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  1. #91
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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post


    I could respond to that but I'd probably get myself banned. So I'll just bite my tongue and leave it at that, and hope that you get sick of BH sooner rather than later.
    And let's hope that you learn sooner rather than later that there are other opinions out there and you disagreeing with someone doesn't mean they have any less right to be on a forum

  2. #92
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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    And let's hope that you learn sooner rather than later that there are other opinions out there and you disagreeing with someone doesn't mean they have any less right to be on a forum
    Opinions about this kind of thing should be limited to you, your partner, your relationship. Well, credible opinions anyway.

    You are in no position to make such claims about another couple, and to be honest I'm not sure why you'd even want to. Is it so important for you to defend your own choices that you must attempt to decimate those who make different ones?

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  4. #93
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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    What makes you think that?
    I am assuming your question is genuine... That you want to hear more about my views. So here goes:

    If one half of a couple (who havent previously experienced a traumatic labor), before labour even starts, says "i dont want you to be there" or "i dont want to be there" then I doubt how close they really are.

    If the woman can't trust the man to be supportive and do what he is told during labor then how will they handle other life crisis? Can she trust him to support her in other times of need? If she is worried about hubby seeing embarrassing things then I would question how close they are.

    If a man is worried about the gore then how will he react if there is an accident in the home?

    If the couple are worried about their sex lives suffering then they musnt have a solid relationship of trust and friendship to start with. Either that or there is some type of inequality in the relationship where the man is master of the home and his sex needs are paramount .

    If its a hard, traumatic, complicated, gory labor and both decide the hubby should leave then fair enough, both gave it a crack.

    If its a routine labor and hubby wants to leave I really would question his ability to be supportive in other aspects of their life.

    If a man has a genuine phobia or fear of hospitals then fair enough but I would also then question his ability to be a supportive parent and hubby.

  5. #94
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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    Opinions about this kind of thing should be limited to you, your partner, your relationship. Well, credible opinions anyway.

    You are in no position to make such claims about another couple, and to be honest I'm not sure why you'd even want to. Is it so important for you to defend your own choices that you must attempt to decimate those who make different ones?
    I'm all for each couple deciding.....
    I thought this thread was about offering thoughts and opinions on others views though? Or are you only allowed to do this if you agree with the majority.?

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    I trust my DP to be supportive, overly supportive actually..which is why if I had my way I would birth with women only. I agree with a lot of your sentiments vicpark, but I don't necessarily think relationships are doomed if a man doesn't wish to be present or his wife doesn't wish him to be present depending on what that reason is. My DP has said he would struggle through watching me have a caesarian and, honestly, under what other circumstances is he going to have to watch me have surgery? What is the point of having some pale, fainting man in the room? Which is what a friend of mine does when she gives birth but still insists on going lol.

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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I'm all for each couple deciding.....
    I thought this thread was about offering thoughts and opinions on others views though? Or are you only allowed to do this if you agree with the majority.?
    You're all for each couple deciding? But you'll judge them heartily if they make the "wrong" decision

    For the record I'm not afraid to go against the majority myself. But I do try to curb my judgment of other people's relationships; these are something I can't possibly understand and therefore cannot judge.

  8. #97
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I am assuming your question is genuine... That you want to hear more about my views. So here goes:
    Yeah I was actually being genuine, I know we clash a lot so it's interesting to hear what's behind your comments sometimes.

    I don't believe all women need support during birth, I do believe that having someone around when you want to be alone can hinder the birth process. Look at a lot of animals that give birth alone, vets know that disturbing birth can lead to complications which is why they tend to leave animals alone when they are well (see my link from Sarah Buckley) what are your thoughts on hormone disturbances during labour/birth?

  9. #98
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    Default Men shouldn't be present at birth.

    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    Yeah I was actually being genuine, I know we clash a lot so it's interesting to hear what's behind your comments sometimes.

    I don't believe all women need support during birth, I do believe that having someone around when you want to be alone can hinder the birth process. Look at a lot of animals that give birth alone, vets know that disturbing birth can lead to complications which is why they tend to leave animals alone when they are well (see my link from Sarah Buckley) what are your thoughts on hormone disturbances during labour/birth?
    I can see how in some cases the presence of another would delay labour. For me it's my mother. Or mother in law. That would totally put me off but I'm not close to either.

    As for hormone disturbances during labor. I'm not sure. I think it's a mental thing, being in the right frame of mind. I'm sure hormones play some part, just undecided as to the extent.

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    For her, his presence is a hindrance, and a significant factor in why labours are longer, more painful and more likely to result in intervention than ever.
    Hmm interesting he says this because my longest labor was 45 minutes and my ex missed it.

    My shortest labor was 7 minutes and my husband was there and such a great help. He has never seen a baby born and to be tossed a leg and told to hold this and then watch the whole birth he did very well. I had a rule that he had to stay by my head because I was worried that actually seeing the baby being born would traumatize him well once the dr got him involved he saw everything and said it was the most amazing experience he has ever had, he had no different feelings towards my body, myself or sex. He got to cut the cord and after she was cleaned up got first hold it was an awesome experience for all of us. I am glad they let fathers in.

    I am sure that it effects everyone different but saying men are a hindrance is a bit off IMO

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    I haven't given birth yet, and I understand each and every couple are different. His views make lots of sense to me.

    Would I want my DH in the room if I was part of a big supportive family with knowledgable MW around? maybe not... Maybe I'd be happy for him to come over once bub is out...

    Would I imagine going to the delivery suite without DH now that I live overseas and have a very short support network? No way. I would feel so abandoned in a hospital where the only person I know is my OB...
    So your ok with a bunch of strangers watching but not your DH? Why is that?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    Well, I think this OB should just do his job and not speculate on what he thinks is best for women, unless its medical and within his field of expertise. He might be a medical professional but he is not a woman - how can he possibly know what's best for every woman during the birth process??

    Myself, I really wish there had have been less people at my birth... Coming and going... And looking back it irritated me and I wanted to be alone, just with the midwives. My ex was there but I would have been fine if he wasn't. But its for me to say, no-one else!

    Oh and on a side note... This whole idea that women scream and shout at their husbands, abuse people etc etc during birth is not necessarily the case. I was in pain but otherwise fine and didn't abuse or yell at anyone!!
    I agree, I dont yell, scream, cry, abuse, or even really make any noises I just want to get down to business and get out of there. All my nurses have loved me lol they say I am the least demanding and I never bother them. They are there to help and do a job no point in abusing them.


    Quote Originally Posted by PuppyGuts View Post
    if it wasn't for dh pushing baby onto me i wouldnt of even held ds..i was telling ob NO when they were passing him to me. And as for him interrupting the 'hormone of love' nothing made my warm and puzzles go into overdrive then when dh spoke to his son for the first time.

    why are men just seed planters these days and women are so freaking wonderful just for having sex too. A man deserves to feel that adrenaline and hormone surge when HIS child is being birth just as much as the mother!!
    Society needs to be changed on some views of men but I dont think it will happen any time soon.

    Originally Posted by headoverfeet
    Um have you ever had a vaginal birth/gone through labour?
    What difference would that have made?


 

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