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  1. #51
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    Default I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by ermergerd View Post
    Because parenting isnt 24/7 sunshine and lollipops and anyone who pretends it is naive or a liar. and parents shouldnt be guilted into think they have to think its all wonderful and they have to treat everything with amazing patience and honeydrops all the time. This is the real world not pretend forum land
    No so...in the real world a good solution would be to go to my local hardware store and buy a lock and lock my kids in their bedroom overnight. Perfectly rational don't you think?
    I was not saying life with kids was "honeydrops all the time" there are problems.
    However I think this was an abusive solution to a problem.

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  3. #52
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    Default Re: I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by SugarplumMummy View Post
    No so...in the real world a good solution would be to go to my local hardware store and buy a lock and lock my kids in their bedroom overnight. Perfectly rational don't you think?
    I was not saying life with kids was "honeydrops all the time" there are problems.
    However I think this was an abusive solution to a problem.
    now you're just being obtuse

  4. #53
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    and all that the Lorax left here in this mess was a small pile of rocks with the one word...UNLESS
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    And this is the sort of thread which sort of, makes me realise how bubhub has really opened my eyes.

    I had a nonsleeper for 3 years (during that time, we had our second child - who slept better, but would wake during that time too, my eldest only started sleeping through after going on meds for seizures). It is now I look back and think (heck no way I would think I could be awake at 1.30am and face a day at work tomorrow, but in those days, I'd work on 3 or 4 hours sleep as that's all my DS would offer me. To be able to go to work after 6 or 7 hours of sleep is luxury!

    I was literally at breaking point many nights, I would be rocking back and forth in his bedroom, sometimes holding him, sometimes sitting next to the cot waiting for him to wake again, sometimes trying to cosleep - I tried it all.

    The thing I take away from bubhub is I learned so many more coping strategies that I never even considered, even reading books, because, regardless of reading books, it was (and still will be) the "real people's experiences" which remind me that what I was experiencing was not abnormal, or to be ashamed of.

    The biggest worry I found as a sleep deprived parent, was that I must be doing something wrong because my son didn't sleep regardless of all the lovely things I did from books and professional advice. The way I learned to be human again was through bubhub where I learned that others had the same problems as I did that the book suggestions didn't always work and it was more "normal" as others experienced the same problems as I did and I wasn't "abnormal" as a parent!!!!

    Whenever I see articles such as this, I realise how lucky I am that I am a member of a community where there are many other people who have likely been in my shoes (even for a night) who understand what sleep deprivation (in this example) truly means. And most importantly, while we may not have the answers, we can at least for a moment, cyber "group hug" in understanding how others in our situations can reach that point and not necessarily know the best way to handle it.

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  6. #54
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    Default I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    Now go read the thread of shameful motherhood secrets......desperate times call for desperate measures and ALOT of parents do things they arent proud of. Everyone has a breaking point.
    I agree. I like to think I would never do anything like this. But I've never even been close to breaking point.

    While I don't agree with what they did, I feel empathy for the couple. Doesn't surprise me that most people on here don't though.

    I don't like the idea of him giving an ultimatum but I doubt he would actually have left - it was just perhaps the extra motivation his wife needed to take some action. I'm sure we have all done that at some point with our spouses (if you don't do X I'm not going to do Y type thing).

    I'm but glad the family is all getting some sleep now and is much happier.
    Last edited by kw123; 21-12-2012 at 06:21.

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    Default I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by SugarplumMummy View Post
    I'm even more disgusted that other parents think this is okay. Seriously?! Why do people have children if they aren't prepared to face problems in a sensible and loving manner and in a way that will not damage your child.
    Are you serious? Wow. How's the view from up there?

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  10. #56
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    Default I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Ana Gram View Post
    I don't like the idea of locking a child in their room but agree with London here. Some people, like me, absolutely cannot do the co-sleeping thing.
    Agree. And wouldn't the same issues occur since the parents hasn't actually gone to bed yet? Or is the theory that just being in the parent's bed (even alone) will make them want to stay there?

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    Default I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    I feel really sorry for them. I don't know how I'd cope with years of sleep deprivation, so I'm not hoping to judge them on what they did.

    Serious question though, for all you guys saying how disgusting this is, what is the huge difference between having a 3yo in a cot 'locked in', and locking the kid in the room? I'm assuming you wouldn't judge a person quite so harshly if they did CIO in a cot (yes I know you would still judge) but it seems as if you all think this is far worse?

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    I can't comment on the techniques they resorted to - I've never been in that situation.... Thankfully.

    I was put off by the tone of the article... It came across as self-richeous smug to me. He starts off by saying his wife got up 50 or so times, then he gives her an ultimatum?? What a dispicable thing to do, to threaten to leave her so he can go off and get his way (while she's the one getting up 50 times to the child). Ick, how gross.

    Plus the general tone of the article seemed insincere to me. I wasn't overly convinced he had a problem with locking the child in. But yeah not sure what I think about the locking in part... I haven't been that desperate.
    Last edited by Ellewood; 21-12-2012 at 06:31.

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    Default I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    I think it's the hormones but I actually cried reading this, when he said they left a pillow and blanket by the door. Not because i think theyre 'sick ****s' but just because i can Imagine how awful it would feel doing this.

    I completely agree with the posters that have said everyone has a breaking point. I can't believe how distraught everyone is getting and calling the father names - seriously there's a lot worse that parents can do!!! In fact I would say the mental well being of that boy, throwing tantrums every night for 6 months is far crueler!!! This worked, 3 nights later he slept through. Are you guys kidding!?!?

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    Default I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Our DD did not sleep through the night until she was 2 years old and she was still waking at ungodly hours at 3.

    But I know that if I ever did something like that I would never sleep another night soundly in my life because it goes against every instinct and belief I hold as a mother. We don't even close bedroom doors in our home so the thought of forcibly locking her anywhere is particularly distressing to me.

    We all have moments as parents where the very limits of our sanity and emotional energy are tested, this is a reason to have empathy for the couple though not to condone or excuse what they did.As parents we need to be mindful of crossing the line of abuse in our darkest hours, and in this instance I think they danced over that line. I think its important as a society for us to protect the boundaries of that line & not suggest that it is made of chalk to be amended as to suit ourselves when we **** up.

    Just because they were desperate, does not make it any less traumatic for the child & ultimately that's what matters.

    And for the record I know all too well the stress sleep deprivation puts on a relationship, but there is no way in hell our marriage would survive him manipulating me into doing something like that.

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