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  1. #231
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by HugsBunny View Post
    Lets not forget that it's better for kids if their parents are happy and healthy, both emotionally and physically. If staying in an area where someone was completely cut off and ostracised would impact negatively on their health, why in earth should they have to stay there??
    If a parent can't, in an area they have already been living in, learn to ask for and accept help/to make friends: to get a job.... If they threaten a breakdown if they arent allowed to move...well perhaps that raises further concerns about their parental abilities?

    Why should a 50% custody mum
    Be allowed to move away from a 50% custody dad? Are vaginas really that much better than penises?

  2. #232
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ana Gram View Post
    I think this tends to come back to whether of not 50/50 is a realistic achievement. I would think that for it to work well, the parents need to live close to each other. That can be difficult enough sometimes, especially if one or both of the parents are stuck renting.
    I agree they need to be living close. My point is that prior to the point of breakup they were living together. Assuming both parents are equally good/responsible parents...If any one parent wants to move a significant distance away they should do so accepting that their custody share will decline. Having a vagina shouldnt give women any more rights in that regard.

  3. #233
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    Ok that makes more sense was feeling some people thought it ok for one parent to move when they want but seems its more get to an area they can have support and live then stick put unless both parents agree etc
    I think custodial arrangements should be negotiated every year. Or each time circumstances change for either parent or children. The needs of children change all the time and the abilities of the parents to adequately address these needs can change as well.

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    to make friends
    Ok, have to ask as you have said this more than once but what on earth do you mean? I had tons of close friends where I was but none of them were able to help me take care of my child.

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I agree they need to be living close. My point is that prior to the point of breakup they were living together. Assuming both parents are equally good/responsible parents...If any one parent wants to move a significant distance away they should do so accepting that their custody share will decline. Having a vagina shouldnt give women any more rights in that regard.
    More often than not, it is the mother who is in the role of the main carer. That is why many posts tend to focus on this.

    Also, what is a significant distance? When my ex finally moved out after we had to live together for a year after we split, he moved an hour away. He only had DD on the weekend at that point as it was too far for 50/50.

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  5. #234
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Are vaginas really that much better than penises?
    Yes, but that is a different thread

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  7. #235
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    If a parent can't, in an area they have already been living in, learn to ask for and accept help/to make friends: to get a job.... If they threaten a breakdown if they arent allowed to move...well perhaps that raises further concerns about their parental abilities?

    Why should a 50% custody mum
    Be allowed to move away from a 50% custody dad? Are vaginas really that much better than penises?
    Perhaps if you had been through it, you may have even the slightest understanding but it's become obvious that you have a very limited comprehension.

    I don't believe anyone would 'threaten' a breakdown as an 'excuse' to move away, but sometimes through ongoing emotional abuse and worse, the possibility is still there.

    I'm talking in a court situation here, where if the custodial parent has been seeing a psychologist or counsellor to talk through and deal with their problems, that counsellor can and most likely WILL be subpoena'd for their opinion. That's not a custodial 'threatening' anything, that's a valid PROFESSIONAL opinion.

    Oh and please, vaginas and penises?? Really? We're talking about custodians and noncustodial a here - don't make this into a rant about single mothers.

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  9. #236
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    if the father is a good parent...he should want the mother of his children to have a good support network/access to employment/not live in poverty.
    .
    This is the exact reason my DH "let" his ex move over 2 hours away from originally being 10 minutes away.
    She had met a new partner and had lots of family and friends for support in her new area.
    How could she ever be the best mother possible being forced to remain away from her support network?
    DH had met and moved in with me and had moved on with his "new life".
    To not allow her to find happiness, support and love would be at the detriment of his son?
    There was no possibility of 50/50 care in our situation, so why make her stay somewhere for 2 days a fortnight?
    He sacrificed access and time in his son's best interest to have a happy, functioning, supported mother. With a lot of organisation he still managed to see his son once or twice a month anyway.

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  11. #237
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ana Gram View Post
    I think custodial arrangements should be negotiated every year. Or each time circumstances change for either parent or children. The needs of children change all the time and the abilities of the parents to adequately address these needs can change as well.



    Ok, have to ask as you have said this more than once but what on earth do you mean? I had tons of close friends where I was but none of them were able to help me take care of my child.



    More often than not, it is the mother who is in the role of the main carer. That is why many posts tend to focus on this.

    Also, what is a significant distance? When my ex finally moved out after we had to live together for a year after we split, he moved an hour away. He only had DD on the weekend at that point as it was too far for 50/50.
    I think VicPark is failing to realise this fact. It's the same for both my kids dads. ExH is only 15km away, but he doesn't have a car, so it would be impossible for him to have DS 50% of the time. DD's dad lives 1 hour away, also too far for 50% care. I think the ONLY time it could work is if each parent is in the same suburb (or at most one or two suburbs away and each parent would ideally have a car).

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    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    This is the exact reason my DH "let" his ex move over 2 hours away from originally being 10 minutes away.
    She had met a new partner and had lots of family and friends for support in her new area.
    How could she ever be the best mother possible being forced to remain away from her support network?
    DH had met and moved in with me and had moved on with his "new life".
    To not allow her to find happiness, support and love would be at the detriment of his son?
    There was no possibility of 50/50 care in our situation, so why make her stay somewhere for 2 days a fortnight?
    He sacrificed access and time in his son's best interest to have a happy, functioning, supported mother. With a lot of organisation he still managed to see his son once or twice a month anyway.
    Sounds very sensible. I do not believe it is in a child's best interests for their parent to be living in an area in which they are unhappy, feel unsafe or have little access to job opportunities for the sake of 'equality' for the parents...so they can clock the same number of hours. Children are not pawns.

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  14. #239
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by HugsBunny View Post
    Perhaps if you had been through it, you may have even the slightest understanding but it's become obvious that you have a very limited comprehension.

    I don't believe anyone would 'threaten' a breakdown as an 'excuse' to move away, but sometimes through ongoing emotional abuse and worse, the possibility is still there.

    I'm talking in a court situation here, where if the custodial parent has been seeing a psychologist or counsellor to talk through and deal with their problems, that counsellor can and most likely WILL be subpoena'd for their opinion. That's not a custodial 'threatening' anything, that's a valid PROFESSIONAL opinion.

    Oh and please, vaginas and penises?? Really? We're talking about custodians and noncustodial a here - don't make this into a rant about single mothers.
    Obviously we are not on the same wavelength. You are talking about 'custodial parent.' I am talking about cases where both parents are equally good and equally available for their kids.
    Last edited by VicPark; 15-12-2012 at 22:35.

  15. #240
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    I think VicPark is failing to realise this fact. It's the same for both my kids dads. ExH is only 15km away, but he doesn't have a car, so it would be impossible for him to have DS 50% of the time. DD's dad lives 1 hour away, also too far for 50% care. I think the ONLY time it could work is if each parent is in the same suburb (or at most one or two suburbs away and each parent would ideally have a car).
    Yep, totally agree.

    We even went through a year of him being 5 minutes away from her school and me being an hour away. I went through several months of doing a four hour round trip every school day and barely seeing my child even though I was the custodial parent.

    Individual situations end up being very complicated sometimes.

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