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  1. #331
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I totally agree. It just so happens that in the majority of cases mum is the primary carer. I was certain everyone knew this do people really think there are an equal amount of sahds to sahms?
    There isn't an equal amount because in many ways society is still in the dark ages.

    Unless there is a young baby breastfeeding then there is no physical reason why the mum needs to stay home and look after the kids. If the mum does, changes all the nappies etc then that's a rod she's made for herself.

    When parents split there are going to be changes. If a dad, previously with a SAHM, is prepared to step up, manage their work hours and share care ....then unless there is a young breastfed baby involved he should be allowed to. There is no reason why a dad can't care for a child just as good as a mum (even if she was a previous SAHM).

  2. #332
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    Lovemyfam seeing as you also do all the care within the home as you've said your partner does no housework etc your situation may be different - also of course I don't think most of your kids are biologically his?

    But certainly it's not about what is fair for parents - when we are talking about small children there is ample research to show they are best off with their primary carer. Or they can develop lifelong attachment disorders.

    Surely you would want to prioritise the healthy development of an infant over what you consider your 'rights' to a child?
    No only 1 is his biological child but they are all his in a sense as he really is the only dad they have ever rally known from a young age and for my 6 year old he is the only male that has been in her life at all. He does want to stay in the kids life if we ever split and wants to have them and the baby the same amount of time etc. We have discussed this and I think 50/50 would work for us he is a great dad and care for the children well. Knows them, what they like what they don't like, how to handle my Autistic son etc. There is no reason we cant do 50/50 but I don't hold onto resentment for my ex's I don't care what they do as long as it isn't harming my children. He could run out and sleep with 50 prostitutes or live a double life with another woman and have kids with her we would break up and that's it. I wouldn't be rude or nasty to him when he came over I wouldn't try to prevent him from seeing the kids I think a lot of people hold on to anger and the kids suffer.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ana Gram View Post
    I cannot even begin to tell you how over study I am lol I've almost clicked over 3 years of continuous study. Trying to remember this is the last Xmas I have to study over and that next year, I can actually relax and have a nice holiday with DD. But i have an assignment due on Xmas eve so it is a bit hard to see at the moment!
    Yeah when I did my degree I was so glad when it was over. It feels really good to look back and say damn I did it. I dont know about you but there were times I thought I was never going to make it

  3. #333
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    No, but normally these men keep working. Which means the child spends 5 days a week in care anyway. Now that is not a dig at CC, lots of people use it for lots of reasons. but it would seem strange to me, that hypothetically children aged 2 and 3, who have mum at home would have 50/50 care to spend alot of the time with their father in CC anyway? surely it would be better for the child to stay in one house, and have lots of access with dad, rather than being shunted back and forth and spending time in CC when their previously primary carer is at home?
    That I get, but the reality is that many a non single mother works. Does a woman get the expected right to not work just coz she's a single mum.

    I have to be honest I get ****ed that single mothers also assume its their god given right to only work jobs that are school hours. That is a luxury & ALOT of good luck for the majority of women.

    Please keep in mind that not only am I female but I've been a single mother & now part of a blended family. I'm coming from an unbiased place but obviously have some strong opinions

  4. #334
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    Default Re: 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    Truthfully & I'll be crucified for this but she uses people ( friends & family ) for what she can get out of them, ****s on them ends up in a physical fight with them & then moves on to the next lot of people she can freeload off.

    She moves around a fair bit, the original agreement was she moved back this way when the kids go to school but they're at school now so it won't happen.

    To be clear she's a bad example, I've not come across another mother like her. From what I've seen on here there are ALOT of mothers who want what's best for their kids, I'm merely making the point that society in general believes kids should be with their MOTHER regardless & that this belief can & is to the detriment of plenty of children.

    In plenty of split families 50/50 care could & would be a benefit to the children
    Thanks for explaining further. You said they went to court? What did the court rule for their situation? Is she going against this?

  5. #335
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    No, but normally these men keep working. Which means the child spends 5 days a week in care anyway. Now that is not a dig at CC, lots of people use it for lots of reasons. but it would seem strange to me, that hypothetically children aged 2 and 3, who have mum at home would have 50/50 care to spend alot of the time with their father in CC anyway? surely it would be better for the child to stay in one house, and have lots of access with dad, rather than being shunted back and forth and spending time in CC when their previously primary carer is at home?
    The other option that could work is mom watches the kids during the day on dads week and dad picks them up for the night. Then they are cared for by mom during the day and dad doesn't lose any time with them because they would have been in daycare anyway. This would be the option for me although I would still like the baby to go to daycare a day or two a week since I have seen the day care centers here are so much better than what they were in the US

  6. #336
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Vic park, because women take time off work as they have a biological role in reproduction ie pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, they are disadvantaged in the work place - women nearly always earn less fhan their partners.

    A huge amount of families want the woman to stay home because child care fees make it not worthwhile her working and some see a benefit to it.

    It's not fair to blame women for having a greater role in childcare and say they have made a rod for their own back?

    It's a direct consequence of our society.

  7. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Chew the Mintie For This Useful Post:

    HappyBovinexx  (16-12-2012),ItWasntMe  (16-12-2012),shelle65  (16-12-2012),Stiflers Mom  (16-12-2012)

  8. #337
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    I am out of this conversation. It is just too upsetting. I cannot support the idea that children should be taken from their stay at home mother or mother who does majority care, for the sake of 50/50 care. Taken from everything they have ever known, at a time when they may already be hurting by the separation. Sorry, but that is cruel, callous and makes no sense. It is a pro-father, but anti-child ideal at best.

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  10. #338
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Lovemyfam that is the most ridiculous idea ever.

  11. #339
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Unfortunately this entire thread is illogical and blinkered benji, but I don't think it's representative of how most people see things

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  13. #340
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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    That I get, but the reality is that many a non single mother works. Does a woman get the expected right to not work just coz she's a single mum.

    I have to be honest I get ****ed that single mothers also assume its their god given right to only work jobs that are school hours. That is a luxury & ALOT of good luck for the majority of women.

    Please keep in mind that not only am I female but I've been a single mother & now part of a blended family. I'm coming from an unbiased place but obviously have some strong opinions
    There are single moms that work. I know I did when I was single and I know a bunch here do too but I think the government encourages the non working. Letting people stay home for 8 years I would assume a lot of them are going to just sit but there are some like ANA Gram that do make the best of it and the government really needs to force those that wont do it on their own to get an education or work during that time. Maybe give less money if they wont and giving special payments to those studying to cover books, transport, internet (if they study online that can really help) those that work give extra payments to cover clothing, gas stuff like that.


 

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