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  1. #1
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    Default Tactful ways of refusing secondhand baby equipment...

    Hi guys,
    I just wanted some advice. My mil has offered me all the baby equipment that she saved from my df and his sisters. I have no problems with second hand goods, but this furniture is now over 27 years old, and some was second hand when she got it.
    She won't listen when i tell her Australian standards won't let me use the car seat, and I'm worried about the safety of the pram and cot, all of which have been stored under the house since her 19yo daughter grew out of them.
    To make things worse, she says to me, "they'll need a clean up, and I think some mice have chased the mattress, but nothing that a patch won't fix..."
    I know she means well, but she had saved this stuff all these years to be used by her first grandchild, and won't accept no for an answer. Even df can't get seem to explain it to her.

    Any suggestions?


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  2. #2
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    Default Re: Tactful ways of refusing secondhand baby equipment...

    You may just need to put your foot down. But maybe you can humour her by cleaning up something like a high chair?

    **Mum, Dad, Big boy (Dec 08) and Baby girl (Feb 11)**

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    Default Re: Tactful ways of refusing secondhand baby equipment...

    Thanks, yeah, maybe once I've seen everything I can accept the least damaged things. Atm I've told her we can't take it yet cause we're moving soon, and we'll be going out there for xmas so I'll look at some of the things. It just worries me that she sees no problems letting her first grandchild sleep on mice chewed mattresses. And I'm worried that anything I don't take will be kept and used by her when (if, since she lives a distance away) she ever mind bub.

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    It sounds like you've tried being tactful and it hasn't worked; I agree with Pregnor, you might just have to put your foot down and explain that you'd prefer to buy your own equipment tht isn't almost 30 years old. If it were me I'd just go out and buy what I wanted with DH or put it on lay-by, just make a start and the next time she offers you can say "thanks but we've already purchased the cot/car seat etc". I get that she wants her first grandchild to use her stuff but it's your baby, not hers, ultimately it not her decision, she can't force you to take something you don't want.

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    Default Re: Tactful ways of refusing secondhand baby equipment...

    My FIL got a cot off a vege collection, and made a matress for it which didn't fit. Ds slept in once as we didn't have any other choice then every other time we went there I took the porta cot ' because it is more familiar to him'

    **Mum, Dad, Big boy (Dec 08) and Baby girl (Feb 11)**

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    Default Re: Tactful ways of refusing secondhand baby equipment...

    Is it still under the house? Sneak over one night and steal it. Or trash it. burn it.

    Or say your parents suprised you with a layby of stuff. I'm SURE your parents will cover that story... Or maybe not your parents, she might feel like there is a competition to be the best grandmother or something... You could say a group of friends chipped in.

    Haha, dps mother is hanging onto his old chairs for when his brother has children of his own.
    Even though his brother is an antisocial alcoholic pot head.
    Even though his very on off girlfriend has 5 children of her own, is about to be a grandmother, and has her tubes tied...
    Even though I really like those chairs and have a daughter who needs them...

    Oh well. I wonder if we will end up holding onto things for over 20 years?

    Has she actually seen these items recently? Maybe dig them out with as many of her children around as possible to tell her to pull her head in. That's how we roll in my family, anyway. If the three of us stand up for each other we have a much better chance. Or does she have a sister or friends? my parents listen when my super conservative aunt sides with me.

    Get familar with aus standards so you can point out why stuff isn't up to scratch, ie cot bars are more than 15cm apart. Wrong sort of child seat. Or make it up. I would if I were in your shoes.

    I guess its hard because I would be torn between tact and honesty/ horror.

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    Default Re: Tactful ways of refusing secondhand baby equipment...

    Definitely agree with the others that perhaps getting someone else to back you guys up might do the trick.

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    Default Tactful ways of refusing secondhand baby equipment...

    Arm yourself with safety info about carseats being safe for only 10yrs, SIDS info about new mattress for each baby and aus standards about cots.

    If she still refuses to listen to any of it you and DH are just going to have to flat out refuse it siting safety concerns for your new bub

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    GrabbyCrabby is offline She is everything I need, that I never knew I wanted... She is everything I want, that I never knew I needed...
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    Default Tactful ways of refusing secondhand baby equipment...

    Check out this page

    http://www.productsafety.gov.au/cont.../itemId/970773

    I also ordered a booklet just for Grandparents. I'll have to google in the morning for it

    Good luck!!!

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    Wow, it is hard to deal with someone when their grip on reality is so tenuous, isn't it?!

    Even with a new mattress etc, I'd be testing anything that has been painted for lead paint). Might not have been new when she got it either. You can get a testing kit at the hardware store. And of course, no way anything would comply with safety codes.

    I predict this is the first of many battles you will have with her. If not unwanted baby items, it will be unwanted advice. She's living in the past and doesn't realise this is not a chance for her to relive her glory days of mothering, but your and your DH's time to be parents.

    It doesn't sound like tactful or gentle is going to work, since she hasn't listened to your objections.

    I wonder if Kidsafe (or similar body in your state) might be prepared to check them over. You could say, "We've decided to accept your generous offer, as long as you don't mind KidSafe checking them to make sure they're safe. I'm sure you won't mind as your grand baby's safety will be important to you".

    No way it will pass and an expert might get through to her

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