is a hospy wimp. But that was their joint decision and not forced upon them.

  4. #64
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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Quote Originally Posted by Annabella View Post
    I believe it should be up to the woman/man. I definitely agree with RiverSong that there is a cultural expectation that men WILL be in the room, and that this is not necessarily a good thing, for the man who may be traumatised by the experience, or for the woman as her labour may be impeded by the fear he shows. I agree with Odent that labour and birth hormones are very finely tuned and men watching the woman they love in that amount of pain, worrying about her, can definitely hinder the birth process.
    Yes - I agree! Them freaking out is definitely not helpful. That's when they should retire gracefully

  5. #65
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    Oh ffs since when have I ever said women should not be able to choose where, how and with whom they give birth? I am simply agreeing with him from a biological point of view. Of course it would be ridiculous to force ANY woman to give birth how she didn't want to, that in itself would be detrimental to the birth process IMO far more than being in a different setting to what he has described. I do agree that lights, too many people and disturbances can hinder the birth process (hormones) but if that's what the woman needs to feel safe that that's what she should do. I do wish there was not such a culture of fear around birth I do believe that if we addressed this issue more people would trust birth which would lower a lot of unnessesary interventions, we would have a lower PND, PTSD, birth trauma rates and lower mortality rates and we would have higher rates of breastfeeding and those are just the short term issues.

    I myself have given birth 3 times with my partner in the room do I think it hindered my hormones? I am not sure, maybe my births would of been calmer, faster and less painful without him there I will never know either way. Do I regret my decision to have him there? No. I have had a birth with a lot of unnecessary people watching and that did traumatize me so maybe my POV is overshadowed.
    Um I think you confused people when you stated that you believe a woman should be alone for her birth except for a mw . That statement kinda indicates that her partner shouldn't be there, don't you think?

    The point people are making in response to your blanket statement, is that for some women, that safe place which induces the right hormones for childbirth is with their partner present. If a woman is fretting over the absence of her partner, the stress and panic can slow down contractions.

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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    Its a professionals opinion. You of course have a right to disagree but calling it s.hit is a bit silly especially since he has many years experience.
    Its also something I have personally been through and it's was just heartbreaking.
    Professional opinions can be sh!t. They can be based on social bias (he is from the old fart generation).

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    I kind of agree with it actually, though I do think it's a bit of a broad sweeping statement and won't apply to all men. I see his point though (I read the whole thing).

    The only reason I had FOB at DD's birth was because I felt obliged to invite him to it. As it turned out, I went into labour all alone at the shops right near home. I walked home, called the hospital, called mum, laboured alone until mum got there, we drove to the hospital and I was wheeled upstairs in full on labour (contractions started at 2 mins apart from the get-go). FOB had been 100km away mountain bike riding and rushed in the car to get to the hospital. I gave birth just 15 minutes after walking in the delivery suite and FOB turned up with literally only about 5 or so minutes to spare before DD arrived.

    I would have been just as happy for FOB to have stayed outside the room until she was born as I had my mum there, a midwife and a student midwife. I felt self conscious and awkward as soon as he walked in. It was just lucky that stage 2 was only 6 minutes so his being there 5 minutes didn't hinder the actual delivery.

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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Personally, it opened the discussion with DH. I always thought that the partner's place was in the birth suite no discussion
    Now I can see that it really isn't such a clear cut matter.

    For those who experienced a crowded birthing suite, what could you have done retrospectively to change this? I assume it is not easy to control who is in the room or not...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    Personally, it opened the discussion with DH. I always thought that the partner's place was in the birth suite no discussion
    Now I can see that it really isn't such a clear cut matter.

    For those who experienced a crowded birthing suite, what could you have done retrospectively to change this? I assume it is not easy to control who is in the room or not...
    At the point of DD's birth, there were three other people in the room apart from me. It was such a fast labour and I was too caught up having back to back contractions to do anything about it, but if I had been in a normal long labour with gaps in between the contractions, I would have booted a couple of the people out and just kept mum in there with the midwife occasionally popping in to check. But yeah, I could barely catch my breath in the 15 minutes between arriving in the delivery suite and DD arriving so it was beyond my capabilities at that moment to control who was in the room.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Professional opinions can be sh!t. They can be based on social bias (he is from the old fart generation).
    He has been around for a long time not just the old fart generation. Not in every country did they drug women out. He also believes in natural birth.
    Hardly old fart.
    In many cultures even today a man is not present at the birth.
    Im from Easern Europe and although it is starting to become popular to have a father present many of my friends are horrified at the thought of their husbands being in the same room when they are birthing.
    And no those men don't make crap fathers.
    Its just a personal preferance.

    My ex unfortunately is not one of those men that should be present at a birth. He is still a great dad and loves his son to bits.
    I feel he was pressured to be there... By me and "society". He was too scared to say no.
    He suffered depression after the birth along with a whole list of other problems.
    People tell men to "get over it and man up" but you would never say that to a women suffering PND.
    I think this could be a genuine problem but I think it only affects a small percentage of men. Unfortunately I didn't know at the time.


 

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