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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by AppleIsleSMum View Post
    What about if the father has another child? Why would those siblings be denied the right to spend and build a relationship?
    Well either way a child is going to be disadvantaged aren't they. There is no other way around it if there are a few kids to a few different fathers. It just simply wouldn't work. I think the only way it would work, in situations like that is if every fortnight that each child goes to each parent and developed relationships during those visits. Unless you are able to send them all to the other for one week then they all come home for the other week....but F me! How the hell would that be able to be organised? You'd have to be friends with all the fathers/mothers and all agree on the same weeks. So complicated!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberleygal1 View Post
    I think all cases should be accessed individually.

    I know there are some dead beat dads out there but there are also many caring fathers that get the rough end of the stick after a separation. I think it would be devastating for a father of such to have his kids taken from him and only having limited access as in most cases the kids go with the mother. And being a good father involved with his kids and having a good relationship with this kids surely going into such a situation would not be fair on the kids so I would think a 50/50 scenario should be worth a try for all involved.
    I think they get the 'rough end of the stick' because generally it's the mother who does the day to day caring for the child when they're together. IMO it is completely unfair for a young child to be primarily with his/her mum, and cared for by mum, to be pawned off in a 50/50 scenario. If the child is young, it's generally mum who has given up her career in order to stay at home and raise the child, or find better working hours.

    When I split from ex there is no way in HELL I would have allowed DS to be forced into a 50/50 situation when I was at home raising him - why should he go into child care? Why should he have been separated from his mother with whom he was still breastfeeding?

    I do agree it's case by case, because as AppleIsleSMum mentioned some situations there are siblings involved, and as they get older what the child wants has to come into play (although sadly a lot would choose the more negligent parent because there wouldn't be as many rules applied).

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  4. #83
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Would people really stay with the other person in a loveless relationship?
    I know my DP & his exw parent a lot better apart then they did together.

    I don't think 50/50 should be week by week. Packing a bag would suck for any age child.

    My SD doesn't need to bring anything to our house, her bedroom is complete, toys, clothes shoes you name it she has it. She has just as much here as she does at her mum.

    If parents could leave the past in the past and work on their parenting relationship with each other a lot of children from split family homes would not be so badly affected.
    I think if the parents co parent well, most custody arrangements would work.

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    Yours sounds ideal AppleIsleSMum.

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    I definitely don't think people should stay in loveless relationships. It's awful. For everyone. I left for that reason and I think he has had a difficult time coming to terms with that as he wanted to stay in a relationship anyway.

    DD loves packing her bag once a month to go visit her dad (at the moment, I think it is going to be much harder as she gets older). But that is because it is like a holiday for her. She can stay up as late as she wants, eat what she wants, do what she wants, how fun.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I think they get the 'rough end of the stick' because generally it's the mother who does the day to day caring for the child when they're together. IMO it is completely unfair for a young child to be primarily with his/her mum, and cared for by mum, to be pawned off in a 50/50 scenario. If the child is young, it's generally mum who has given up her career in order to stay at home and raise the child, or find better working hours.

    When I split from ex there is no way in HELL I would have allowed DS to be forced into a 50/50 situation when I was at home raising him - why should he go into child care? Why should he have been separated from his mother with whom he was still breastfeeding?

    I do agree it's case by case, because as AppleIsleSMum mentioned some situations there are siblings involved, and as they get older what the child wants has to come into play (although sadly a lot would choose the more negligent parent because there wouldn't be as many rules applied).
    I should just add to this, that if a dad were a SAHD and the mother worked long/child-unfriendly hours, chances are that the children would stay with dad. Fact is, not many dads are SAHDs, or work their hours around school pickups and whatnot so it's just the way the cookie crumbles until more dads start taking on the majority of the parenting duties.

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    If DH and I split (unlikely), then realistically I don't think I'd be able to provide a suitable home for them financially, they would end up in DHs care full time with me having day visits maybe?

    My kids have 2 primary caregivers, us separating would be huge for them.

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    Let's hope that never, ever happens BlissedOut!!

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    It can be so messy. I truly feel that DS would be far, far more affected if DP (his 'step' dad - but we're not married) and I broke up. DP drops him to school, cares for him while he's sick, or if I need to go out. He guides him in learning right from wrong alongside me and takes a huge interest in his education. Yet DP has no legal rights that I know of.

    His biological father does, yet when we were together he was never around anyway. DS actually forgot who he was at one point because he worked late and left the house early (although I always suspected affairs).

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    Yes I'd stay in a loveless relationship if I was still able to co-exist with my ex, indefinetly yes. And if I had that much respect and communication within that relationship I'd damn well work from that for as long as it took. Become roomates if need be!

    In a perfect world...leaving the past in the past would be easy. But people are human and it's unrealistic to expect them to pretend 24/7.

    A few weeks ago I was sitting with my daughter in hospital....and my ex and his wife (the women who broke up our family) were sitting there too. Over the past 7 years we've become more and more able to be amicable with each other, but this was the first time anything like this happened where I was forced to be in the same room with both of them at the same time. I had to sit there and repeat in my head over and over again "I am gorgeous and amazing" in my husband's voice like a tape recording looping over and over again. I felt so so small - STILL after all these years he is still capable of making me feel like that just by being in his presence.

    After all that, when I got in the cars after hours of enduring this atmosphere and me repeating "I am gorgeous and amazing" for hours on end.....I burst into tears started shaking, and had to take deep breaths to settle myself down. In front of them, and my daughter I was a pillar of strength, inside it took all my power to keep that facade and to be forced to do that on an indefinete basis is too much to expect....even for my kids.

    One just can't be expect to keep up with this pretence. It's unbearable and unrealistic. One can argue that one should do it for the kid's sake and be grown up about it, and I agree and I tried....but it's not human to keep it up. It's impossible to keep it up without cracking. And eventually the cracks would show and the atmosphere would be so tense you'd be able to cut it with a knife and I think kids would be able to pick that up and as much as one could try to 'pretend' for the kids, I think it would be damaging for the kids. My kids are so much better off with my ex and I co-parenting from a distance.

    In theory all parent should all get along...in theory this should work.....in theory. But lots of things work....in theory. People are human and it's unrealistic to expect people to act like rebots, void of emotion and feelings.

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