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  1. #111
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    I have a bit of an issue where I am deathly afraid of giving birth again. I don't want to go through it, let alone make DP witness it. I think society pressures men and women into having partners there, even if they don't really want to - sometimes that is the father, sometimes the mother.

    DP has told me that he would be really traumatised if he had to watch me have a caesarian, why should I put him through watching me have major surgery? I wouldn't be able to be in the room in which he is having surgery.

    He insists he has to be with me during a VB, he says he couldn't make me go through it on my own. I wonder whether this is because in today's society it is considered 'wrong' for the father to not be in the room?

    I don't want to poo in front of him.

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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Benji dh said he would be traumatised by c section too, and when i had an emergency c section last week he balked at the door and said he was scared , I was on the point of death but heard him and insisted he come in. As it turned out it didn't bother him at all, one of the nurses talked to him the whole time and once th baby was out he was fine. He said he walked last and saw my 'guts open' and also observed that the burning smell (they must cauterise something?) reminded him of pork .

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    Benji  (28-12-2012)

  4. #113
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    He is braver than me CTM. I took up nurses/doctor's time when my son split his chin open because I started seeing spots while they were just looking at it. I don't know how people could be present during....that!

    I'm sure for most it's fine, but I am a little annoyed to read that because I feel discomfort at the thought of my DP witnessing me give birth that I don't love him, think less of him, we won't last...etc. all of that couldn't be further from the truth, I just have an extreme fear of birth.

  5. #114
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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Benji: not meaning to make light of your/ hubby's concerns but with a csec hubby will be up near your head, there will be a big sheet and neither of you will see anything gory.

  6. #115
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    Yeah I know, I still don't think he would cope. My friend still manages to pass out at every caesarian and he is much less protective/sensitive than my other half. I just can't see what positives could come of it. I would have him at my VB should I get to have one, but will still be awfully embarrassed and stressed about his reactions (not anything 'gross' but his protective instinct with regard to me being in pain and possibly having things done to me without consent).

  7. #116
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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    So your ok with a bunch of strangers watching but not your DH? Why is that?
    uh? where did I mention a bunch of strangers?!

  8. #117
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    Benji my DH was at the foot of my bed during my last c/s and watched it all. But then it was a medically necessary elective, not emergency so i think that changes things. I wanted him to be there. 1) for me 2) I wanted him to see what is involved in a c/s. With my first he was at my head then kicked out when they had to go general so didn't see it.

    The bottom line is every couple is different. I freak when my kids are hurt, DH usually takes over. So I can understand a man being traumatised seeing his partner going thru so much pain. But then for others, she needs him to be there, and he needs to be there too.

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  10. #118
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    DH is a fainter, blood/gore will cause him to faint. I was concerned about this when pregnant with my first but we both still wanted him there, I think we agreed if he felt faint he would go take a break or something. As it turned out I left blood all over the place but DH was completely unfazed, he was more focused on his daughter. I think I would have resented him if he didn't at least try to be there, and he would have resented me if I had refused him to be there for the birth of his child.
    I was also worried about pooing in labour and DH seeing it, well that happened and it was not the big deal I thought it would be. He doesn't think any less of me or feel grossed out or unattracted to me, it is just something that happened. We laugh about it now.
    I guess my point is that you don't know how someone will react until it happens. You might think your partner will be an amazing support but they end up being a hindrance or vice versa. I think they should be given a chance at least (they can always leave if it doesn't work out or they don't cope). it seems cruel to deny someone seeing their own child born. Jmo I understand everyone is different and that's fine, it is just hard for me to wrap my head around.

  11. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    uh? where did I mention a bunch of strangers?!
    Medical staff I may have gotten you mixed up with someone else


 

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