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  1. #311
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cheerilee View Post
    So your DH himself could not actually do 50-50 care of his children? The only reason he could is because you are able to assist?
    Well actual time would not be different for him as kids are in school & after school care. His actual physical time with them would be the same if not more than bio mum.
    Kids wouldn't need after school care, mum would have less stress & more opportunity to work & less expenses.

    As is we currently have kids ALL school holidays INCLUDING every Xmas as per her requests😱😱😱

  2. #312
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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    My point I'm trying to make is the whole I have no $$ or I have no $$ because I'm studying or no $$ because I can't work ALOT or I have CC expenses. Some of these stumbling blocks could be helped if 2 parents who lived close enough could share 50/50 care.

    I'm all for people bettering themselves however some people expect everyone to be at their beck & call in order to help them achieve their goals.

    How a family is run when bio parents are together will obviously need to be reassessed when 2 people split up. A man shouldn't be penalized after a seperation because when they were together he worked & she stayed home!!!

    Does that make sense at all?

    Mediation wasn't very successful, however it is pretty much as good as its going to get now. Not likely to EVER be 50/50 but enough atm for DH to maintain a relationship with his kids. However I worry that like I've heard on this forum from adults that were in this situation that DH kids will grow up to feel they were merely visitors here������
    It makes sense to me.

    From what I have read from some here in my situation since I work I then become the parent who cant take care of the kids properly since I am working so all the kids go with my husband by default and he should be able to move where he wants when he wants (for support or new jobs or whatever) and if I want to be a good mother I let him do that and follow him around. I should consider myself lucky if he lets me see the kids every other weekend and then I will be a good parent because since he is raising the kids while I work to provide for them he is the more worthy parent. Glad I learned all this.
    Last edited by Lovemyfam; 16-12-2012 at 10:42.

  3. #313
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberleygal1 View Post
    I also like how sahm's complain re the lack of time the fathers weren't around during the relationship. No they may not have been because they were out working providing for you and the child/children.
    So why would they suddenly have half of a week off to care for children? It doesn't work. Why should a sahm suddenly have to hand her children over for half a week, to be put in child care while dad works, her forced to work (because she wouldn't be entitled to PPS). How is that fair on the children? To go from spending the vast majority of mum to being handed around like puppies for the sake of 50% care? It's not fair on anybody, most of all the children.

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  5. #314
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    It's not a generalisation - working in a legal centre men would always ring up complaining about child support and then want to increase custody when they realised it would reduce their cs calculation. I can't remember seeing research on this, but certainly anecdotally it's a common refrain.

    Typically, men and women have different levels of involvement with small children in our society especially in conflicted relationships. There are many exceptions. But you only have to cast your eye over this forum to appreciate that this is true. It's not rational to deny it.

    Very often a contributing factor to a breakup is the fathers lack of commitment or involvement to his children and indeed an involved committed father is highly associated with a relationship surviving. So *especislly* in cases of relationship breakdown, you can find a father not interested in undertaking any serious level of care for his child.

    I definitely don't say this is always the case. But I think people need to look past their own situations and take a broader look at the realities.
    Good points. I'm coming from an environment where FOB Takes 50% responsibility without being asked to . Not meaning to have a go at other women (things change) but a man who shirked his share of responsibilty wouldn't get through my front door let alone in my pants.

    I don't think what you come accross in a legal system or on an Internet forum is representative and is enough to tarnish the majority of men. People that need legal help are already in trouble and people on forums are either bored or in trouble and need extra support.

    So I still think its a generalization but great point about deadbeat parents being a key reason relationships split in the first place.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Lovemyfam seeing as you also do all the care within the home as you've said your partner does no housework etc your situation may be different - also of course I don't think most of your kids are biologically his?

    But certainly it's not about what is fair for parents - when we are talking about small children there is ample research to show they are best off with their primary carer. Or they can develop lifelong attachment disorders.

    Surely you would want to prioritise the healthy development of an infant over what you consider your 'rights' to a child?

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  8. #316
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    Default Re: 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    My point I'm trying to make is the whole I have no $$ or I have no $$ because I'm studying or no $$ because I can't work ALOT or I have CC expenses. Some of these stumbling blocks could be helped if 2 parents who lived close enough could share 50/50 care.

    I'm all for people bettering themselves however some people expect everyone to be at their beck & call in order to help them achieve their goals.

    How a family is run when bio parents are together will obviously need to be reassessed when 2 people split up. A man shouldn't be penalized after a seperation because when they were together he worked & she stayed home!!!

    Does that make sense at all?

    Mediation wasn't very successful, however it is pretty much as good as its going to get now. Not likely to EVER be 50/50 but enough atm for DH to maintain a relationship with his kids. However I worry that like I've heard on this forum from adults that were in this situation that DH kids will grow up to feel they were merely visitors here😰
    What reasons does she have for living where she does? I know you say its to keep a distance from her ex, but could there be other reasons? Does she have a partner there? It seems strange for her to make her situation harder for herself solely to spite her ex. There has to be more to it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post

    Finances aren't everything, most of the posts earlier in this thread were concerns about the emotional and psychological impacts of 50/50 care. Money is the least of a child's worries.
    Precisely. How did money/CS come into this? I'm shaking my head here. I would never subject my son to any type of situation that might threaten his welfare, over money!!

    Whenever a thread like this becomes about money I always think there's a scorned male or two in the thread.

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  11. #318
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberleygal1 View Post
    I agree. It seems to me that the fathers rights don't seem as important just by some of the comments of this thread. And its obvious some mothers aren't easy to deal with and make it harder for the fathers to be involved rather than work.
    I also like how sahm's complain re the lack of time the fathers weren't around during the relationship. No they may not have been because they were out working providing for you and the child/children.
    Exactly my point as this was a decision made by 2 people when they were together. It's not fair for it to be thrown in either parents face once they split. For example if a man said your a bad mum now as you've gone from being SAHM to working full time.

    For example when DH was with his ex he worked away & weekends. When we became serious we talked about this amongst other things & I told him I didn't think this was ideal for our family situation ( at this time his kids were 6 hrs away )

    At this time we also decided I would for the most part work days, not nights or weekends ( previously I did a variety of shifts )

  12. #319
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    So why would they suddenly have half of a week off to care for children? It doesn't work. Why should a sahm suddenly have to hand her children over for half a week, to be put in child care while dad works, her forced to work (because she wouldn't be entitled to PPS). How is that fair on the children? To go from spending the vast majority of mum to being handed around like puppies for the sake of 50% care? It's not fair on anybody, most of all the children.
    A couple of days a week childcare is great for kids. Unfortunately when you split with someone the luxury of being a SAHM is on someone else's dime and that's not fair.

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  14. #320
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    Precisely. How did money/CS come into this? I'm shaking my head here. I would never subject my son to any type of situation that might threaten his welfare, over money!!

    Whenever a thread like this becomes about money I always think there's a scorned male or two in the thread.
    Before anyone suggests it, for the 50,000 time I do NOT have a penis

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