Closed Thread
Page 6 of 42 FirstFirst ... 4567816 ... LastLast
Results 51 to 60 of 415
  1. #51
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Toowoomba
    Posts
    8,747
    Thanks
    2,851
    Thanked
    1,440
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Ky View Post
    Works for my sister, ex BIL and their kids.

    Mums place ... Monday and Wednesday nights
    Dad's place ... Tuesday and Thursday nights
    Alternate Friday, Saturday Sunday nights with alternate parents.

    They started the arrangement when my neice and nephew were 5 and 7 - they are now 14 and 16 and I have to say that they are two of the most secure, settled and happy teens that I have met in a very long time.

    My sister and ex BIL parent together. They agreed on how to parent, what boundaries etc were non negotiable and then just spent their lives loving their kids, just in seperate houses. The kids adapted very quickly and BIL went from a workaholic to a man that made sure he finished early on the days he had his kids. They have had quality time and care from both parents and both parents trust each other to always do the very best for their kids.

    There have been new partners etc, even a little brother (and little sister, sadly born sleeping *rest peacefully sweet Grace*), and through all of these changes, the other parent has been respectful and never caused strife or spoken ill of their ex or new partner. They have made their children a priorty and it has worked.
    I think it helps if you can be friends and trust the other parent. For those who can't I can't see positivity at all.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Deserama For This Useful Post:

    Ellewood  (14-12-2012),Stiflers Mom  (14-12-2012)

  3. #52
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    351
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked
    27
    Reviews
    0

    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ky View Post
    Works for my sister, ex BIL and their kids.

    Mums place ... Monday and Wednesday nights
    Dad's place ... Tuesday and Thursday nights
    Alternate Friday, Saturday Sunday nights with alternate parents.

    They started the arrangement when my neice and nephew were 5 and 7 - they are now 14 and 16 and I have to say that they are two of the most secure, settled and happy teens that I have met in a very long time.

    My sister and ex BIL parent together. They agreed on how to parent, what boundaries etc were non negotiable and then just spent their lives loving their kids, just in seperate houses. The kids adapted very quickly and BIL went from a workaholic to a man that made sure he finished early on the days he had his kids. They have had quality time and care from both parents and both parents trust each other to always do the very best for their kids.

    There have been new partners etc, even a little brother (and little sister, sadly born sleeping *rest peacefully sweet Grace*), and through all of these changes, the other parent has been respectful and never caused strife or spoken ill of their ex or new partner. They have made their children a priorty and it has worked.
    Wow that's awesome that it works for them! I'm glad it can work in the right situation and that they obviously work hard to keep their parenting styles similar and no one undermining the other. I do have one question though, do the kids have separate clothes etc at each parents house? Because I couldn't imagine having to pack a bag for every day - I hated doing it every week.

    With my parents it wasn't such a peaceful time. My dad always spoke down about my mum. My mum tried to be fair, but you could see the hate in her eyes when they saw each other. My parents were definitely around all the time, and we did lots of activities and things together. But I just never felt settled. I didn't feel like I had a home, there was mums house and dads house.

    I must admit though, my parents never let us get away with the "ask one parent if you can do something, and then when they say no, ask the other". They used to check with each other if they had said no.

  4. #53
    Ky's Avatar
    Ky is offline <--- Ruby, the most precious little red gem ever!
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Western Australia
    Posts
    3,039
    Thanks
    10
    Thanked
    53
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Yes, the kids have clothes at both houses and if they require something special, they take it with them. They have half of their school uniforms at Mum's and half at Dad's.

  5. #54
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    8,705
    Thanks
    581
    Thanked
    647
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    No, I don't think 50/50 is realistic. I don't even like the idea of every other weekend.

  6. #55
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    3,525
    Thanks
    1,890
    Thanked
    2,539
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by duckduckgoose View Post
    Friends of DH and I have shared care 50/50 of their DD who is 2. Personally while the parents seem happy with the arrangement I do think it is very unstable for their DD. There is absolutely no consistency in routine or discipline between the two parents - dad doesn't believe in routine and lets dd stay up till 1am sometimes, where mum is trying to stick to an early bedtime. Mum does time out, dad doesn't believe in any discipline. Dad was saying today he is toilet training but when I asked, apparently this isn't happening at mum's house. My DS is around the same age and I know something as simple as altering his nap routine can throw him out of whack and make him grumpy.

    I think kids thrive on consistency and knowing what to expect. I'm not sure how this works when they constantly being moved from one house/one parent to another.
    This, honest to god, breaks my heart. That poor child must be so confused. I think it's utterly selfish of the parents to do this (or the parent who fought tooth and nail for it).

    please note: I am coming from the viewpoint of young children. I think it can be more flexible for older children maybe 10+ or so (?) who can make somewhat informed decisions and have some control over their lives.
    Last edited by Ellewood; 14-12-2012 at 06:31.

  7. #56
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    8,806
    Thanks
    7,267
    Thanked
    9,720
    Reviews
    5
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    This, honest go god, breaks my heart. That poor child must be so confused. I think it's utterly selfish of the parents to do this (or the parent who fought tooth and nail for it).

    please note: I am coming from the viewpoint if young children. I think it can be more flexible for older children maybe 10+ or so (?) who can make somewhat informed decisions and have some control over their lives.
    I agree that that is a terrible example. The poor child.
    I really think for it o work there must be consistency and communication between parents. Tbh the situation described makes me wonder what it would hav been like had the parents stayed together!

  8. #57
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    8,806
    Thanks
    7,267
    Thanked
    9,720
    Reviews
    5
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by SimplyMum View Post
    I don't even like the idea of every other weekend.
    Really? Don't you think children have a right to have quality time with both parents?

  9. #58
    Ana Gram's Avatar
    Ana Gram is offline 2008 WINNER - straight shooter award
    Winner 2008 & 2009 - Community Minded thread
    Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most passionate member
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    18,597
    Thanks
    1,028
    Thanked
    3,125
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    I think it must be awful for older children to vocalise their choice when they are older as well. I imagine for some kids there would be an awful lot of guilt associated with that choice.

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Ana Gram For This Useful Post:

    Ellewood  (14-12-2012),peanutmonkey  (14-12-2012)

  11. #59
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week

    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    I think 50/50 *could* work if:
    - both parents were mature and put their differences aside for the kid
    - parents lived near each other
    - parents communicated and come to an agreement re routine and boundaries
    - both parents were loving and went out of their way to make their child feel comfortable
    - child had own space in each home
    - school/daycare arrangements were consistent regardless who had custody
    - parents were openly friendly to each other in front of the child

    Unfortunately It sounds like the above would be rare in today's society.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    shelle65  (14-12-2012)

  13. #60
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    6,095
    Thanks
    399
    Thanked
    747
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I think 50/50 shared care would work best if the children got to stay in the same house, and the parents took turns being in the house with the children. That way the children would have stability of their own space, an it would be the parents that were coming and going all the time.

    Unfortunately, that would require a lot of co-operation from the parents and would not be financially viable for many.


 
Closed Thread
Page 6 of 42 FirstFirst ... 4567816 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Adivse: RWH- shared care
    By madi83 in forum Seeking a Maternity Hospital
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-11-2012, 11:24
  2. Shared care and PHI
    By miniriz in forum Seeking a Maternity Hospital
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 27-09-2012, 14:58
  3. Shared care and PHI
    By miniriz in forum Seeking a Maternity Hospital
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 27-09-2012, 14:42

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Springfree Trampoline
Give the Ultimate Christmas Gift Springfree Trampoline
The World's Safest Trampoline™ is now also the world's first Smart Trampoline™. Sensors on the mat detect your every move and your jumps control fun, educational and active games on tablet. Secure the Ultimate Christmas Gift today!
sales & new stuffsee all
CarmelsBeautySecrets
Growing your own natural nails is easy. Years ago, I devised a simple and very effective technique which really helps boosts the nails' growth in as little as three days! And most importantly keeps them that way.
featured supporter
Ro and Co
Ro and Co kids cooking classes and parties are a fantastic way for children to experiment with food. The classes and parties are designed to be both educational and fun, giving your child the skills they need to be confident and creative in the kitchen.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!