A woman I know, when she split with her partner, moved 3 hours away to be close to her family. Then she decided to move back to where the dad lives. That lasted 6 months until she decided to move 5 hours away to where her family moved to. That lasted a year until she whinged the dad wasn't helping enough (derr!) and now the kids live with their dad full time....5 hours away from her.
The mum was selfish in moving them around so much and every move was based on her best interests not he kids. The kids had 4 schools in 2 years. I just wish the dad grew some
Balls and stood up to her earlier. They both were bad parents IMO.
Typically, men and women have different levels of involvement with small children in our society especially in conflicted relationships. There are many exceptions. But you only have to cast your eye over this forum to appreciate that this is true. It's not rational to deny it.
Very often a contributing factor to a breakup is the fathers lack of commitment or involvement to his children and indeed an involved committed father is highly associated with a relationship surviving. So *especislly* in cases of relationship breakdown, you can find a father not interested in undertaking any serious level of care for his child.
I definitely don't say this is always the case. But I think people need to look past their own situations and take a broader look at the realities.
i kniw when i split with ex i was heartbroken that the first thing he did was travel to the country to his parent's house and called me blind drunk every night and deliberately did not see DS for 6 weeks until *I* requested he do so because DS had forgotten who he was. We eventually established that ex would have him every monday so I could work that day. 90% of the time he didn't show up, leaving me with nobody to care for DS and me $150 shorter each week, which was a lot of money to me at that time.
He still avoids responsibility for DS at all costs, it was only when he repartnered he started seeing him, but of course this meant she was looking after him and it was a guise to pretend he was a great dad because it did stop again.
I have given up caring now, and have to live with the fact he has given up his title of dad and handed it to my DP who is responsible for him financially, emotionally and in every other way. He sees him on his birthday and xmas, sometimes easter. Actually last year he didn't call fornhis birthday. And yep he plays the victim with the "she took him". Of course I bloody took him, he had never changed a nappy and he was a breastfed baby FFS.
I also like how sahm's complain re the lack of time the fathers weren't around during the relationship. No they may not have been because they were out working providing for you and the child/children.
I'm all for people bettering themselves however some people expect everyone to be at their beck & call in order to help them achieve their goals.
How a family is run when bio parents are together will obviously need to be reassessed when 2 people split up. A man shouldn't be penalized after a seperation because when they were together he worked & she stayed home!!!
Does that make sense at all?
Mediation wasn't very successful, however it is pretty much as good as its going to get now. Not likely to EVER be 50/50 but enough atm for DH to maintain a relationship with his kids. However I worry that like I've heard on this forum from adults that were in this situation that DH kids will grow up to feel they were merely visitors here😰
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