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  1. #301
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Agree 100%



    Where did you get that from?? I said most primary carers are women, brady said that that can be reassessed on good terms. My point is that reassessing in a nice way doesn't change that mum has raised them from birth and has handled all their day to day care.

    I'm not saying woman should automatically get custody bc they are women. But bc they are normally the primary carer. You husband is the primary carer so if you every broke up the court may well award his full custody bc he was at home with the kids.

    If a father was home from birth, did all the night feeds, changed their bums etc then I would say he would be better with the main care...
    I misunderstood this then I read it like that
    But a happy family doesn't = dad being in a primary care role.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    Well said & I agree 100%
    Why should a man ( because truth is majority of women assume the kids are theirs to keep ) spend the next however many years til his child/ren is 18 at the mercy of the custodial parent.
    Moving to follow his kids around because of the many excuses given by an ex as to why it's in the best interests of said children.

    If 50/50 care was the scenario mum will be able go work 2 jobs in her week without children if that's what she needed to do.

    Truth is my experience with women is that they will do what's in their own best interests, what makes their life easier. And yep I am a woman who has such a mindset.

    There are many crappy dads. When I first split with my ex he insisted on our 3 kids every weekday 4-8 & all weekend every weekend ( so I basically never seen my children )
    What I did was work 2 sometimes 3 jobs.
    Over the last 3 yrs on his own my ex now only sees his kids every 2nd weekend because in his words he's not my free babysitter😡

    But then on the other hand my DH ex has moved twice, both times to areas with less job, house, education opportunities and being that she does not drive he has to drive hours to see his kids. Every second weekend it's 2 hrs to pick them up & 2 hours to drop them home to her. She told him to just give up & don't bother seeing them. So when she decided to move another 6 hrs away just because she'd ****ed off her support system I told him no, those kids are part of our family. So off to court we went, she cannot move any further away BUT it's still 2 hrs away.
    She complains constantly about having no $$, well here's a thought move back down here where your kids were born & raised, where you can rent for at least the same as you pay now & share your kids 50/50 with their dad. Frees her up to work more & saves them spending so much time traveling.

    I detest all men being painted as ****ty dads because they aren't all the same!!!
    Good on your hubby for standing his ground to protect his kids and taking the matter to court.

    A woman I know, when she split with her partner, moved 3 hours away to be close to her family. Then she decided to move back to where the dad lives. That lasted 6 months until she decided to move 5 hours away to where her family moved to. That lasted a year until she whinged the dad wasn't helping enough (derr!) and now the kids live with their dad full time....5 hours away from her.

    The mum was selfish in moving them around so much and every move was based on her best interests not he kids. The kids had 4 schools in 2 years. I just wish the dad grew some
    Balls and stood up to her earlier. They both were bad parents IMO.

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    Default Re: 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    I worked it out as a worst case scenario for her while we were going thru the court system. Just because I didn't give birth to those kids doesn't mean I'd be happy for them to live in poverty.

    As with all these threads the $$ aspect always becomes a focus & truth is it does impact greatly on the welfare of a child.
    I grew up poor in a single parent family, with no financial support from the non-custodial parent. I had a great upbringing, which only got stable and secure after the split.

    Good parents are good parents.

  4. #304
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    and in relation to the custodial parent studying - this almost perplexes me... people study to further their lives, to earn more income to support the kids. How can that be bad? CS isn't paying for the mum to study, CS pays to cover a small percentage of raising the child.
    That's exactly right. I am nearly at the end of my degree and will be able to start looking for work in the coming year. The hard slog of study means that I will be able to be off welfare long term and in the long run, that is what is best for DD.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ana Gram View Post
    That's exactly right. I am nearly at the end of my degree and will be able to start looking for work in the coming year. The hard slog of study means that I will be able to be off welfare long term and in the long run, that is what is best for DD.
    Thats awesome, congrats bet your so ready to be done with school and all that studying.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    That's a rather unfair generalization. It's like saying women only want more than 50-50 so they get extra child support.

    Women are good and bad just like men.

    I'd like to think the majority of men who go for 50-50 care about their kids.
    It's not a generalisation - working in a legal centre men would always ring up complaining about child support and then want to increase custody when they realised it would reduce their cs calculation. I can't remember seeing research on this, but certainly anecdotally it's a common refrain.

    Typically, men and women have different levels of involvement with small children in our society especially in conflicted relationships. There are many exceptions. But you only have to cast your eye over this forum to appreciate that this is true. It's not rational to deny it.

    Very often a contributing factor to a breakup is the fathers lack of commitment or involvement to his children and indeed an involved committed father is highly associated with a relationship surviving. So *especislly* in cases of relationship breakdown, you can find a father not interested in undertaking any serious level of care for his child.

    I definitely don't say this is always the case. But I think people need to look past their own situations and take a broader look at the realities.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    It's garbage actually. It's well established by Australian research that women want fathers to have more, not less, contact.

    Of course there would be exceptions. But they are not typical. Furthermore when women try to prevent contact it's usually Where there has been abuse.
    Yep. I don't know why single dads are always painted as the victim because this is true. A well respected family court judge wrote a very large paper on the reality - that it is more often than not the dads hindering their own access with their children deliberately!

    i kniw when i split with ex i was heartbroken that the first thing he did was travel to the country to his parent's house and called me blind drunk every night and deliberately did not see DS for 6 weeks until *I* requested he do so because DS had forgotten who he was. We eventually established that ex would have him every monday so I could work that day. 90% of the time he didn't show up, leaving me with nobody to care for DS and me $150 shorter each week, which was a lot of money to me at that time.

    He still avoids responsibility for DS at all costs, it was only when he repartnered he started seeing him, but of course this meant she was looking after him and it was a guise to pretend he was a great dad because it did stop again.

    I have given up caring now, and have to live with the fact he has given up his title of dad and handed it to my DP who is responsible for him financially, emotionally and in every other way. He sees him on his birthday and xmas, sometimes easter. Actually last year he didn't call fornhis birthday. And yep he plays the victim with the "she took him". Of course I bloody took him, he had never changed a nappy and he was a breastfed baby FFS.

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  10. #308
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Marepoppin View Post
    People are saying that 'good dads' should have 50/50 shared care. Who is going to decide which are the good dads and which aren't?
    Is there going to be a checklist? An acceptable financial income range? The desire to look after their kids 50% of the time? Or the actually ability to do that? Because my ex will talk until he's blue in the face about wanting to be there for his kid... And in the next breath say he doesn't have time to call his son bc he's working and hasn't got the money to visit bc he wants a new motorbike and oh yeah, that time you left me in charge of him I tried to kill myself remember but I'm totally sure that next time will be 100% better!
    This thread is laughable now. One size does not fit all and even if the law says it did, who decides who is a good enough parent and why?
    The court. Assuming both parents live reasonably close to the childs school...Unless one parent is a total dip$hit, if they want 50-50, are prepared to live up to their end of the bargain (turning up etc) then they shouldnt be robbed of 50-50.

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  12. #309
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Its not about wanting the mother to live in poverty. It's about the child's right to know both parents equally.

    I stand by what I said: if the father is a good parent the mother shoudnt be allowed to move away. If she doesn't have family there thats just tough, she can learn to make friends. If she is in financial strife then do what other people do: get help, downgrade your housing, go back to school, do whatever is necessary. When a woman has a child she gives up her right to take the easy road and put herself first.

    If the Dad is a not a good person and doesn't care about the child, well that's a different story.
    I agree. It seems to me that the fathers rights don't seem as important just by some of the comments of this thread. And its obvious some mothers aren't easy to deal with and make it harder for the fathers to be involved rather than work.
    I also like how sahm's complain re the lack of time the fathers weren't around during the relationship. No they may not have been because they were out working providing for you and the child/children.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Stiflers Mom View Post
    I still don't understand why you keep stressing about this work/study thing and the custodial parent? Obviously its great for people to get ahead in life, but you can't control other people and the direction their lives take.

    I can't remember what happened in your situation, did they ever do mediation?
    My point I'm trying to make is the whole I have no $$ or I have no $$ because I'm studying or no $$ because I can't work ALOT or I have CC expenses. Some of these stumbling blocks could be helped if 2 parents who lived close enough could share 50/50 care.

    I'm all for people bettering themselves however some people expect everyone to be at their beck & call in order to help them achieve their goals.

    How a family is run when bio parents are together will obviously need to be reassessed when 2 people split up. A man shouldn't be penalized after a seperation because when they were together he worked & she stayed home!!!

    Does that make sense at all?

    Mediation wasn't very successful, however it is pretty much as good as its going to get now. Not likely to EVER be 50/50 but enough atm for DH to maintain a relationship with his kids. However I worry that like I've heard on this forum from adults that were in this situation that DH kids will grow up to feel they were merely visitors here😰

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