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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I think 50/50 *could* work if:
    - both parents were mature and put their differences aside for the kid
    - parents lived near each other
    - parents communicated and come to an agreement re routine and boundaries
    - both parents were loving and went out of their way to make their child feel comfortable
    - child had own space in each home
    - school/daycare arrangements were consistent regardless who had custody
    - parents were openly friendly to each other in front of the child

    Unfortunately It sounds like the above would be rare in today's society.
    yeah... But this just makes me wonder why they separated in the first place!

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  3. #62
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I think 50/50 *could* work if:
    - both parents were mature and put their differences aside for the kid
    - parents lived near each other
    - parents communicated and come to an agreement re routine and boundaries
    - both parents were loving and went out of their way to make their child feel comfortable
    - child had own space in each home
    - school/daycare arrangements were consistent regardless who had custody
    - parents were openly friendly to each other in front of the child

    Unfortunately It sounds like the above would be rare in today's society.
    Yes this would be ideal. My parents never said a bad word to each other in front of us and never allowed anyone else to bad mouth the other in front of us either (despite my Dad acting like a total loser, so it was my Mum who was most amazing in this).

    I can't tell you how much I admire and respect both of them and especially mum for this. I think it could potentially have negatively impacted my relationship with Dad and after all, he left Mum, not me! I didn't even know he had cheated until I was 17!!

    Unfortunately this sort of restraint seems beyond most people I just think its a shame for the kids. It's so horrible to see your parents fighting and being mean to each other.

    You can still not want to be together but show this kind of restraint for the kids. Yes it would be really hard but so what? Part of being a good parent.

  4. #63
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post
    Precisely!
    I don't agree. VP's post didn't say anything about the parents having to actually like each other. Just that they remain open, communicative and at least appear friendly in front of the kids.

    Not too much to ask even in the most dire circumstances. Unfortunately even if one parent is willing and tries to do this, you need both to make it work.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    My ex and I are like that and let me tell you there are very good reasons why we separated! Being apart allows us to be good friends, deal with each other in a mature way and not have the day-to-day dramas that we used to have.

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    Hi all, I know of a situation where the week is split 50/50 (eg sun - tue with one parent and wed - sat with other and weekends shared. (one gets them sat avo for the night, then it swaps the following weekend. The parents live fairly close (10-15min ). The kids are young, pre and primary. Does it work? I have no idea, but after reading this, it doesn't seem likely.

  8. #66
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    Ana Gram is offline 2008 WINNER - straight shooter award
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    The ex and I were on good terms for a while. But that all changed when I moved. now dealing with him is exhausting and stressful.

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    At what age should a child's choice of main home have weight in the custody negotiations?

  10. #68
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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    At what age should a child's choice of main home have weight in the custody negotiations?
    I think from the age of 12 it holds weight in court.

  11. #69
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    The problem then though is that the other parent probably now has a new family. In my case I was fed up living with mum and step dad who fought constantly... I wanted to live with dad, but he had a wife and 3 kids, no room for me, a mere guest!

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    <sigh> it's such a difficult issue. I don't think there's one right answer. One size definitely does not fit all

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