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  1. #31
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    Default Re: Tactful ways of refusing secondhand baby equipment...

    My grandma is like that - nobody she knows personally has ever had xyz happen to their babies thus it is a marketing tactic to make peopr buy more stuff.

    I have my mums bassinet though (my brothers & mine), it's been kept in perfect condition, it's 30 years old and lovely, including the bassinet covers and sheets my mum hand sewed in hospital pregnant with her first baby (mum was in hospital 6 weeks and baby didn't make it home so it's very precious)

    I'd still look. If there's anything small and sentimental you can use if it would mean something to your mil.but absolutely don't feel obliged to compromise babies safety.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using BubHub

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    Default Tactful ways of refusing secondhand baby equipment...

    Quote Originally Posted by RmumR View Post
    Arm yourself with safety info about carseats being safe for only 10yrs, SIDS info about new mattress for each baby and aus standards about cots.

    If she still refuses to listen to any of it you and DH are just going to have to flat out refuse it siting safety concerns for your new bub
    This. Geez, why are people so concerned about other people's feelings when it comes to what is best for you and YOUR child? It should be as simple as "thanks but I'm going to comply with today's safety standards."
    Last edited by LauraH80; 22-12-2012 at 15:03.

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    Boobycino  (22-12-2012)

  4. #33
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    my MIL is the same. it's bloody irritating. she has kept her baby things from my BIL which is 46 years old!!!! I just flat out say ''nope not interested''. lol.

  5. #34
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    accept it all, and then dispose of the dangerous stuff and tell her that when you went to clean it, it fell apart/tore etc

  6. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by LauraH80 View Post
    This. Geez, why are people so concerned about other people's feelings when it comes to what is best for you and YOUR child? It should be as simple as "thanks but I'm going to comply with today's safety standards."
    Because as adults we recognise that 1) some people will not accept that as an answer and 2) we have to maintain relationships with people, especially family. And it's not only our feelings that are important in life. Sometimes it takes more than a simple "I'm going to comply with todays safety standards" for items to actually NOT be used.

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    GreenMama  (22-12-2012)

  8. #36
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    Default Tactful ways of refusing secondhand baby equipment...

    If you have been trying for a while you could say as part of your journey you have picked out of magazines what you want and have put together the perfect nursery in your head and you are looking forward to seeing it come together. I've been trying a long time and we actually have most of the stuff we need so would be interesting to have this convo with my mil (I know she has saved stuff from dh's childhood!).

  9. #37
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    Default Tactful ways of refusing secondhand baby equipment...

    DH's grandparents wanted to paint his cousin's old cot for us but I knew his grandpa would have no knowledge of safe paints. He also wanted to make her a chest of drawers which is nice but I wanted white and matching my cot.

    In the end DH's mum said we should tell the grandparents that a friend gave us their "old" (brand new) Boori cot, drawers and change table

    We told them we can leave their cot at grandmas for sleepovers (never happened!).

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    Default Tactful ways of refusing secondhand baby equipment...

    Quote Originally Posted by Izy View Post
    Because as adults we recognise that 1) some people will not accept that as an answer and 2) we have to maintain relationships with people, especially family. And it's not only our feelings that are important in life. Sometimes it takes more than a simple "I'm going to comply with todays safety standards" for items to actually NOT be used.
    Personally, if a family member throws a tanty because I've politely (and I would be polite about it - I don't get off on hurting people's feelings) rejected an offer of an unsafe, outdated item out of concern for my child, then I wouldn't want much of a relationship with them. I would think family would care about my child enough to respect that said child is more important than using an item just because it's an heirloom or whatever, that could potentially cause harm.

  11. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by LauraH80 View Post
    Personally, if a family member throws a tanty because I've politely (and I would be polite about it - I don't get off on hurting people's feelings) rejected an offer of an unsafe, outdated item out of concern for my child, then I wouldn't want much of a relationship with them. I would think family would care about my child enough to respect that said child is more important than using an item just because it's an heirloom or whatever, that could potentially cause harm.
    How wonderfully black and white. The OP has obviously posted here as she is not comfortable to write off a family relationship quite so easily.
    Last edited by babyla; 22-12-2012 at 19:27. Reason: spelling

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  13. #40
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    The thing is they can be very very caring people that just don't get this though. They are certain that the information they have is correct. It was safe for their children and other children.

    My own father has been guilty of not recognising the depth of the risks. He eventually understands after you explain the details multiple times, but you have to do it slowly or he shuts down and won't hear a word.

    I'm not about to discount him, or minimise his contact with my son because of that. I'll mitigate/remove the risk and educate him instead. And I'll educate him by finding a way for him to understand the information rather than just reciting information that makes sense to me and then walking away.

    It does mean being creative on occasion, and sometimes just saying no as you suggested. But it's not ALWAYS that simple.


 

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