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  1. #51
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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    My partner and I made the baby together, why shouldn't he be present?! I'd be p*ssed if he didn't want to be by my side supporting me through the most important thing I'll ever do. All I want are him and the people delivering bubs. I don't even want family or friends waiting in the waiting room - as far as I'm concerned, this is mine and DP's special moment, nobody else's.

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  3. #52
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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    He is not saying men shouldn't be at birth though, he is trying to initiate a debate. Which I believe is usually a good thing
    To quote this OB
    "My only objective is to justify a series of questions by suggesting that the issues are much more complex than we commonly believe. It would be premature to offer clear-cut answers. Questions should precede doctrines."
    The title is "top obstetrician on why men should never be at the birth of their child"

  4. #53
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    There shouldn't be a blanket rule. Some men shouldn't be at the birth and do impede progress. A friend of mine's husband did nothing but whinge about how tired he was, how he needed a cigarette and asking how much longer it was going to take. To put it bluntly he was a PITA and def not a support.

    But lots are men are great support to their partners. My Dh was there for both my births and I couldn't imagine him not being there - not just for me but to miss out on the moment our child entered the world.

    Just as there are no hard and fast rules for partners nor are there for births. Some women want to birth in a dark room at home. Others in water. Some want a c/s with all the medical equipment around. There is no right or wrong and wanting the latter doesn't mean the woman has fear.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hagrid View Post
    ... I understand he has years of experience witnessing others children be born - in a hospital, as a man by the way, do strange men not count, just partners? If he believes the best way to labour/birth is with a quiet mother figure at home, why is he doing his job?
    lol I was thinking the same thing A woman's partner shouldn't be there but a strange man trained in high risk birth should be?
    Last edited by delirium; 27-12-2012 at 18:26.

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  6. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    He is not saying men shouldn't be at birth though, he is trying to initiate a debate. Which I believe is usually a good thing
    To quote this OB
    "My only objective is to justify a series of questions by suggesting that the issues are much more complex than we commonly believe. It would be premature to offer clear-cut answers. Questions should precede doctrines."
    I read that he was clearly saying men shouldn't be present as they physically and emotionally impede the birth and some have 'issues' afterwards.

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    I think he is saying it is OK for a male "doc/midwife" because they don't have an intimate relationship with the woman. They won't be wanting to have s*x at a later point and if the woman has an issue with a staff member, they could be removed or, at the very least...she would not have to go home and live with them.

    Also, there would be no old issues bought into the delivery room...and no issues taken home with them.

    There are a few women in this thread that have said they would be furious if their partner was not there...well, what if their man is one who cannot cope with it...he would be stuffed if he said no and possibly stuffed if he said yes. I think this is the point of raising the conversation...it is now assumed the man will be there so it can become a massive relationship issue and he may be too worried about upsetting the partner to even raise it.

    It is a good thing to talk about...without judgement or anger. I think I would have been sad at first if DH did not want to be there...but, I would have found myself a great support team and I would have at least been happy that he was honest with me.

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  10. #56
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    Oh ffs since when have I ever said women should not be able to choose where, how and with whom they give birth? I am simply agreeing with him from a biological point of view. Of course it would be ridiculous to force ANY woman to give birth how she didn't want to, that in itself would be detrimental to the birth process IMO far more than being in a different setting to what he has described. I do agree that lights, too many people and disturbances can hinder the birth process (hormones) but if that's what the woman needs to feel safe that that's what she should do. I do wish there was not such a culture of fear around birth I do believe that if we addressed this issue more people would trust birth which would lower a lot of unnessesary interventions, we would have a lower PND, PTSD, birth trauma rates and lower mortality rates and we would have higher rates of breastfeeding and those are just the short term issues.

    I myself have given birth 3 times with my partner in the room do I think it hindered my hormones? I am not sure, maybe my births would of been calmer, faster and less painful without him there I will never know either way. Do I regret my decision to have him there? No. I have had a birth with a lot of unnecessary people watching and that did traumatize me so maybe my POV is overshadowed.

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    Default Re: Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    if it wasn't for dh pushing baby onto me i wouldnt of even held ds..i was telling ob NO when they were passing him to me. And as for him interrupting the 'hormone of love' nothing made my warm and puzzles go into overdrive then when dh spoke to his son for the first time.

    why are men just seed planters these days and women are so freaking wonderful just for having sex too. A man deserves to feel that adrenaline and hormone surge when HIS child is being birth just as much as the mother!!

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  14. #58
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Here is another article on hormones in labour/birth from an OB-GP (an Australian one) called Sarah Buckley http://www.wonderfulbirth.com/Servic...s.asp?Ref=2315

    I think if you can try to understand how hormones during B&L work you may begin to understand how having someone as he describes around can hinder the process.

    I do agree that he should not of labeled it as just 'men' anyone that doesn't trust birth can hinder the process.

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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    The title is "top obstetrician on why men should never be at the birth of their child"
    The one I read and quoted is called "Is the Participation of the Father at Birth Dangerous?
    by Michel Odent, MD"

    Made a lot of sense. Will share with DH to see what he thinks

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  18. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    The one I read and quoted is called "Is the Participation of the Father at Birth Dangerous?
    by Michel Odent, MD"

    Made a lot of sense. Will share with DH to see what he thinks
    That's the one I linked at post #24

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