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  1. #11
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    Completely get it. I was exactly the same when my SIL announced she was preg, twice during the time DH and I where trying to conceive. I just couldn't be around her, I love love love her to bits, but it was just too much in the beginning. It also happened when my DH's best mate who we see all the time feel preg with out even trying. Gutted. Cried for ages couldn't see her either for a while.

    Its hard cause your happy for them, but you just feel so ripped off and it is soo unfair. I can't even explain how devestated I was back then.

    Missing out on Christmas is completely understandable. You will have all DH's family cooing over your SIL and it will be upsetting.

    Maybe write a letter to SIL explaining how you feel. Explain that you are happy for her, but just feel wronged by the world and devestated. What you wrote above makes perfect sense, so even cut and paste that in an email. You mention that you are friends so she will get it, and she will understand. I bet your DH's family will too. Even if they don't they should respect your feelings anyway.

    She will undoubtably be upset that she has fallen and you haven't. I know when this friend told her family she was crying as she knew her brother's girlfriend had just had a failed attempt at IVF. She was gutted that she had fallen and the girlfriend hadn't.

    Hugs hun, Its hard

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    MagicMud  (24-12-2012)

  3. #12
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    I understand how you feel. I'm still single after years of watching everyone else settle down ..... I'm so sorry it's not your turn yet. Is it possible to write your sil a letter explaining how u feel?

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    MagicMud  (24-12-2012)

  5. #13
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    totally understand.

    Its so hard when you feel that life is just so completely unfair.

    I agree that cancelling christmas at your place is a good call. Perhaps just ring them, or a quick visit on christmas day if you are up to it ... but nothing if you are not. They will understand - thats what family does.

    Eventually you will be able to be happy for your SIL, to talk to her and share her joy. Its not her you are angry with ... its the world. But that takes a bit of time. Be kind to yourself, and let yourself be angry and upset.

    And I hope that the New Year brings you some baby joy of your own

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  7. #14
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    Default Jealous, bitter cow

    If it's known in the family you are TTC I'm sure everyone would understand that your SIL announcement is going to be tough on you.
    I'm sure it was very hard for her to tell you her news, it's difficult when someone you love is TTC and you have a pregnancy to announce to them.
    I like the letter idea. If I was her I wouldn't be offended by a letter that explained you love her but just need some space until you are ready to be there for her. It's a lovely idea.
    Big hugs to you!

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    MagicMud  (24-12-2012)

  9. #15
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    Default Jealous, bitter cow

    Totally understandable to feel upset by SIL's news. Give yourself time to process it and don't feel bad for reacting the way you did. It's an incredibly emotional thing.

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  11. #16
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    Sucks especially this time of year.

    The thing is, no one can ever understand the horrendous monster that is infertility. Loosing baby after baby, watching everyone around you fall pregnant easily and being happy for everyone else's new born baby while at the same time trying to muster up energy to try again.

    Feeling the way you do does not make you a jealous, bitter, cow. It makes you human. It isn't that you aren't happy for people around you falling pregnant, it just makes you more aware of what you don't have.

    You will feel better in time, but it prob just has to sting for awhile. It WILL be your turn, you will get there. Some of us just have a very hard time getting there, and you can't always paste on a smile and be happy all the time. Its exhausting. I'm sure your SIL understands.

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    Default Jealous, bitter cow

    Hugs x totally understandable. You have been through a lot over the last 3.5 years it's only natural to feel this way. Give yourself time to heal and absorb this news. Life throws some curve balls sometimes, try remain positive and keep going. I hope 2013 brings you some deserved happiness and hopefully your own baby news x all the best and have a relaxing Xmas day x

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    Default Jealous, bitter cow

    Massive hugs. Your reaction is totally understandable! If your family knows everything you guys have been through they will understand why this Christmas is now so hard. Christmas and mothers day are such hard times. Plus getting the news. Take all the time you need. Let yourself grieve and spend some time with your dh. I am thinking of you x

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    MagicMud  (24-12-2012)

  17. #19
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    I haven't been through 1/2 of what you seem to have, and I got upset when I found out sil was expecting a second.

    I took time away from them to get my self sorted, so I don't think your being unreasonable in needing time!

    Take what you you need, and don't feel guilty for it.

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  19. #20
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    Default Jealous, bitter cow

    I haven't been in your situation but my oldest sister has been TTC for years and has now seen our other sister fall pregnant successfully twice, and now me, in that time. I know it's difficult for her, but I also see the genuine pleasure she gets from our niece and nephew, she has so much love to give so it all gets poured onto them. They both love her to bits, probably more than they love me. I'm just trying to give you some perspective that although it hurts more than anything right now, next Christmas you'll have a niece or nephew, and hopefully either your own little one, or one on the way!

    Go easy on yourself and do whatever feels right for you at this tough time.

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