When I applied for Child Support, they asked if the father was on the birth cert, and I said yes. And they were all “lovely, that makes things easier.”
I asked what if he wasn’t, and they sighed and said “Court orders, dna testing, it’s a lot more hassle for us, although if the father just acknowledges the child as his that makes it easier.”
I think you would find there are a lot of single mothers on here who get NOTHING from their ex partners. Either they refuse to pay up, or they pay late, or they work cash in hand, or they are just dead beats.
Then you get a whole lot of mother’s who get $25 a month.
It also gives him rights to the child. For example, my friend H had her daughter- lets call her C- when she was really young. It wasn’t planned. She spent two years trying to build a relationship with the father of the child, trying to get him to see his daughter, nada, nothing.
Anyways. She decided to move interstate, since the father wasn’t interested. In her new town, she met a man, and they started a relationship. S says it was the new relationship, along with his mother’s nagging, that made the father suddenly want custody. I’d have a few friends comment that when they got a new partner, the father suddenly pops back up- like they feel threatened.
Anyways. A house deposit worth of court fees etc later, now C has to go visit her father, even though the father still isn’t very interested- it’s HIS girlfriend who takes care of C! And it was his mother who wanted to see her granddaughter.
Similar thing happened to me: the ex didn’t care for DD, he said I could move interstate, so I did. Three months in, I’m settled into uni, into a place, with a new partner, an old friend I’ve known for ages. All is good in the world, then BAM. He changes his mind. DD cannot move interstate.
It’s taken me most of this year to work it out, but now DD can move interstate with me. I’m glad we didn’t have to go to court. But as fathers, they have legal rights.
The hardest part with a new family, and a new relationship, is that you just want to be together, seamlessly. You want your children being treated the same. You want to have Christmas on the 25th Dec, not waiting for your child to return from their fathers. You want to be left in peace with your new amazing partner. You don’t want your ex always popping in, you don’t want your children to have to go off to their house. The ex hangs around a guy wanted by police for drugs, and high school girls… a combination which never seems to end well. His stepfather is abusive towards his mother, and I hate his whole family. They are barely literate, pot smoking, small minded white trash. Plus, his mother BRAGS that she hasn’t eaten anything green for 44 years. Like that’s something to be proud of? And yet… I’m lucky. There are other mother’s on here whose children have to go visit violent ex partners, men with friends who have criminal records…
On the other hand…
Before I moved away from my hometown, I would have had $200 left over every fortnight for groceries, bills etc, after all my single parenting payments. Rent here is EXPENSIVE. The ex’s child support is $570 a month, which he pays on time. So that would make a massive difference to our lives.
On a random note, DP’s has a friend who pays $500 a WEEK in child support… so uh, if the biological father is a miner, it might pay (literally) to claim child support :P
DP pays for everything for DD- I very nearly wrote “our DD,” even though he’s not her biological father. In the future, when we marry, he wants DD to take his last name… maybe her biological father will agree, maybe not. I’ve had a hard time changing her last name so it was the same as mine.
But supporting a missus who studies full time, and a child that is not his, costs money. DP values himself based on money- like so many men do- and it hurts him a bit that he can’t go out and buy a 1010” 3D tv, or whatever. He doesn’t hold it against me. He just says “I knew you came as a package, aren’t I amazing for supporting your daughter? Now please never leave me.” :P
Or sometimes he says ‘I wish we were both working, we could be earning good money and we’d save up for a house super quick.”
So having child support makes me feel less guilty about the financial burden on him.
DP’s opinion is that he would cut child support away if it meant we never had to see the ex again.
The ex never knew his father. He has massive daddy and mummy issues. Even my boring old parents say so. So, what will you tell your child when they’re older?
On the other hand, I hang out with children a lot. Not in a creepy way, just… they like to come over to my house (this doesn’t sound any better, does it?) and I guess it’s because I sit and talk to them, or join them on the trampoline, or hula hooping, or drawing with chalk. Plus, they reckon DD has awesome toys. (She doesn’t, they’re actually THEIR old toys their parents gave me!) They also like playing with DD. I’m 23, so I’m younger then their parents, I guess, so I’m not really an ‘adult’ to them. (DP’s SIL thought I was TWELVE when she first met me! I was drawing with DP’s niece and nephew on the sidewalk.)
Anyways. The kids all have separated parents (who work, maybe this is why they end up at my house? Maybe I should start charging?) and they don’t seem fussed by their parents breaking up. When I broke up with DD’s father, it wasn’t a big deal to them. “Oh, that’s life. Adults break up all the time,” was their attitude, I guess. For them it was totally normal. For my parents… oh, the shame. They haven’t told their friends, and it’s been over a year already. But peer wise? I don’t think your child will be picked on for not knowing their father. I don’t think there will be stigma or anything.
I also know some men who, unlike the ex, have the utmost respect for their mothers who raised them alone. And they have the most wonderful attitude to women as a result.
So yeah, this is long.
At the end of the day…. If you think you can get by, then don’t put him down. Do you want to track him down and make him put in effort so your daughter can get a passport? Change her name? Yeah.
Would I have lied to CSA if I know what was going to happen?
Yes. Bring on the private investigator! A bit of shame for a lifetime of peace, I can deal with that.
I live in an army town where marines often stop over, where there are three army bases in town, another one near by ish, and they often have more ajs come up to on training exercises quite regularly… plus back packers and tourists often pass through, and the whole population is very transient.
Ok... I actually used to work for CSA (please don't hate me!) and I have also done some work in family law though it has been a while.
to start with you don't necessarily have to have the father on the birth certificate to claim child support as long as one of the other 'presumptions of parentage' is met. Eg you can prove you we're living together as a de facto couple at the time the child was conceived.you do need to claim child support to qualify for the full rate of single parent and ftb centre link payments.
Although OP you said (as I recall?) you intend to return to work so this may not be an issue for you. I do not think you need to claim child support to get paid parental leave or child care benefits. The only way you can not claim child support and still get full centrelink benefits is if centrelink grants you an exemption and as PPs have said they can be hard to get.As other posters have noted even if he is assessed to pay child support it may be a very small amount or he may not pay the amount he is assessed to pay. You can try to follow this up with CSA, if you can prove income minimisation there may be something they can do.
In terms of rights to see the child the father can pursue that whether or not he is named on the birth certificate and whether or not he pays child support even if he has not seen the child for several years. It might be slightly harder for him initially if his name is not on the certificate but there is nothing stopping him from applying to family court for a DNA test. The longer he is absent from the child's life the smaller the amount of contact the court will likely consider appropriate, at least initially.
However if u think that he will take the attitude of "I'm paying for the kid, I may as well claim visitation rights" but that he might ignore the child if he is not paying child support then that's something to consider. Also if his name is on the birth certificate you will need his permission to change the child's name and get passports.
i suggest not lying if at all possible and keeping excellent records of any contact the father does have with the child and any money he gives you (if he ever does give u anything). If you don't need to claim centre link you don't need to make a decision about claiming child support straight away. If you cant decide now keep your records (eg any emails/texts acknowledging he is the father) and you can always decide to apply in the future. Might be a useful ace in your sleeve.
That said he could potentially be a jerk in the future anyway and your child will have missed the financial support from its father it deserves in the meantime.no easy answers I'm afraid. Good luck!!!
Last edited by StellarMaris; 18-12-2012 at 01:13. Reason: All my paragraphs morphed into 1 monster paragraph
MISSBEAN that is possibly the smartest most logical response I've ever seen on this entire forum😃
It's early days. Perhaps FOB will come around. Don't let your parents stick their nose in.
I agree. I keep a file in the back of my folder titled "zack is a douchebag" (because I'm CLASSY) and its a dump spot for everything ex related. Texts where he makes an excuse to not see her: photograph onto my camera, then printed off. Screen capture showing when he should have seen dd he was off having a threesome or getting drunk? Printed and off into the file
If he asks to see dd, I write about the request and why I denied it, ie sick, not appropriate for dd to be out in sun all day long...
I don't know when or if he will next pull some sort of stunt that messes with how our lives are rolling along without him. Since I was the one who moved away, I'd normally have to pay 50% of the cost of him seeing dd. Right now he just pays less child support instead and the agreement is that he travels to see dd. He's never cared for her overnight so I don't want her travelling to see him. He can afford to see dd now, but dp and I would struggle to pay 50% of his airfares and hotel accommodation.
On the other hand, my bestie has to get on a plane from sydney to Perth to collect her partners kids, then fly back with them as they are too young to travel alone. Extra flight- extra time, extra money.
The ex is within his rights to take dd away to see his chain smoking white trash family. I'm scared of that day. They are not the people I want my dd to be around, never mind visit.
Dp's family are lovely and view dd as their own. When dp and I have our own children I dont want dd to be different to them. Neither does dp. He wants her to have his last name, and the grandchild of his parents. A daughter for all intent and purposes, not a step daughter or blow in.
It will be hard for him if dd can't change her last name. Hard for both of us if dd takes her away for Christmas. How will her siblings feel?
So yeah. My expirience with my ex- based on my personality and his- is that I'm always on patrol. My weapons are always sharpened and ready to go. I live in fear and dread that he's going to change things on me. He's pretty disinterested and I like it that way... But it can change. scared of that.
At the time of dd's birth I went along with what my parents wanted, and what everyone expected of me. Even though I had my own gut feelings. Should have gone with gut feelings.
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Just wondering as I met so many Aussies when I did business in Bali with my (now) ex-husband...
Do any of you have to deal with a deadbeat ex who will not pay child support and "escapes" to some place like Bali where its un-enforceable...? so he can live out his 'fantasy life' there and leave all his responsibilities behind (has not paid a dime for his 2 beautiful kids since 2003).
There is some progress being made in terms of international child support enforcement (Hague Convention) but it sure seems to be slow progress...
I am looking into filing in his home (EU) country (where he still has citizenship) but he lives in Bali full time now so it's a long shot...
If anyone has experience with dealing with this in Bali, would appreciate your advice!
(mom of 2)
Last edited by DeepBlue9; 09-04-2014 at 05:20. Reason: spelling ;-)
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