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  1. #401
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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    I don't know? Shorter hours that week, alternate after schoolcare that week. I really don't know
    That would be a reeeeally flexible workplace! I guess that would come back to the thread title- "is it realistic?".

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    You can't pay for child care one week and not the other and I can't imagine what workplace would go wit that

    Anyway research has shown alternating weeks isn't good for younger children

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    There isn't an equal amount because in many ways society is still in the dark ages.

    Unless there is a young baby breastfeeding then there is no physical reason why the mum needs to stay home and look after the kids. If the mum does, changes all the nappies etc then that's a rod she's made for herself.

    When parents split there are going to be changes. If a dad, previously with a SAHM, is prepared to step up, manage their work hours and share care ....then unless there is a young breastfed baby involved he should be allowed to. There is no reason why a dad can't care for a child just as good as a mum (even if she was a previous SAHM).
    Childcare is not a fit everyone thing! I have a child who has just been pulled from childcare because he does not cope there. He has been attending for 1-2 days a week since 18 months old and with latest move into bigger room, he sits in the corner and cries or has multiple meltdowns. He will need to be cared for one on one. I have always changed his nappies, even when I was with my ex. Guess what?! Ex would refuse to change him and just leave him sitting in excrement. Would you like to be left like that? Should I have made my son suffer (very sensitive skin) simply because his father is a lazy prick?! My ex cannot care for our child as well as I can and it doesn't come down to genitals. It's simply because I have always been very involved in his life, therapies, etc. ex refuses to have much to do with his child to the point where child does not recognise him.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    That would be a reeeeally flexible workplace! I guess that would come back to the thread title- "is it realistic?".
    I work casual so I'm able to work different hrs week to week, if that makes sense. I've also used family day care which gave me flexibility in CC. There is in certain personal situations where family can be relied upon to help out with after school care.

    Obviously no situation is the same, but I think ALOT of situations could work if both parents were on board & actually wanted to give it a go.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Stiflers Mom View Post
    I think all I needed to see in your situation was what the kids wanted. I don't agree with 50/50 shared care unless the (older) child wants to try it. Are there court orders in place to stop a trial of it at least?
    There is no way without court orders that BM would allow this. On our recent lawyers advice we were told don't bother taking it to court as until said child is fair bit older he doesn't get much say.

    I actually think we need a new lawyer but in all fairness i don't think it's in best interests of the child to be dragged thru court & basically be told choose between your parents & tell them your decision. In this case 50/50 would be best as then there is no choosing between mum & dad.

  8. #406
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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    I work casual so I'm able to work different hrs week to week, if that makes sense. I've also used family day care which gave me flexibility in CC. There is in certain personal situations where family can be relied upon to help out with after school care.

    Obviously no situation is the same, but I think ALOT of situations could work if both parents were on board & actually wanted to give it a go.
    I have a casual job too, but the nature of casual jobs is that they give you what they have; some weeks you might have the perfect amount of shifts on days you want, but then the next week they might not give you any/many.
    You keep saying that you think 50/50 has great benefits for all involved, including the children, but out of curiosity, what are these benefits in your opinion? Specifically the ones relating to the children?

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    Default Re: 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Obviously this will always be an emotional issue and everyone has very strong opinions based on their own life experience - so there will never be a conclusive answer to this debate.

    From my perspective, the single mothers I know, whether working or not, do appear to rely too much on the CS they receive from the ex as a source of income. Yes, it goes towards expenses like food and rent which benefit the child, but the sooner you find a way to support yourself and your child without it, the better - because it does have an expiry date when your child becomes an adult and needs to take responsibility for themselves financially. If you haven't worked for all that time, you are still going to have to find a way of supporting yourself - and you won't be very employable if your greatest skill is "loving your child".

    My DH has a private arrangement with his ex in regards to child support, which works well for both parties. He pays less than what the original CSA assessment recommended, but does not claim any of the payments he is entitled to whilst the kids are in our care, which would effectively decrease hers - so she ends up with more cash in hand. It was not a joint decision for her to be a SAHM when they were still together - she simply didn't want to work, and that hasn't changed.

    What I object to is the attitude of not seeking work (or simply more of it) because it would affect her Centrelink payments! I work full time, and she earns nearly as much as I do with all the different payments she claims, and yet she complains to our friends about how poor she is! So yeah, I resent the fact that my taxes fund her poor work ethic and others like her.

    The kids are teenagers, the younger is more than capable of being home alone after school, and she receives funding from the DSC for the eldest with a disability, so she wouldn't even need to pay for care if she was working outside of school hours. And my thoughts aren't just about not liking DH's ex for many reasons - I don't agree with my own sister's excuse that they would only be $20 a week better off if she went back to work - it's still better than living off benefits! Kids who are exposed to childcare cope much better socially than those who are kept around mummy until the day they go to school (that's my professional opinion as a teacher).

    Welfare is supposed to keep you sheltered and fed - not support a stay at home lifestyle. Even securing some regular part time work sends a positive message to your kids about self sufficiency and not constantly relying on others. Working parents still have the same houses to clean, laundry to do, appointments and school events to attend - SAHM the toughest job in the world? I think not.

    I know some will come back at me with all the reasons under the sun to justify why they don't support themselves, but I don't need justification - someone can still be a good parent regardless of their employment status - it's your choice, but remember, my choice to be a working parent is just as valid.

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  11. #408
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by ItWasntMe View Post
    Childcare is not a fit everyone thing! I have a child who has just been pulled from childcare because he does not cope there. He has been attending for 1-2 days a week since 18 months old and with latest move into bigger room, he sits in the corner and cries or has multiple meltdowns. He will need to be cared for one on one. I have always changed his nappies, even when I was with my ex. Guess what?! Ex would refuse to change him and just leave him sitting in excrement. Would you like to be left like that? Should I have made my son suffer (very sensitive skin) simply because his father is a lazy prick?! My ex cannot care for our child as well as I can and it doesn't come down to genitals. It's simply because I have always been very involved in his life, therapies, etc. ex refuses to have much to do with his child to the point where child does not recognise him.
    I don't disagree with what you're saying. My views on shared 50-50 custody only apply where both parents are fit, responsible and willing and able to follow through.

  12. #409
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Arlais View Post
    Obviously this will always be an emotional issue and everyone has very strong opinions based on their own life experience - so there will never be a conclusive answer to this debate.

    From my perspective, the single mothers I know, whether working or not, do appear to rely too much on the CS they receive from the ex as a source of income. Yes, it goes towards expenses like food and rent which benefit the child, but the sooner you find a way to support yourself and your child without it, the better - because it does have an expiry date when your child becomes an adult and needs to take responsibility for themselves financially. If you haven't worked for all that time, you are still going to have to find a way of supporting yourself - and you won't be very employable if your greatest skill is "loving your child".

    My DH has a private arrangement with his ex in regards to child support, which works well for both parties. He pays less than what the original CSA assessment recommended, but does not claim any of the payments he is entitled to whilst the kids are in our care, which would effectively decrease hers - so she ends up with more cash in hand. It was not a joint decision for her to be a SAHM when they were still together - she simply didn't want to work, and that hasn't changed.

    What I object to is the attitude of not seeking work (or simply more of it) because it would affect her Centrelink payments! I work full time, and she earns nearly as much as I do with all the different payments she claims, and yet she complains to our friends about how poor she is! So yeah, I resent the fact that my taxes fund her poor work ethic and others like her.

    The kids are teenagers, the younger is more than capable of being home alone after school, and she receives funding from the DSC for the eldest with a disability, so she wouldn't even need to pay for care if she was working outside of school hours. And my thoughts aren't just about not liking DH's ex for many reasons - I don't agree with my own sister's excuse that they would only be $20 a week better off if she went back to work - it's still better than living off benefits! Kids who are exposed to childcare cope much better socially than those who are kept around mummy until the day they go to school (that's my professional opinion as a teacher).

    Welfare is supposed to keep you sheltered and fed - not support a stay at home lifestyle. Even securing some regular part time work sends a positive message to your kids about self sufficiency and not constantly relying on others. Working parents still have the same houses to clean, laundry to do, appointments and school events to attend - SAHM the toughest job in the world? I think not.

    I know some will come back at me with all the reasons under the sun to justify why they don't support themselves, but I don't need justification - someone can still be a good parent regardless of their employment status - it's your choice, but remember, my choice to be a working parent is just as valid.
    Great post and I agree with you.

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  14. #410
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    I hate the single mother=low income=centrelink receipient that goes on here. There's a lot of middle class single mothers out there earning high salaries. I'm a single mother and I make $100k plus. And know a lot of others the same - please can we stop the generalizations.

    i have shared care - I have her 364 days a year and he has her one (some years up to 3).
    Last edited by beancounter; 16-12-2012 at 14:15.

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