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    Ana Gram's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    Thats awesome, congrats bet your so ready to be done with school and all that studying.
    I cannot even begin to tell you how over study I am lol I've almost clicked over 3 years of continuous study. Trying to remember this is the last Xmas I have to study over and that next year, I can actually relax and have a nice holiday with DD. But i have an assignment due on Xmas eve so it is a bit hard to see at the moment!

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    A couple of days a week childcare is great for kids.
    I think that is a pretty broad statement. DD has had a fairly rotten time of it in after hours care, unfortunately not every child is suited to it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post

    If a father was home from birth, did all the night feeds, changed their bums etc then I would say he would be better with the main care...
    I totally agree. It just so happens that in the majority of cases mum is the primary carer. I was certain everyone knew this do people really think there are an equal amount of sahds to sahms?

    Funnily enough, one of my friends is a male and has a DS the same age as mine. He has full custody. The boy's mother sees him a few times a month supervised. The reason he has full custody is because he did the majority care anyway, because his ex is unwell with mental health and drug issues. He did all of the dropping off to school, packing lunches, bathing at the end of the day, ensuring he had dinner and went to bed at a reasonable hour. The court has basically said the boy's mum will never have custody. I support him.

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    Stiflers Mom  (16-12-2012)

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    It's not just about physical care. It's things like immunisations, swimming lessons, speech therapists, knowing what food they like and is good for them, etc etc... All those things that are in 'mum' domain very often.

    Personally... I think that the fact that the majority of childcare falls on women often disadvantages them particularly economically, but also emotionally (never getting a break, emotional exhaustion etc). I think it would be great if things were more even especially after the earliest years of a child's life.

    I feel that as things now stand women are typically responsible for both day to day care and organisation of a child's life and is unfair to deny that in the case of a relationship breakdown.

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    HappyBovinexx  (16-12-2012)

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Stiflers Mom View Post
    What reasons does she have for living where she does? I know you say its to keep a distance from her ex, but could there be other reasons? Does she have a partner there? It seems strange for her to make her situation harder for herself solely to spite her ex. There has to be more to it.
    Truthfully & I'll be crucified for this but she uses people ( friends & family ) for what she can get out of them, ****s on them ends up in a physical fight with them & then moves on to the next lot of people she can freeload off.

    She moves around a fair bit, the original agreement was she moved back this way when the kids go to school but they're at school now so it won't happen.

    To be clear she's a bad example, I've not come across another mother like her. From what I've seen on here there are ALOT of mothers who want what's best for their kids, I'm merely making the point that society in general believes kids should be with their MOTHER regardless & that this belief can & is to the detriment of plenty of children.

    In plenty of split families 50/50 care could & would be a benefit to the children

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    Lovemyfam  (16-12-2012)

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Good points. I'm coming from an environment where FOB Takes 50% responsibility without being asked to . Not meaning to have a go at other women (things change) but a man who shirked his share of responsibilty wouldn't get through my front door let alone in my pants.

    I don't think what you come accross in a legal system or on an Internet forum is representative and is enough to tarnish the majority of men. People that need legal help are already in trouble and people on forums are either bored or in trouble and need extra support.

    So I still think its a generalization but great point about deadbeat parents being a key reason relationships split in the first place.
    My husband doesn't shirk his responsibilities at all, but 50/50care would definitely not be in our children's best interest if we split. Nor does he do 50/50 of the parenting because I work part-time and he works 6 days. He helps in the evenings when he's home with bath/bed etc. and he takes the kids out or minds then while I go to the movies, but 50/50 would not work for us. His work hours are unrealistic for childcare for one. He has limited family to help as he is from overseas.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    A couple of days a week childcare is great for kids. Unfortunately when you split with someone the luxury of being a SAHM is on someone else's dime and that's not fair.
    Agree 110%.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    A couple of days a week childcare is great for kids. Unfortunately when you split with someone the luxury of being a SAHM is on someone else's dime and that's not fair.
    Even a young, breastfed baby? The majority of single mums work, but try to find school friendly hours. I'm not sure I could say the same for dads, which is why it's not fair to dump them in long child care when they have a parent willing and able to be there for them.

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    Stiflers Mom  (16-12-2012)

  13. #329
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    It's not just about physical care. It's things like immunisations, swimming lessons, speech therapists, knowing what food they like and is good for them, etc etc... All those things that are in 'mum' domain very often.

    Personally... I think that the fact that the majority of childcare falls on women often disadvantages them particularly economically, but also emotionally (never getting a break, emotional exhaustion etc). I think it would be great if things were more even especially after the earliest years of a child's life.

    I feel that as things now stand women are typically responsible for both day to day care and organisation of a child's life and is unfair to deny that in the case of a relationship breakdown.
    I am all for more equality between the sexes when it comes to parenting. I believe it is actually those promoting the "women's work" who make it harder for fathers to be sahds or do their share of parenting, then a lot are confused when mum "takes" the children lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    How a family is run when bio parents are together will obviously need to be reassessed when 2 people split up. A man shouldn't be penalized after a seperation because when they were together he worked & she stayed home!!!
    No, but normally these men keep working. Which means the child spends 5 days a week in care anyway. Now that is not a dig at CC, lots of people use it for lots of reasons. but it would seem strange to me, that hypothetically children aged 2 and 3, who have mum at home would have 50/50 care to spend alot of the time with their father in CC anyway? surely it would be better for the child to stay in one house, and have lots of access with dad, rather than being shunted back and forth and spending time in CC when their previously primary carer is at home?
    Last edited by delirium; 16-12-2012 at 11:06.


 

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