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  1. #171
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiplusthree View Post
    My wife went through traumatic labour and ceasarian-Poor me! I should have abandoned her so I can feel better about sex!

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    The poor possum, Hallmark should totally make a card for that!

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  3. #172
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    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiplusthree View Post
    My child has sleeping issues-Poor me! I should threaten to abandon them unless they do the easiest thing for me possible, regardless of the impacts on them!

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    Wouldnt leaving them, regardless of the impact on them, be the easiest thing possible?

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    Default Re: I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Sorry guys he's just a selfish **** imo

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    Default Re: I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    Wouldnt leaving them, regardless of the impact on them, be the easiest thing possible?
    Oh I'm sure he will. Maybe when his wife gets older or if she becomes disabled and it becomes to "Traumatising" (inconveniant) for him.

    His answer to both scenarios.. Is to ditch his loved ones when they become too hard to deal with.

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  7. #175
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    Default I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    Maybe I could dislike this man if he had been the one who cheated......or if he had been the one whos reason for being uncomfortable was that he felt he had lost ownership of his wifes body................instead he explained his reasons were that he felt hard, real emotions (fear, guilt, empathy) after seeing his wife in utter pain over something he had half a hand in creating. What a monster
    It's no use London - most people in this thread will never interpret this thread how we have (which I obviously believe is the correct way). If it makes them feel better to vilify him then so be it.

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  9. #176
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    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiplusthree View Post

    His answer to both scenarios.. Is to ditch his loved ones when they become too hard to deal with.

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    How did he ditch them? They are still together and he didnt leave during either of those scenarios. He never mentioned how his wife felt about either one...so all anyone can do is speculate. If his wife didnt like the ultimatums then she could have told him to go jump.

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    Default Re: I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    London - you are speaking everything I'm thinking.

    Here's one for all you who think this man or these parents are monsters for what they did...

    I WAS that child. My parents were these parents. I would get up and harass my parents 50-60 times a night. I would smash things in the kitchen. I would bang my head on a concrete floor repeatedly throwing tantrums for no apparent reason. They tried co-sleeping, I would pull at their hair, their eyelids, pinch their skin. They tried everything they could try. I was the last of 4 children and my brother and sisters (much older then me, yes, I was a pleasant surprise!) were heavily depressed because of my behavior. My Dad, who loves my Mum more than life itself, was so far beyond breaking point one night he literally felt like he was going to have a heart attack. He went for a drive to calm down and returned hours later. He installed a lock on my door the next day. Like this child, I screamed like I was being murdered for hours the first night but soon I was sleeping through the night most (not all) nights. I don't recall most of this, in fact what I do remember is how sad I made my parents. Mum would try and hide it but I do remember her crying quite a bit. I was 4 years old when they finally put a lock on the door to save my family. It did not affect me one bit and I am so extremely close to my parents and once I knew everything that had happened I was grateful for what they did. My father suffered severe stress from the way I behaved and the lack of sleep him, his wife and his other kids (including me) were experiencing and I tell you what, anyone who says what my parents did to me was disgusting and un-loving can go jump.

    Have you been in these patents exact situation? NO! Then who are you to judge them?

    The ultimatum he gave his wife, what, you prefer he ran off?? It seems to me this man loves his wife a lot and seriously had no other option. I agree too he is harshly judged being that he is a man, I see it so much that what is ok for a wife to do to a husband is not ok for a husband to do to a wife.

    I'm so sick of reading all the judgmental posts in forums when people have no idea what the hell this really feels like.

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  13. #178
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    Default I locked our toddler in his room every night to save my marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    I cant help but think if it were a woman giving ultimatums it would be considered ok...like she was a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants from life. In fact, in alot of movies and tv shows we see female characters laying out on the table exactly what they want.
    eg. Sex and The City. Carrie had to ask the Russian if he wanted kids, because she was too late in her life to not be considering that......then when he said no she had to ask if he was willing to give her a life that would make up for not having kids.

    When I met DP and we started considering more from each other I told him that I already had a child (which he knew from the start) but that I did not want anymore children, so if he saw himself as a daddy in the future then we would not start dating because it was something I was not willing to give. So he had the ultimatum. Decide, RIGHT NOW, if you want to be a dad...because if you do, Im not the person for you.
    Oddly enough, here we are 7 years later and pregnant But you get my point.
    Very good point. I think it's the wording - ultimatum to me means 'Here's your options and if you don't pick the one I want there'll be negative consequences.' More of a (to use an example I'm not proud of) 'If she's going to be around I won't be' type of thing. *

    The example you gave sounds more like sounding out whether someone is right for you or not - DF & I had a similar discussion early on. I think it's all in the wording & interpretation.

    *In my defense, I was young & insecure with trust issues and I was very lucky he didn't tell me to shove it for making him choose between us

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  15. #179
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    It's no use London - most people in this thread will never interpret this thread how we have (which I obviously believe is the correct way). If it makes them feel better to vilify him then so be it.
    I know..Im not trying to defend him, Im trying to show the other side of the coin. I think Im too heavily invested in this thread but it sh!ts me

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  17. #180
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    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    I think I am viewing the ultimatum differently to alot of people.
    I am seeing it as somethings gotta give...and in a relationship I think there needs to be both people WANTING to be there and on the same page.
    Sure I get that. But for me personally, if that was my husband - if he said we really need to do something about this TODAY. I can't sleep, my work is suffering etc etc I would respond fine to that. I would agree things needed to change. But me being me lol I don't like being manipulated and being told what is happening. Furthermore moving into a motel room showed some selfishness of his behalf, bc he was happy to bail and leave his wife holding the bag.

    Look, I felt a bit upset reading that. it doesn't fit with our parenting philosophy. But I don't think they are terrible parents or people. Just human beings beyond the point of no return that had to resort to desperate measures. Like I said, I'm farrrrrr from perfect, so I have a lot of empathy for them, and the child.

    I'm just a strong willed choleric personality that won't take ultimatums

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