So I'm very young and still freaking out about my pregnancy. I'm excited but talking to my step brother today (he's just graduated from uni and is about to start his internship next year and has gone through all the training for abortions/pregnancy as well as all the other usual doctor stuff) and he's starting to make me think maybe I shouldn't be having this baby. I just don't know what to do anymore. Sure it would be convenient for me to not be pregnant, continue the uni life and all but then I just can't stand the idea of not only murdering my child but also being completely irresponsible and not taking the consequences of my actions.
I don't have that connection with my bub like I felt with a previous pregnancy (which I miscarried at 10 weeks) but I kind of get a bit excited when I think about it. I have a history of depression so everyone thinks I will get pnd, which I suppose is quite likely as fob wants nothing to do with me so I'll be doing it on my own as well.
I really don't know what to do anymore. Before I saw my step brother today everyone was so supportive of me continuing the pregnancy except fob (however he also isnt supportive of talking to me after I found out about all his lies, long other story there) but now I'm just so confused. As much as I'd love to be able to have casual drinks with my friends, not having to watch my diet and lifestyle and just be completely irresponsible, I also don't want to end up like my sister who is getting close to not being able to have kids is living the party life of a teenager and is going quite wild. I know I will want children in a few years and that once I see the bub for the first time or even feel it's kicks before that, I will develop my bond. The thought of an abortion scares me as much as having a baby. What if I regret it? What if I regret not having it?
I really need other opinions please. I'm so lost now.
I want the kid but I also don't know how much of that is me being stubborn and I don't know what's best for the kid anymore.