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  1. #21
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    Default Christmas is ruined :(

    Don't go. And tell everyone the reason why. Organise another day to go celebrate the holidays.

    Your Christmas isn't ruined. You've got your own lovely family and neither you or your husband are a nasty piece of work like this SIL.

  2. #22
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    Default Re: Christmas is ruined :(

    My mother tells me much worse things. She is rather quite crazy stuff like I'm selfish for NOT wanting dd in children 5 days a week, I'm brain damaged and lazy. I'm worthless and all I care for are "pretty little useless things." In high school I had a BMI of 17 and she told me I was fat and had cellulite. She always has said none of my friends truely care for me, and they lead me astray. And of course none of them will tell me anything bad, because they dont care for me, they're nothing to me, they feel sorry for me.

    She says I'm cheap and a slu7 who just wants men's attentions and who wants men to touch her. She's been saying that since I was in high school.

    She eavesdrop on all my phone calls with dp. Last time she stayed with us she didn't talk to him for 10 days out of a 13 day stay.

    She says its my fault, I've screwed up my life so badly and I'm too stupid to see it. This is confusing because on one hand she's saying I shouldn't have dd, but if I ask her "so, I should have had an abortion?" She gets mad and abusive.

    So lots of hate and lots of ugly. But I'm still here for Christmas. Wish I wasn't in hindsight, but dd loves to see her grandparents... And once this is over I don't have to see them till winter 2014. Hopefully at least.

    You know what I think? Suck it up. Your kids are excited. What are you going to tell them? You can't forgive and play nicely like you tell them to?

    I'd be super nice to SIL and make a point of telling her all the good things your children have done this year. If shes a ***** that's her problem.

    If I had conflict with one of dps siblings, and dd was older, I would just say "sil is coming to our Christmas party. Now, dad and sil don't get on, but dads gonna make an effort to be civil this year, and so am I. You know how some people are mean for no reason? Like they snatch all you toys and break them? It's hard to still be nice to them after that, isn't it? Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and its not nice to kick their teeth in, and its not nice to call names. So you just be as nice as you can. I'm telling you this because I know you're smart and mature enough to be good this Christmas ok? Because mummy and daddy have enough stress on their plate, and I want you to be prepared in case sil says something mean to you."
    Then I'd offer something, ie, if you're good on Christmas day, what do you reckon we go see a movie to celebrate together? Or watch a special DVD etc. If mummy and daddy can be well behaved, what do you reckon our treat should be?"

    My logic being: see, adults aren't perfect. We struggle to be nice too, sometimes. Learn from this kids.

    Sent from my HTC Incredible S using BubHub

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  4. #23
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    Default Re: Christmas is ruined :(

    Also. I can't stand the ex sil. But her kids love her, so I am nice about her ie she preggers so I helped her daughter make stuff for the baby since her daughter is excited about the baby.

    ... But I'm forever doing craft projects with her daughter. She doesnt, so its my special brand of warfare on her- a house filled with mementos of meeeee while her daughter can say how amazing I am!

    Sent from my HTC Incredible S using BubHub

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  6. #24
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    Default Re: Christmas is ruined :(

    Also. I can't stand the ex sil. But her kids love her, so I am nice about her ie she preggers so I helped her daughter make stuff for the baby since her daughter is excited about the baby.

    ... But I'm forever doing craft projects with her daughter. She doesnt, so its my special brand of warfare on her- a house filled with mementos of meeeee!

    Sent from my HTC Incredible S using BubHub

  7. #25
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    I can understand why you wouldn't want to see her.

    Could you go to your BIL's for Boxing Day instead of Christmas Day instead?

    Don't let her ruin your Christmas! If you do decide to stay at home then you can still make it a great fun day for the kids, or if you do decide to go then you can show her what great kids and a great family you have - let her see how wrong she was!!

  8. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubs'n'Roses View Post
    Don't go. And tell everyone the reason why. Organise another day to go celebrate the holidays.
    Yeah, taint the occasion for everyone and make sure they are as miserable as you?

    I don't know why anyone would want to add to the drama?

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  10. #27
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    if not going ruins your christmas then just go. if anything nasty is said that is a good time to excuse yourself and leave. it was mentioned the people saying to go are not putting the kids first.....but i disagree. if nothing nasty is said in front of kids then they wouldnt know would they. they just have a nice christmas. so it depends if you an adult has involved the kids in adult business....if the kids are unaware of what was said about them, and that is how it should be then the kids would have a great day. therefore it is weather the adults can just get on and enjoy a day and respect other people.

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  12. #28
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    In reality the only person stopping you from going is you/hubby. Why punish yourself and everyone else out of pride? Sometimes it's a choice to be happy or a choice to be 'right', you don't always get to have both.

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    I think you guys just have to put on your big girl and boy pants and deal. Lots of people don't get along it's a fact of life. I can't stand it though when people have to have sulk and don't just get on with it. So what if she said some not so nice things. If someone said that to me I honestly would not care and would not even waste my time or energy hating them back.

    I'm fairly sure everyone's family has that crazy who is unstable and unpredictable. As I say to my son though it's not other people's behaviour that defines your character. It's how YOU choose to deal with the situation. If it were me I would want to teach my kids that sometimes you just gotta bite your tongue and play the game. Having a sook and getting depressed over something so trivial is at detriment to only yourself.

    Plus who knows she might have changed. But you guys are still making judgements on her, how can one change if they aren't given a chance. You said it yourself you've never met her and he hasn't spoken to her in 6 years. Would it really be that bad just to put your ego a side and try and give it a go?

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    Default Christmas is ruined :(

    Can I ask how certain are you that you have an accurate understanding of the facts? There's a lot of he said she said. Youve never met her yet so and so told you she said this and that. Is there any way things have been misinterpreted and blown out of proportion? If so, might as well give things another chance...

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