I met a family like yours I babysat for a week wow how exhausting. 14 year old has aspergers and 10 year old felt so isolated and tried to explain to me that his parents literally had nothing to do with him, eldest bullied him and breaking this up was constant. 10 year old had already taken pills to kill himself to get out of this situation. I did my best to use my early childhood training to assist in uplifting his confidence. Darling unless you lived in a situation like this nobody can comment yes every family is different but maybe you should find yourself a good counsellor they really are fantastic. My doctor said the govt has set up a scheme where you get 5 free sessions do search the web. Good luck.