I have to admit before I read the thread I thought there is nothing wrong with some 2nd hand stuff - like a high chair or a sling. But a 20 year old mouse poo covered mattress? good lord
She seems like a sentimental person, I am too so I identify. But what you list is just downright dangerous and unhygenic.
With car seats - just say that you took it to the ambos to install and they wouldn't cos it was not safe enough/legal etc.
Or ask them to keep it at their place for sleepovers etc. Just don't use it very often.
My FIL restored dh's cot for my girls in his spare time. That was his way of showing he loved them. They spent 3nights in it and he is a happy man.
It's hard when you know what you want for your bub but as long as it's not downright dangerous - humour them. You never know when you will need them to help out!
If you have someone handy in the family, you can always convert the old cot into an art desk (google it). She might be appeased that you are using one of the items.
I don't think it's a good idea to take the items and then destroy/dump them. She might find out and that would be more hurtful than just politely declining her offer (as she is so attached sentimentally). Plus she might like to offer them to another relative instead.
I think that a lot of paternal grandmothers worry they'll be left out when baby comes along as its usually the maternal grandma who gets to spend more time with the baby and new mum, so maybe just make an effort to include her and let her know she is an important part in your baby's life!
My mother in law is a bit crazy-hoarder and has kept stuff over the years like this. More I think because her kids dislike her and she holds onto these things in an effort to convincer herself it's not her fault. But thats a separate issue.
Anyway she's tried many many times over the years to get us to take this stuff. After the millionth time I eventually just snapped and said I didn't want her stuff and that she needs to either throw it out or accept that she's keeping it forever.
My point is that by pussy footing around this issue now its probably not going to end. This time its grotty old baby stuff. Next time grotty old toddler lathes, then grotty old something else.
If you and your partner both agree then it's best to nip this in the bud. You dont have to be mean. But just be honest and say that in fact its you that wont take no for an answer.
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