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  1. #211
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    Default I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by PlayNice View Post
    [.

    How do I know? I have a background in developmental psychology and I know that they inflicted severe, uncomforted distress on their child.

    You don't have to remember an event to be significantly conditioned by it, and trauma like ESPECIALLY during the first five years of life changes a child.
    No one is saying it's a nice situation but I certainly think 3 nights of screaming is better than 6 months of endless tantrum-filled nights and exhausted, resentful parents.

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  3. #212
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    I really think the parents could have explored other options. There are two of them; it can be helpful to tag team these things, one gets an uninterrupted night's sleep to stay sane, the other comforts the toddler. Then vice versa the next night. No - it doesn't leave much time for a movie, dinner and wine together once kids are silently in bed - but a lot of the time as parents we seem to forget This Too Shall Pass. As Trish said, the kids move out and we're left with hubby alone for the rest of our lives! So much time in the future to have snuggles & dates and alone time. I just think while kids are under 5, their needs *are* put first (in terms of essential comfort and emotional security, NOT unreasonable demands) and the rest can come later. These are the building block years of their lives.

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  5. #213
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    Default Re: I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    I agree with borntobe about tag teaming it. We have a 4yo and a 3mo. Our 4yo is too anxious to sleep alone, so we have to take one each, which means we're all sleeping ok. It's not optimal for our relationship, but our older son's mental health has to take priority. It won't be forever.

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  7. #214
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    Default Re: I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by PlayNice View Post
    [HTML]Sonny cried his lungs out for three solid hours, a hideous, guttural sound that haunts me to this day. In the morning, he was curled up asleep by the door.
    When I dropped him at nursery, Sonny was like a zombie, and when I collected him that evening, a concerned carer took me to one side and asked if everything was ok at home. Apparently Sonny had fallen asleep face-first in his lunch. His voice was hoarse.
    ‘Oh, he just had a bad night,’ I stammered, but was filled was a terrible sense of shame. I felt cruel and heartless — but I also felt that we had to hold our nerve. After all, this was our last hope.
    Things improved slightly on the second night. Sonny cried for an hour, but didn’t batter at the door, nor did he wake in the night. And, on the third night, he finally stayed in bed and slept through. The message had got through: there was no point trying to escape[/HTML]

    Highlighting mine.

    How do I know? I have a background in developmental psychology and I know that they inflicted severe, uncomforted distress on their child.

    You don't have to remember an event to be significantly conditioned by it, and trauma like ESPECIALLY during the first five years of life changes a child.
    I apologize, you are a professional and would know these things. I still disagree that this would be scaring to most children though. I was wrong to say it wouldn't scar a child based on my own experience but I still don't think you can slam these parents for doing what I see as the last possible option.

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  8. #215
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    Quote Originally Posted by princessleah View Post
    I still disagree that this would be scaring to most children though.
    What are you basing this assumption on? I have been significantly and permanently traumatised by being locked in my bedroom as a young child. I now cannot go into confined spaces without anxiety (planes, lifts, even toilets can set it off). Yes, I am only one person, but I suspect many people would be left with long term damage, perhaps more subtle than mine. Children internalise their experiences, manifesting in the adult in ways that may not be in obvious link to the precipitating experience.

    The problem with using such a technique is that the parents aren't to know if their child is predisposed to some sort of anxiety disorder, and therefore may damage the mental health of their child.

  9. #216
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    Default I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by BornToBe View Post
    I really think the parents could have explored other options. There are two of them; it can be helpful to tag team these things, one gets an uninterrupted night's sleep to stay sane, the other comforts the toddler. Then vice versa the next night. No - it doesn't leave much time for a movie, dinner and wine together once kids are silently in bed - but a lot of the time as parents we seem to forget This Too Shall Pass. As Trish said, the kids move out and we're left with hubby alone for the rest of our lives! So much time in the future to have snuggles & dates and alone time. I just think while kids are under 5, their needs *are* put first (in terms of essential comfort and emotional security, NOT unreasonable demands) and the rest can come later. These are the building block years of their lives.
    100% agree. We tag teamed when dd1 was just not sleeping. It did pass!

  10. #217
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    Default Re: I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Ceili View Post
    What are you basing this assumption on? I have been significantly and permanently traumatised by being locked in my bedroom as a young child. I now cannot go into confined spaces without anxiety (planes, lifts, even toilets can set it off). Yes, I am only one person, but I suspect many people would be left with long term damage, perhaps more subtle than mine. Children internalise their experiences, manifesting in the adult in ways that may not be in obvious link to the precipitating experience.

    The problem with using such a technique is that the parents aren't to know if their child is predisposed to some sort of anxiety disorder, and therefore may damage the mental health of their child.
    My son had similar. I've been putting so much effort into making him feel heard and supported. No closed doors. Lots of freedom. Haven't forced him to play with slides etc or taken him into confined spaces. Over a year on (almost two) he had started going into tunnels etc and is experimenting with closing doors.

    It's sad to see a three year old have to build this confidence again. They shouldn't be scared like that.

    Spent from my dome. Excuse autocorrect

  11. #218
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    Default I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    This is awful - what if he had woken up really ill with a raging fever or something during the night! This child is going to grow up with severe anxiety and insecurity issues!! How any parent can do this to their child is beyond me! I understand getting to the point of absolute exhaustion but I would've given in by co sleeping - it wouldn't last forever!! I just feel really sad for today little boy! There is a good reason why that dirt of behavior is illegal here. It is neglect!!

  12. #219
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    thats lazy parenting IMO, how heartless of them and also who leaves their kid in their room for 2 hours before you get your lazy but out of bed in the morning..

  13. #220
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    Default Re: I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    My background is also psychology, and and I heartily disagree that 3 hours of crying will inevitably traumatise a child for life. We are not talking about a persistent prolonged campaign by the parents. It may well be the case that the child doesn't recall and isn't affected by the experience. To say it will harm him for life is an overstatement, to say the very least.

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