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  1. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I didn't say it was cheating, I don't think it is. All I'm saying is that it isn't a stretch that there can be an idea that you are bringing someone else into the relationship on a mental level. If you don't see it that way cool, but others might.

    What annoys me about these threads is all these insinuations and judgments about what is going on in other people's relationships. What their motivations for not liking it are. Each to their own You are fine with it, that doesn't make your DH some pervert. I'm not fine with it and I'm not some sexually repressed frump with trust issues.... and I'm not saying you said all that, but these are the standard generalisations in these threads.
    Sorry Del I thought you meant it was cheating .. my mistake

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    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    AOnce he's done he doesn't give any of them a nother thought.
    What if he finds a certain video he likes more than others, or a certain 'actress' that he likes more and only watched vids of her. Would you think he is emotionally cheating then?

  3. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by darla87 View Post
    Yep. Acting is acting. They are not having sex. Stockings, lighting and camera angles make it look like they are. Porn is watching actual sex. There's a very big difference
    Uhm you'll find that p o r n stars are actually referred to as actors as they are indeed "acting" out for the big screen. Most of those scenes are on a movie set with people being paid and there are producers and everything. So yeah, not saying I agree with the term that p o r n stars are actors, but it doesn't mean they're not referred to as actors.

  4. #114
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    Default relationship issues - 30 weeks preg

    Tbh- everyone is entitled to their opinion, and people have boundaries that they don't wont their partners to cross and that is fine, if it works for them then who are we to judge.

    The OP put this up as relationship issues as I'm sure she wanted someone to give her advice. Now I know it if very hard to give advice without giving your own life story and opinions but I really feel like this was a very sensitive matter, and those ladies who don't have an issue with it to say it just men being men perhaps should have started a different thread about " I don't mind what my partner looks at on the Internet" for those ladies who actually saw the post and wanted to reach out and offer constructive advice like " talk to him" or tried to provide empathy then I think you understood what the OP was needing. To go back and forth about my husband doesn't look at it, my husband does and I don't care. Really isn't helping someone who is in a time of crisis.
    I have read through all these pages and started at I know mine doesn't watch it to maybe he does because they say all men do to why the heck would I not believe my DH because some ladies on the Internet said they all do. Wether yours does or doesn't or mine does or doesn't, does not make what the OP is going through better.
    I'm sure I won't be liked very much for writing this but sometimes we are so quick to defend our lives and our choices we miss what is really being asked.

    To OP I hope you have unsubscribed your own thread as I'm sure the later parts have not been helpful, but if your still hear if its not ok with then you need to let him know, if compromise is what you would to do then do that, if you would like him to go and see someone then you ask him to that. Only you know what you can handle in a relationship and it wouldn't be fair on you if you felt undesirable all the time.

    I suggest we stick a fork in this thread because I think it's done. If people want to debate wether or not they are fine with their other half doing who knows what why not start a new thread anyways that's just my opinion we are all entitled to one...

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  6. #115
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndigoJ View Post
    What if he finds a certain video he likes more than others, or a certain 'actress' that he likes more and only watched vids of her. Would you think he is emotionally cheating then?
    Yeah I've thought of that but honestly, no, I still wouldn't see it as cheating. I have watched the same videos sometimes but purely for the content. Not for the guy in it. If he tried to make contact or something like that then that's a different story. The moment my DH doesn't make me feel like the sexiest woman on earth, then we'll be revisiting the p o r n situation but while he makes me feel like a Goddess and sexy and beautiful, I won't have a problem with him watching the same video.

  7. #116
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    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    Are we really going there again? For the last time. My DH does not watch people he knows. I'd kill him! He doesn't chat to these people. Again, I would chop his bits off. He watches random people (as do I sometimes) with his eyes and has a w*nk. Big deal! Do I think he's cheating on me by doing this? No I don't. There's nothing emotional about it. To him they are just people on a screen having s e x. Once he's done he doesn't give any of them a nother thought. It's a difference of opinion and we'll never agree on it so let's leave it there. You think it's cheating? No problem. I don't think you're right or wrong. I just find your opinion different to mine.
    I'm just pointing out the lack of logic. It feels right to you, and that's fine. But it's not logical.

    I've found that most people who defend the use of p0rnography do so by ignoring logic; they accept certain fallacies in order to justify their position. I'm interested in pointing this out, because I think everyone should examine their beliefs and motives here.

    However this goes well beyond the point of the thread, and I don't wish to derail it any further for the OP. So cheers from me

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    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    Agreed. I don't believe anyone is wrong in this scenario. Oh and I never said all men do it. I said that ALL the men I've encountered in my 17 years in male dominated industries and growing up with my brother and his million friends and being with my DH and around his million and one friends, I've witnessed it for myself that ALL of these men were into porn. That is all.
    I'd really like to know what industry you were in. I have worked for 20 years in law and I wouldn't have a clue whether the men I worked with watched pron or not. I am struggling to think of an industry you could work in where you'd even know that.

  9. #118
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    OP Im sorry you are feeling the way you said you are I think its normal to feel a bit unsexy in pregnancy and the surge of hormones and rollercoaster emotions certainly dont help any situation.

    My DP has looked at online stuff since before I met him and still does now that I am pregnant. It doesnt bother me in the slightest, but thats not to say that this is a blanket 'its fine' for everyone. Sounds to me like you and your DP need to have a proper chat about how it makes you feel and how looking at it makes him feel. Your feelings about it are important but his are also. I hope everything turns out for the best

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  11. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by NellyS View Post
    Tbh- everyone is entitled to their opinion, and people have boundaries that they don't wont their partners to cross and that is fine, if it works for them then who are we to judge.

    The OP put this up as relationship issues as I'm sure she wanted someone to give her advice. Now I know it if very hard to give advice without giving your own life story and opinions but I really feel like this was a very sensitive matter, and those ladies who don't have an issue with it to say it just men being men perhaps should have started a different thread about " I don't mind what my partner looks at on the Internet" for those ladies who actually saw the post and wanted to reach out and offer constructive advice like " talk to him" or tried to provide empathy then I think you understood what the OP was needing. To go back and forth about my husband doesn't look at it, my husband does and I don't care. Really isn't helping someone who is in a time of crisis.
    I have read through all these pages and started at I know mine doesn't watch it to maybe he does because they say all men do to why the heck would I not believe my DH because some ladies on the Internet said they all do. Wether yours does or doesn't or mine does or doesn't, does not make what the OP is going through better.
    I'm sure I won't be liked very much for writing this but sometimes we are so quick to defend our lives and our choices we miss what is really being asked.

    To OP I hope you have unsubscribed your own thread as I'm sure the later parts have not been helpful, but if your still hear if its not ok with then you need to let him know, if compromise is what you would to do then do that, if you would like him to go and see someone then you ask him to that. Only you know what you can handle in a relationship and it wouldn't be fair on you if you felt undesirable all the time.

    I suggest we stick a fork in this thread because I think it's done. If people want to debate wether or not they are fine with their other half doing who knows what why not start a new thread anyways that's just my opinion we are all entitled to one...
    You're right. We all completely derailed this thread but I honestly believe it may help the OP with her decision on what to do next. It always helps to have different opinions and to see how others do it. It may open her mind to a new way of thinking. It may not. You can't say this thread has been unhelpful though. I would be glad for all of the information on this thread. I had the exact same thing happen to me when I first got together with my DH and I wish I had had all this information to read through before making a decision. I can only hope that the OP finds something that resonates within her in all these posts.

  12. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    I'm just pointing out the lack of logic. It feels right to you, and that's fine. But it's not logical.
    Not logical to you. That's fine but don't say it's not logical. It;s your opinion only. Not fact.


 

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