+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 24
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Darling Downs
    Posts
    2,997
    Thanks
    1,043
    Thanked
    1,155
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Jealous, bitter cow

    I feel so awful.
    About 4 days ago SIL told me she was pregnant. I was shocked, very shocked in fact! I really didn't expect this news at all, and I didn't handle it well when she told me (ran out of the room crying).

    Problem is that my SIL is awesome. I love her to bits and we've gotten really close over the last few years. She knows all about our TTC troubles, 5 m/c, surrogacy rejections and the massive strain it's put on DH and I. She's been as understanding as possible about everything, and said if I need space she'll give me space - no hard feelings (see, awesome).

    But I'm just not coping with it. I'm so, so sad. And I've canceled having Christmas at my house because I just can't hold myself together. I gave my family some half ar$ed excuse which I'm not entirely sure they believe, because DH didn't want me to tell them the real reason.
    I'm not sure if DH has told his family not to come over yet though.

    I love my in-laws, but I just don't want to see them yet. SIL is the first one in their family to be pregnant, and the only thing I can think is "It should be me." I've spent the last 3.5 years fantasizing about it (thoroughly) and I know every little knowing glance, or hushed whisper is going to break me down.... I know what it will be about. And DAMMIT, it should be me!!
    I know logically that this is ridiculous, but I cannot stop feeling this way.

    I really need more time to deal with this, I can't get over these feelings in 2 more days, I just can't. And I won't put myself in the position to cause a scene or ruin christmas for anyone, let alone make SIL feel like a piece of crap. But of course now I'm feeling really guilty about being absent on Christmas. I'm so full of guilt, anger, sadness, envy and I feel like I've been royally cheated... I'm pretty sure I'm about to explode!!!
    DH and I have had a lot of other issues to deal with lately as well, and honestly, I just can't take any more. It's too much.

    I'm not sure if I'm after advice, sympathy or just having a vent. Take your pick?

  2. #2
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    18,954
    Thanks
    3,142
    Thanked
    4,892
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    I'm so very very very sorry go gently on yourself xoxox

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to headoverfeet For This Useful Post:

    MagicMud  (24-12-2012)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    1,581
    Thanks
    748
    Thanked
    733
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Jealous, bitter cow

    I feel really sympathetic to you, and I don't think I have any advice but ALOT of what you said makes sense to me. I think your feelings are understandable.

    2 days won't give you enough time to digest the news, I know it's not all about you but it's a shame sil couldn't have waited til after Xmas to share the news.

    A positive note is you'll have a little one to spoil ( that's probably not helpful )

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to ourbradybunch For This Useful Post:

    MagicMud  (24-12-2012)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,678
    Thanks
    788
    Thanked
    1,847
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    hug

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to River Song For This Useful Post:

    MagicMud  (24-12-2012)

  8. #5
    Veve's Avatar
    Veve is offline Assistant Forum Manager :)
    Winner 2007 - best signature
    Winner 2008/2009/ 2010- naughtiest mod

    RG always has to save my butt <3
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    in modland
    Posts
    23,139
    Thanks
    389
    Thanked
    1,826
    Reviews
    5
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Personally I think considering the journey you have been on to get your family, your reaction is pretty normal and I do think you have the right to feel that the universe has ripped you off.

    Its really hard to accept why some people get pregnant, and others wait - and its certainly not fair.

    I think avoiding having christmas at your house is a good call - if you meet up somewhere else, at least you can leave whenever you want to.

    I do think its good that she told you now, rather than making a public announcement on christmas day - and I hope that your friendship can be repaired, even if not immediately, at a later stage.

    vent away .. rage ... stamp your feet whatever you feel you need to do .. its one of the best bits about bubhub

    xx
    Jen

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Veve For This Useful Post:

    MagicMud  (24-12-2012)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    854
    Thanks
    43
    Thanked
    226
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Jealous, bitter cow

    Be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to digest her news. She obviously understands and expects you to be sad and need some space. Maybe you and hubby can do something alone on Xmas day...picnic, trip to the beach, or just something to get out and about.
    I'm not a hug type person, even in cyber space but I'll make an exception here... *hugs*

  11. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    1,403
    Thanks
    93
    Thanked
    387
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I think its understandable that you're feeling this way, and it is better for you to cancel christmas and deal with those issues rather than bottle it up.
    It sounds like your SIL is understanding, maybe write her a letter explaining your feeling so that she can understand how you feel and give you space without having any hard feelings. Also I know you probably dont see it now but a baby in the family will be awesome, its a little new life coming into the world and YOU and DH will be a part of it.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to ciaomamma For This Useful Post:

    MagicMud  (24-12-2012)

  13. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Queensland
    Posts
    8,522
    Thanks
    2,929
    Thanked
    1,661
    Reviews
    36
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 26/9/2014100 Posts in a week

    Default Jealous, bitter cow

    All I can offer is some great, big hugs. I think it's a completely reasonable reaction on your part, given how much you have gone through over the past few years. While I was in the throes of TTC I would have done the exact same thing you are doing right now. Christmas is hard enough on long term TTCers without having to deal with your SILs recent pregnancy announcement. Be kind to yourself. You are having a really rough time at the moment. Give yourself a chance to grieve. I am sure that your SIL and the rest of the family will understand. xx

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to summastarlet For This Useful Post:

    MagicMud  (24-12-2012)

  15. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    12,292
    Thanks
    1,571
    Thanked
    1,225
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator - Thank you
    Bubhub Blogger

    Default Re: Jealous, bitter cow

    Completely understandable. I found writing to be very therapeutic for me. Just write everything. The good, the bad, the bizarre.

    I found that if i didn't fully acknowledge things than i couldn't move forwards from it.

    Lots of hugs

    Spent from my dome. Excuse autocorrect

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to Izy For This Useful Post:

    MagicMud  (24-12-2012)

  17. #10
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    2,688
    Thanks
    4,822
    Thanked
    2,373
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Jealous, bitter cow

    HUGS OP! No advice, just lots of virtual hugs xx

  18. The Following User Says Thank You to Chillies For This Useful Post:

    MagicMud  (24-12-2012)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Bitter Sweet
    By maddyangel in forum Conception & Fertility General Chat
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 14-11-2012, 14:23
  2. Am I bitter or justified?
    By faroutbrusselsprout in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 14-05-2012, 22:24
  3. Bitter much???
    By haylithan in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 26-03-2012, 20:35

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Shapland Swim Schools
Shapland's at participating schools offer free baby orientation classes once a month - no cost no catches. Your baby will be introduced to our "natural effects" orientation program develop by Shapland's over 3 generations, its gentle and enjoyable.
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
The MAMA Centre
Pregnancy, birth & beyond care with your very own midwife. Home & hospital birth support, VBACs, antenatal & postnatal care by medicare eligible midwives & holistic health practitioners. Massage, chiro, naturopathy, yoga, counselling & beauty therapy
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!