With my parents it wasn't such a peaceful time. My dad always spoke down about my mum. My mum tried to be fair, but you could see the hate in her eyes when they saw each other. My parents were definitely around all the time, and we did lots of activities and things together. But I just never felt settled. I didn't feel like I had a home, there was mums house and dads house.
I must admit though, my parents never let us get away with the "ask one parent if you can do something, and then when they say no, ask the other". They used to check with each other if they had said no.
Yes, the kids have clothes at both houses and if they require something special, they take it with them. They have half of their school uniforms at Mum's and half at Dad's.
No, I don't think 50/50 is realistic. I don't even like the idea of every other weekend.
please note: I am coming from the viewpoint of young children. I think it can be more flexible for older children maybe 10+ or so (?) who can make somewhat informed decisions and have some control over their lives.
Last edited by Ellewood; 14-12-2012 at 06:31.
I think it must be awful for older children to vocalise their choice when they are older as well. I imagine for some kids there would be an awful lot of guilt associated with that choice.
I think 50/50 *could* work if:
- both parents were mature and put their differences aside for the kid
- parents lived near each other
- parents communicated and come to an agreement re routine and boundaries
- both parents were loving and went out of their way to make their child feel comfortable
- child had own space in each home
- school/daycare arrangements were consistent regardless who had custody
- parents were openly friendly to each other in front of the child
Unfortunately It sounds like the above would be rare in today's society.
I think 50/50 shared care would work best if the children got to stay in the same house, and the parents took turns being in the house with the children. That way the children would have stability of their own space, an it would be the parents that were coming and going all the time.
Unfortunately, that would require a lot of co-operation from the parents and would not be financially viable for many.
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