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  1. #251
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    Rereading my post I talked a lot about primary and secondary care givers, so by that logic, it would seem that the best time that a 50/50 shared care would work would be if there wasn't a primary and secondary care giver prior to the split as this would ensure the least likely changes after a split.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by pegasus View Post
    Rereading my post I talked a lot about primary and secondary care givers, so by that logic, it would seem that the best time that a 50/50 shared care would work would be if there wasn't a primary and secondary care giver prior to the split as this would ensure the least likely changes after a split.
    Yes exactly. I am all for 50/50 custody with my DH (not that it is ever going to happen) because we are both equal parents. My DH and I spend equal time with the children but I understand we are in the minority.
    I know of a situation where 50/50 custody is working but again different circumstances where the mother works and the father studies so can both be 50/50 parents.
    I also know of a situation where the father wishes it could happen but the reality is the ex wife is a SAHM with her new partner and the fathers new partner doesn't cope when she has to look after the children while he is at work and his work has suffered.

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  4. #253
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    If a parent can't, in an area they have already been living in, learn to ask for and accept help/to make friends: to get a job.... If they threaten a breakdown if they arent allowed to move...well perhaps that raises further concerns about their parental abilities?

    Why should a 50% custody mum
    Be allowed to move away from a 50% custody dad? Are vaginas really that much better than penises?
    Well said & I agree 100%
    Why should a man ( because truth is majority of women assume the kids are theirs to keep ) spend the next however many years til his child/ren is 18 at the mercy of the custodial parent.
    Moving to follow his kids around because of the many excuses given by an ex as to why it's in the best interests of said children.

    If 50/50 care was the scenario mum will be able go work 2 jobs in her week without children if that's what she needed to do.

    Truth is my experience with women is that they will do what's in their own best interests, what makes their life easier. And yep I am a woman who has such a mindset.

    There are many crappy dads. When I first split with my ex he insisted on our 3 kids every weekday 4-8 & all weekend every weekend ( so I basically never seen my children )
    What I did was work 2 sometimes 3 jobs.
    Over the last 3 yrs on his own my ex now only sees his kids every 2nd weekend because in his words he's not my free babysitter😡

    But then on the other hand my DH ex has moved twice, both times to areas with less job, house, education opportunities and being that she does not drive he has to drive hours to see his kids. Every second weekend it's 2 hrs to pick them up & 2 hours to drop them home to her. She told him to just give up & don't bother seeing them. So when she decided to move another 6 hrs away just because she'd ****ed off her support system I told him no, those kids are part of our family. So off to court we went, she cannot move any further away BUT it's still 2 hrs away.
    She complains constantly about having no $$, well here's a thought move back down here where your kids were born & raised, where you can rent for at least the same as you pay now & share your kids 50/50 with their dad. Frees her up to work more & saves them spending so much time traveling.

    I detest all men being painted as ****ty dads because they aren't all the same!!!

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    I don't think 50/50 custody is realistic. It's definitely not in my situation with an ASD toddler who freaks if you move furniture to clean. Can't even imagine the damage it would do to him having to do week about. Mote point anyway as I live interstate from his father.
    My parents divorced when I was young. My father fought for us but it was only to hurt my mother. As soon as he got what he wanted, he would only see us once a year and dump us down the park for whole visit with his new step kids. 50/50 wouldn't have worked in that situation either as eventually we all got sick of being dumped in a park with $2 for chips for 6 kids and hearing our father constantly rubbish our mother. He still continues to do so 20 years after they divorced.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Why was 50-50 not workable in your situation and what split did your dh have before his ex moved? It sounds to me like your dh's ex already had ties in the new community? Where was the original family location and who moved away first?

    Sorry for the questions but I can't understand how your dh just let his kid move from 10 minutes to 2 hours away.
    The area she moved too was new. She travelled there frequently to visit her family and ended up meeting her new partner there, hence wanting to move and start a new life.
    Now thinking about it (it was a few years ago now!) We originally moved 1/2 away from her first. Which obviously DH was allowed to do with no questions from his ex!
    Then she wanted to move 2.5 hours from that location.
    DH had his son every second weekend before she moved. 50/50 was not possible as he had various night shift work etc. They had him very young and to be honest I don't think DH would have coped with 50/50 care with work etc. I don't think 50/50 care would have been in anyone's best interest.
    The move has been the best thing for his son who has gained a really great step Dad, step grandparents, a new brother and sister and frequent contact with cousin's, aunties and he loves his new town/school/friends etc.
    He is nearly 16 and comes to visit whenever it is convenient for him. There is no more set weekends and he has to work around parties, sport an a 2.5hr train ride.
    Making his mum stay in the original area would have been horribly unfair to her and caused lots of resentment.

    Has the move affected the relationship between DH and his son? Of course. No situation is perfect. Seeing him for 2 days a fortnight did not constitute making him and his mum stay somewhere they didn't want too. It was an awful, unsafe suburb anyway so a country move has been much better.
    DH doesn't for a minute regret allowing the move and making sure his son's primary carer was 'allowed' to be happy and stable.
    Last edited by faroutbrusselsprout; 16-12-2012 at 08:06.

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  8. #256
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Can I asked who moved away from the original location? My view is that as long as both parents are equal players one parent choosing to move away shouldn't disadvantage the other. (Not that that is entirely applicable in your case as by the sounds of it you had majority custody.)
    Originally, he moved an hour away. But then moved close to her school which was an hour away from me. And then had to move back to where he was an hour away.

    In the end, the 'original residence' (we rented so had to move around anyway) became too expensive and I had move back to my parents house which was 8 hours away.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    .

    There are many crappy dads. When I first split with my ex he insisted on our 3 kids every weekday 4-8 & all weekend every weekend ( so I basically never seen my children )
    What I did was work 2 sometimes 3 jobs.
    !!!
    Genuine question - why would you even allow this if you weren't happy with the arrangement? A court would surely never demand this much time, at the very least your weekends should have been shared.

    The above times literally left you nothing as their mother.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    Genuine question - why would you even allow this if you weren't happy with the arrangement? A court would surely never demand this much time, at the very least your weekends should have been shared.

    The above times literally left you nothing as their mother.
    Because I knew he was doing it out of spite & it wouldn't last long. I figured in the meantime I could work & work & work.

    That scenario lasted no more than 3 months then he started dropping back thankfully.

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    Default Re: 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    Because I knew he was doing it out of spite & it wouldn't last long. I figured in the meantime I could work & work & work.

    That scenario lasted no more than 3 months then he started dropping back thankfully.
    And just out of curiousity - what if it had back fired?

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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    ( because truth is majority of women assume the kids are theirs to keep )
    I call bullsh*t on this statement.

    Moving to follow his kids around because of the many excuses given by an ex as to why it's in the best interests of said children.
    And also on this one.


    If 50/50 care was the scenario mum will be able go work 2 jobs in her week without children if that's what she needed to do.
    This is incredibly simplistic. I know I certainly didn't have time for two jobs as I was (and still am) studying full time.


    Truth is my experience with women is that they will do what's in their own best interests, what makes their life easier.
    'fraid I have to call bullsh*t on this statement too.


    I detest all men being painted as ****ty dads because they aren't all the same!!!
    I don't believe this is the case actually. I don't think anyone is painting all men as sh*tty dads.

    I think your experience with the husbands ex has clouded your opinion on this.

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