[HTML]Sonny cried his lungs out for three solid hours, a hideous, guttural sound that haunts me to this day. In the morning, he was curled up asleep by the door.
When I dropped him at nursery, Sonny was like a zombie, and when I collected him that evening, a concerned carer took me to one side and asked if everything was ok at home. Apparently Sonny had fallen asleep face-first in his lunch. His voice was hoarse.
‘Oh, he just had a bad night,’ I stammered, but was filled was a terrible sense of shame. I felt cruel and heartless — but I also felt that we had to hold our nerve. After all, this was our last hope.
Things improved slightly on the second night. Sonny cried for an hour, but didn’t batter at the door, nor did he wake in the night. And, on the third night, he finally stayed in bed and slept through. The message had got through: there was no point trying to escape[/HTML]
How do I know? I have a background in developmental psychology and I know that they inflicted severe, uncomforted distress on their child.
You don't have to remember an event to be significantly conditioned by it, and trauma like ESPECIALLY during the first five years of life changes a child.
I do have to say that my DS was good on his own, then bad and now he sleeps better on his own again. But I actually have to lay with him until he is asleep. I have NEVER closed his door though, and when it was done to him he came home traumatised. Huge backwards step with trust and he has only just started going into enclosed spaces such as slides recently.
For some children it can be damaging (dare I say most children), but in some cases like princessleah it's not only viable, but HELPFUL.
This approach didn't work with my sister and her daughter. I wouldn't expect the same thing to work for everyone. Each child is different. Each situation is different. I will disagree with the tactic, but I won't vilify the parents.
i don't get how people can sit there and say how disgusting it is to lock a child in their room as what if their parents hadn't and in a blind rage due to extreme exhaustion and illness seriously hurt or killed their child.... then people would be saying why didn't they lock their child in their room until they could get help and support from other people?.... frustration, tiredness and illness (both physically and mentally) can lead to people doing unthinkable things...
i know that if i had tried everything and it hadn't worked and felt as though i was getting close to physically hurting my child out of frustration i would lock them in their room to save them from my self and call a family member to come and look after them until i calmed down.... however not every one has this support and i feel as though they did the best thing that they could with in the situation.
i know that with the above ill probably get asked why i am having a child especially if i feel this way before she is even born, but before judging me know this 1. i am not a violent person and would more likely harm my self before harming another let alone my own child and 2. I will walk away from a situation before i let my anger and frustration get the better of me. all i'm saying is that i would put my child's safety before my own pride
however i don't agree with them leaving a potty in his room to get a couple of extra hours of sleep especially once he was sleeping though the night...
I'm not about to start debating but I do see why the father chose his actions. And while I think it's sad I also understand his decision to make that choice. Until you have been in those exact shoes it's not as black and white as you may think and believe.
As much as I find it distressing to know that this child was crying his eyes out behind a locked door I don't think these people did it to punish their child . I think that sleep deprivation can send you crazy and maybe there for the grace of God go we.......
I read another one of this dude's articles. He is a self entitled jerk. My opinion has changed. I think turn too many blind eyes to horrifying things happening to children. My son didn't sleep for four years. He didn't. sleep. at. all. for the first two years (just thought I would mention that so as to not sound as though I don't know how they felt).
While I would never ever do this myself, ever, perhaps his son wasn't a co-sleeper. I know my toddler isn't. If I try to co-sleep my toddler ends up playing and being a toddler refusing sleep until 1am. And is then up crying every movement because she's not where she is!
Theres nothing wrong with wanting time as a couple, but DH is a grown up, and capable of reasoning that someone else needs comfort right now, and he can wait. A small child doesnt have that ability.
Theres no way we could relax and enjoy each others company with our child screaming their guts out down the hall.
Also we have forever together, but my kids wont want to cosleep with us forever, and in 18 years I dare say they wont be home anymore. DH will be here, and we'll have plenty of 'us' time then.
(ps he is currently laying down with our 2.5yo in her room, as she wanted a cuddle before bed, and he asks her each night if she needs a cuddle before bed, so he not exactly forced into it)
I'm still on the first article. My DD isn't born yet, but I won't rule out the possibility of a lock on her door if faced with a situation like this. I've suffered from depression and anxiety for 10 years, have been told I'm at risk of PND, and while I'm excited about DD I'm also extremely nervous about how I'll cope with relentless crying or constantly having to take her back to her room. I've overreacted badly at our cat for meowing too much for my liking, what if I can't handle a child? I might need a lock on her door to give me a chance to regroup before I do something horrible, especially when my DP works nights and I'm alone.
A parent should consider their child's safety at all times, and if I'm not coping mentally I damn sure don't want to be the cause of her not being safe. If a lock on the door, even just for a few minutes to regroup, will help, then I'm getting one. Raise your kids how you see fit and I'll do the same.
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