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  1. #101
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    I am unable to put the personal crap aside because FOB broke my spirit. He was so abusive. He still calls me names in front of DS and tells DS stories about DP and I, we even had the privilidge of having childish songs made up about us by his dad.

    I personally think it's healthier for DS to not see us together, because witnessing your dad hurt your mum is never a good thing.

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    HappyBovinexx  (14-12-2012)

  3. #102
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I am unable to put the personal crap aside because FOB broke my spirit. He was so abusive. He still calls me names in front of DS and tells DS stories about DP and I, we even had the privilidge of having childish songs made up about us by his dad.

    I personally think it's healthier for DS to not see us together, because witnessing your dad hurt your mum is never a good thing.
    Hugs. That is why I said I knew it wasn't always possible. He sounds horrible. He is probably shooting himself in the foot as when your DS is older he will see what his dad is doing and think less of him.

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    HugsBunny  (14-12-2012)

  5. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by Atropos View Post
    On one hand, you'd stay in a loveless relationship, on the other, you can't keep up the pretence?
    They are both pretences IMO. I wouldn't stay in a loveless relationship. I think it's important to set a good example to my daughters of what a marriage really is. Jmo.
    Well if there is mutual respect and friendship then there'd be no pretence would there. I even said if we had to live as room mates? I wouldn't be pretending to love anybody. I'd just be living with my friend/room mate and co-parenting. Nothing would have changed except we wouldn't be pretending to love each other anymore...our relationship would have changed but there'd still be one. If we could that is....but we can't so moot point really. But if it were possible I'd do it. I've heard of others doing it and it works very well

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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    Hugs. That is why I said I knew it wasn't always possible. He sounds horrible. He is probably shooting himself in the foot as when your DS is older he will see what his dad is doing and think less of him.
    I believe so, thanks I've never badmouthed XDP in front of DS because I truly believe kids think they are one half of their mother and one half of their father. I see more of DP's characteristics (apart from physical of course) in DS to be brutally honest but I believe to be nasty toward his dad in front of him is to attack a part of him. That's how he would see it anyway, and this has caused me to fib, against every fiber in my being, on behalf of his dad when he doesn't show up or breaks his little heart yet again.

  7. #105
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    Because you don't love each other?
    Who said anything about love? Why can't two people be roomates/friends? Do you love every person you have ever been friends with? Or roomates with? Relationships aren't just about love you know...I have relationships with my friends, it includes love...but not the kind of love you're referring to

  8. #106
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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Lost my post!

    Sorry I thought you meant you'd actually stay in a relationship, not live together platonically.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    I can understand what deserama is saying because at this stage in my life it's more important to me to provide a stable home for my kids than have a 'soulsmate' (no offence to dh)

    Sometimes, like when he is shouting at the football, I feel I could have found someone I had more in common with, but I will never find someone more dedicated to our children, and that's more important to me.

    So basically that's why I relate to the idea that if you can get on well enough with someone to co parent then to me that would prob mean I would still be in love with them

    But everyone is different of course!!

  10. #108
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    Also, if one party still has more than platonic feelings for the other, living together is very uncomfortable to say the least.

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    Default 50/50 Shared Care: Do you think it is realistic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ana Gram View Post
    Also, if one party still has more than platonic feelings for the other, living together is very uncomfortable to say the least.
    very much so!

  12. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    Lost my post!

    Sorry I thought you meant you'd actually stay in a relationship, not live together platonically.
    Oh....oops...I guess I wasn't clear! God no! I should have said reside together as friends! Stay in the 'relationship' I meant, stay with the guy, live together but you're not 'with' him IYKWIM?

    Now I'm confusing myself! Anyway I think you get the gist


 

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