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  1. #81
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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    Default relationship issues - 30 weeks preg

    Actors filmed semi-naked isn't even in the same ballpark as actors filmed having intercourse.

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    My self esteem has nothing to do with my dislike for it, I can tell you that beyond a shadow of a doubt. I have fantastic self esteem when it comes to my husband, Im the one he married, im the one he comes home to every night - nothing to feel insecure about. In fact I am usually the ones pointing out the actresses and models I think are good looking for him to see what he thinks.

    Mine issue is the pron industry itself

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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    Very blurry lines, like I said. What if the website (paid or free, whatever) had a chat function? The bottom line is a man is jerking off to images of another woman. If his partner believes it is cheating then in their relationship *it is*.
    We've discussed the guidelines that are and are not acceptable to me and a chat function is not acceptable. As I said, we have no blurry lines whatsoever. NO talking/chatting/receiving images/emailing/messaging/texting etc etc.

    I'll say it again because it seems you haven't read all my posts. If another woman believes that it is cheating for her DH/DP/DF to watch porn then that's fine. I never once said her opinion wasn't valid. What I said was is that it's NOT cheating for me and I don't understand how they can view it as cheating for the reasons I already gave BUT if they still believe it's cheating then that's their perogative.

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    Just read through this thread. All I can say is I'm glad im not in some of your marriages. Lying and deceit isn't really my thing for a marriage.

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    Default relationship issues - 30 weeks preg

    Sorry your thread has gone this way OP, think the first few replies were totally dismissive and awful! For what it's worth I don't give a toss what others do/believe in their relationships but I see this statement bandied about a fair bit on threads like these "I'd rather he watch po*rn than go off and cheat"... Is that seriously an either or situation in some relationships? If those were the options given to me by my DF because I wasn't "giving" him any I would tell him to go ***** himself. Just because they're men doesn't give them a right to disrespect partners feelings and lie, not all men do this and it is incredibly rude to say so.

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    Benji  (14-12-2012),ermergerd  (14-12-2012),Mod-Degrassi  (14-12-2012),peanutmonkey  (14-12-2012),Rutabaga  (14-12-2012),Stiflers Mom  (14-12-2012),wantsabubba  (14-12-2012)

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    Default relationship issues - 30 weeks preg

    Quote Originally Posted by NancyBlackett View Post
    I wasn't suggesting he wasn't.

    But a man who thinks his right to get his rocks off is more important that the right of his partner to feel safe and secure and respected in a relationship is practically a Neanderthal IMO. I feel desperately sorry for anyone who knows a man like that, let alone be in a relationship with one.
    Wouldn't it just be awful.
    I can't imagine my husband putting a "visual aid" before my very strong, valid feelings about him looking at other women naked.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    So you think the solution to a woman who, by your definition, has low self esteem is to ridicule her and tell her that her feelings are wrong? That a partner should just continue to watch hardcore pronography knowing it hurts his partner?

    TBH it sounds like he has a bit of a problem if it's daily, and it's affecting their s3x life.
    Are you serious Benji?? Where did I say that it's ok to ridicule her and where did I say that a woman who is upset by her DH watching porn is wrong? Show me where I said that a partner should continue to watch p o r n even though it upsets their partner? Don't put words in my mouth/ I'm so sick of having everything I saw twisted to something it's not!!

    All I said was that USUALLY the women who have a problem with their partner watching porn is because they have self esteem issues. Thats' all I said! Don't make up crap in your head that I never said.

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    Default relationship issues - 30 weeks preg

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Likewise how they turn into 'you're in denial', 'you're a prude', 'all men watch p*rn' These debates are never one sided, there are cheap shots all around lol
    Agreed

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    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    My self esteem has nothing to do with my dislike for it, I can tell you that beyond a shadow of a doubt. I have fantastic self esteem when it comes to my husband, Im the one he married, im the one he comes home to every night - nothing to feel insecure about. In fact I am usually the ones pointing out the actresses and models I think are good looking for him to see what he thinks.

    Mine issue is the pron industry itself
    Like I said, it can be a reason. Doesn't mean it is for everyone. I think it's awesome that you have amazing self esteem. Good on you

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    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    Are you serious Benji?? Where did I say that it's ok to ridicule her and where did I say that a woman who is upset by her DH watching porn is wrong? Show me where I said that a partner should continue to watch p o r n even though it upsets their partner? Don't put words in my mouth/ I'm so sick of having everything I saw twisted to something it's not!!

    All I said was that USUALLY the women who have a problem with their partner watching porn is because they have self esteem issues. Thats' all I said! Don't make up crap in your head that I never said.
    I think presuming she has low self esteem (and high fiving other members who have said this) is pretty gross. We do not know this. Perhaps she just expects more from her man than watching hardcore pronography on a daily basis. Perhaps her self esteem is so high she would expect her man to not NEED any more 'visual aids' than her own beautiful self.

    We get that you don't mind what your DH does, yes it's so groovey and this that and the other, but fobbing her feelings off as "all men do it, don't worry because I'm cool with my man doing it" is dismissive.

    Some people have open relationships. Do they have higher self esteem than those of us who refuse to partake in open relationships?

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