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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    This is off topic but I actually feel like if there was no conflict and we got on well, and the guy was dedicated enough to be wanting to completely share child raising.... Then i would still want to be in a relationship anyway?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    I can understand what deserama is saying because at this stage in my life it's more important to me to provide a stable home for my kids than have a 'soulsmate' (no offence to dh)

    Sometimes, like when he is shouting at the football, I feel I could have found someone I had more in common with, but I will never find someone more dedicated to our children, and that's more important to me.

    So basically that's why I relate to the idea that if you can get on well enough with someone to co parent then to me that would prob mean I would still be in love with them

    But everyone is different of course!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Ana Gram View Post
    Also, if one party still has more than platonic feelings for the other, living together is very uncomfortable to say the least.
    I guess that begs the question at what point does the relationship go from 'love' to platonic. And you'd have to be soooooo certain that you both feel the same way.

    It'd be the perfect scenario if it could work....for a little while anyway until one or the other wanted to move on. Then you're really delaying the inevitable really aren't you. Hmmmmm

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    This is off topic but I actually feel like if there was no conflict and we got on well, and the guy was dedicated enough to be wanting to completely share child raising.... Then i would still want to be in a relationship anyway?
    Possibly....until you find someone else?

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    I guess i feel that if we had the other stuff it wouldn't be platonic or become platonic

    But maybe I just can't relate because it hasn't happened to me

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    I guess i feel that if we had the other stuff it wouldn't be platonic or become platonic

    But maybe I just can't relate because it hasn't happened to me
    Think about more in terms of.....you don't have any romantic love there but you still have admiration and respect and friendship so you'd still be able to live together and parent together indefinetly?

    I know...it's hard to imagine. Although my dh is my best friend. But he's also got the personality where if we were to ever split up we'd probably could be friends, like it's a possibility. He'd still be fun to live with...so...who knows! Probably be cheaper for a while anyway

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    I guess I feel like respect admiration and friendship and presumably you were at least at one time attracted so if you have all that you would have romantic love.

    It might be a personality thing. I feel if I had all that plus dedication to kids we would make it work and keep the romance alive.

    But others may not which is fine

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    Even if I had respect, admiration and friendship (which there wasn't), I couldn't keep it going without love. If there is no love, there is no relationship for me.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Well I get on very well with my ex-DH and we share all parenting duties. But couldn't live together platonically. A big thing is that since we have split we have both changed a lot. So whilst we do get on I think living together and seeing each other live these separate lives would be more damaging to our good friendship.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    Think about more in terms of.....you don't have any romantic love there but you still have admiration and respect and friendship so you'd still be able to live together and parent together indefinetly?

    I know...it's hard to imagine. Although my dh is my best friend. But he's also got the personality where if we were to ever split up we'd probably could be friends, like it's a possibility. He'd still be fun to live with...so...who knows! Probably be cheaper for a while anyway
    I don't know, I can't see that working long term. I feel once a relationship is over you both have a right to move on, you know? You'd eventually have to stop living together anyway, why delay the inevitable? My DH did actually try this with his exw (well before meeting me) and it just caused even more friction. Had he still been doing this when I met him I'd never have gone out with him tbh.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    This is what confuses me.

    If you love someone, and also have respect admiration and friendship, why would you stop loving them?

    I feel that anyone older than a teenager can kind of realise that is a good working relationship ESP for raising children.

    I guess some people get an overwhelming sense of something missing in life... And don't want to be in a relationship at all.


 

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