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  1. #11
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    Default So Confused

    It sounds to me like you already know in your heart what you should do. Surround yourself with people who will support you, not wowsers like your brother.

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    αληθη  (14-12-2012)

  3. #12
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    My best friend had an unplanned pregnancy at 19 and was unsure what to do for the same reasons. Her son is now a teenager and I'm just starting my family.
    She has a great life and career and says couldn't imagine being mid-thirties with a baby. If I could be half the mum she is I'd be so proud. Her kids are amazing and I know it was hard to start but she was supported by friends and family.
    You sound very level headed and I'm sure you'll make the right decision for yourself x

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  5. #13
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    Default So Confused

    I have kinda done both - pregnant at 18 and whilst I wasn't at uni I was taking a year off before applying. I got pregnant and decided to keep the baby much to my family and fob's (I was meant to be the "smart" one) dismay.... She is now a happy 5 1/2 year old. Fob and I are now married so that worked out fine.... But about 3 years ago I was pregnant. We had just begun building our house and I had not long started working full-time. The GFC hit and DH's work were firing a lot of people and he was relatively new there so we though he would get the sack. We decided to terminate because if he lost his job (which seemed very likely) we would have hardly any income and a mortgage with no way to pay it. We didn't think it would be fair on our DD or another child to have that life (I grew up poor and don't want that for my kids).

    Do I regret the termination?? Hell yes!! I think about it all the time... Was it the right choice IMO at the time? Yes.....

    Basically the decision is yours and yours only to make..... If you choose a termination you may regret it forever..... If you choose to keep the baby your life may not turn out how you thought......

    At the risk of being abused I would prefer to regret a termination than regret having a child but that is just my opinion.....

    Feel free to PM me.....

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    αληθη  (14-12-2012)

  7. #14
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    Default So Confused

    I was in a similar position a few months back - pregnant with a very unplanned baby, not sure what to do. I seriously contemplated a termination, something I never envisaged I would do.

    I'm not young, I'm 35 and I was married. We also had to use IVF for our DS, so to fall pregnant naturally was a huge shock - but one I eventually realised was a blessing I had to embrace.

    Sadly I've lost my DH because I decided to keep the baby - I'm 27wks now. I don't yet feel connected to this baby, because it has now thrown my life upside down and I have no idea how I'll cope on my own with 2 under 2. But what I do know is that I WILL cope because I have to. Once my bubba is born I have no doubt my love will be unconditional.

    It's not an easy decision OP, I highly recommended you see a counsellor (I'm still doing this fortnightly and it's been great).

    The only thing I will say is that if you have any doubt at all about terminating, then don't do it. You can't undo that and will possibly live with the regret forever. If its just guilt you feel at the prospect, that's ok, you can deal with that part afterwards. But if there is a genuine fear or feeling that you don't want to terminate, then don't.

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    αληθη  (14-12-2012)

  9. #15
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    Default So Confused

    BH ate my post. I will PM you.

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    Gothel  (22-01-2013)

  11. #16
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    While my baby (now nearly 5!) was planned, FOB disappeared from our lives when she was about 7 weeks old. While I loved being pregnant, and felt connected to the baby, once she was born it took some time for me to feel the connection again, because things were 'different'. She was no longer a part of me - she was her own person with her own identity.

    While FOB didn't care about the baby, I had a lot of support from my family and my friends. They were my saving grace. Without them, I wouldn't have been able to go back to work, and I would've just sat at home being miserable and depressed.

    No matter what decision you make, OP, it sounds as though you have the support of your family, which is probably the most important thing. Not having the FOB around can make things difficult at times, but at least you know that you are not alone!

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  13. #17
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    Default So Confused

    I was 19 when I fell pregnant with my daughter and had just moved to Melbourne with fob and him, our housemates and his family all told me "I knew what the right thing to do was" ie. Have an abortion. I knew somewhere deep down that I didn't want to do that and luckily my family especially my mum was really supportive and she told me she would support me with whatever I decided and it will all work out. So to fully make my mind up I looked at some religious websites that were anti-abortion which were very full on but I already knew I didn't want to do it. I stayed with fob for about a year after she was born then we split and I was on my own in melbourne so at first had to rely on centrelink and despite what people say you can make it work, then I finally found a job which was hard but "you gotta do what you gotta do" haha. Its such a big decision and obviously there is a lot to consider but if you wanted to do it and think you can then honestly I think you can, no one will ever say it's easy but it's so worth it.
    My daughter is so amazing and has made me a much better person.

    I'm not trying to sway your decision at all just wanted to tell you my story even though it's different from yours sometimes it can help to hear someone else's story.

    Also I'm pro choice, termination just wasn't the right decision for me!

    Anyway good luck with your decision, I know it's not an easy one

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    αληθη  (22-01-2013)

  15. #18
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    Default So Confused

    I had a termination when I was 17, it was right for us at the time, I don't regret it now but I felt guilty and was hard on myself for a long while afterwards. We continued our relationship and were surprised when we fell preg with DD 9 years later ( same partner who is now DH). When DD was almost 1 I had an ectopic pregnancy and lost a tube. We had tried for almost a year to fall preg again and when DD was 3 DS was born. He was a twin and I lost one at 10 weeks. We were told it was unlikely we would have any more babies. DS 2 was born when DS 1 was just 2 years old, DS3 was born 2 years later, in 2010.
    So here we are, 4 beautiful children in a teeny tiny house, tsking contraception and we found out Christmas Eve that we are preg again, totally unplanned...

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  17. #19
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    Default So Confused

    I too had an unplanned pregnancy and like pesca was pressured to have an abortion by my DH. I absolutely knew I was keeping my miracle baby (my science-defying gift from the universe!), no matter what the cost. I was adamant, but even I felt ambivalent at times, and I was 32 with a career.

    OP it sounds like your...brother? sorry cant remember... has taken the wind out of your sails, which, combined with good old hormones has led to you doubting your decision. I wonder what his motives are? I have seen other posts of yours where you have seemed so excited about your pregnancy, which is still in its early stages.

    It is totally your choice how you proceed but if you continue your pregnancy you seem mature, practical and centred. You CAN do this on your own. Your life will be enriched by motherhood and you will be healthier for nine + months of not partying. Take care of yourself emotionally and spiritually and tune out the doubters either way.

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  19. #20
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    I had my first at 15, if you want to chat via PM with someone feel free

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