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  1. #51
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    Default Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    Sorry - I didn't quite understand what line she crossed here? She told him Santa had come to her house for him? Or she opened presents for him without you there?
    I'm not even sure why a MIL post is in a step parent thread. What has a meddling MIL got to do with step kids or step parents??

  2. #52
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    Default Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    Really sad. I'm sorry she felt like that.
    However if I wanted to get a tattoo of my children, I would and it wouldn't include SS.
    I think there is so much pressure for step parents to look at their step child as their own, if they do. Fantastic! I they don't that's ok too and step kids need to know that that's ok.
    I think we have kind of agreed that at some point he will get a tattoo to symbolise both me and her in some way... Not sure how.

  3. #53
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    Default Re: Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by ermergerd View Post
    I fear I will have this problem when DH and I ttc our own child. I had my kids names on my arm and when we have a child I will add their name. His dd is not on my arm and she wont ever be. I have a feeling it will cause problems but i refuse to tattoo her name on me, it wouldnt be right
    I'm in the same boat, Dsd gets a bit upset that my dd and I are close she even says to dd 'your so lucky you have bavybumblebee as your mum' or I wish u where my real mum and my real mum was my step so horrible to be put in that situation and dsd will be so upset if I get a tattoo for dd.

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  4. #54
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    and all that the Lorax left here in this mess was a small pile of rocks with the one word...UNLESS
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    I'm another who always respected the fact that the children lived primarily with their mum, so never even thought about them calling me mum. Although they did call a couple of their step dads dad - which made their father feel cr@p (perhaps because they had a few step dads before their mum married).

    I am another who if I got a tattoo it would have my kids, but not my sk. My step daughter has a tattoo with my DSS and my two children's names on it. I guess I'm only thinking of it now as I don't actually have any tattoos, but if I went down that track, I'd probably end up getting a symbol for my sk rather than their names.

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    Default Learn your place?

    I should point out my dd's dad is dead so my dh is the only dad in her life

  6. #56
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    Default Re: Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    I should point out my dd's dad is dead so my dh is the only dad in her life
    Just curious... But why did your DH leave SD off the tattoo ?


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    Default Learn your place?

    Well, we actually had a 'hard patch ' 2 years ago and he went back to his parents out of state after an argument and at that time we melodramatically thought it was all over. He then got the 3 kids' names (not me or my eldest ). He says he didn't think of it
    (Getting hers) and seemed like he was oblivious to how hurtful it was. I was not impressed and it's been an ongoing source of tension.

    Fast forward 2 years I am having another baby in a week or so. Dh says he doesn't want any more names on him anywhere (the 3 kids names are across his chest and there's no room anyway).

    He said he will get a horse to symbolise my eldest dd ( she is a very keen horse rider) and won't be getting more names anyway. He wants me to pick something for myself and have it all done in a design .

    I will be bloody glad if this can be resolved.

    If it was me with a step child i would either get their name as well or no names at all , it's not right to make something so blatant

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  9. #58
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    Default Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    I am very ashamed of this but here goes. My dh got a tattoo of our three children's names. He didn't add my eldest dd's, his stepdaughter. She was crushed by this and I saw on her fb status recently 'every time I see my stepdads tattoo it's like getting stabbed in the heart.

    Anyway I know this situation came about through complex ways... But I guess it's like this perfect symbolism of the unspoken issues
    That must be hard on your dd. My partner has our kids names tattooed and is designing a sleeve, he didn't add my kids on his initial one but has designed a stepladder into the sleeve and will add my kids names on the rungs. Thought that was a good way to add them while having his own kids names stand out a bit more on their own

  10. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by wantsabubba View Post
    None that I am aware of and I hope not. And I highly doubt dh would coach him to say anything unless it was please or thank you.

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    sorry but I don't think the child calling you 'mum' after only the second visit with you really counts... Sounds more like he was trying to gain his dads attention, to feel included in his dads life as you said yourself he hardly ever saw him. Kids do this.

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    I'm not a step parent but my partner is. We've been together for a couple of years and he has warmed to my son as if hes his own. My sons father has never really made a lot of effort up until recently when he realized that another man is in my sons life making him happy while he was too busy living life purely for himself. In saying that, my son knows who his father is because I have done everything I could from baby days to make it clear he had a father, even when he wasnt around. And my partner has been 100% supportive and encouraging to my son about his father. There has been a few moments my son called him daddy and straight away my partner said, "I'm your step daddy but your dad who made you is (exs name here)" so now my son calls him step daddy. I don't have a problem with that. I love it. I could not be with someone who doesn't love my child and I trulwy appreciate that my son is loved and feels at home with us rather than feeling that he is sharing his mummy with a man who doesn't like him.

    My ex had a few problems with my partner even to the point he started emailing my partners family members threatening them. (sadly my ex is irrational). But after a few months of me constantly telling him "be happy your son feels loved rather than unwanted!" and after making a fool of himself and when he realized my partner was actually encouraging my son to go see his dad etc, he's settled down and accepted it.

    I know I wouldn't be angry, threatened or anything negative in the slightest if my ex got a new woman who was in his life for good and she loved my son like her own and my son called her step mum. I would purely be happy that my son would be treated with love, respect and kindness from another woman who was in my exs life and terefore my sons life.

    I think sometimes parents need to grow up and stop being so self centered. When it comes to parenting in different homes, it's really not about the past failed relationship but rather the happiness and safety of the child. The parents need to put their emotions aside and purely do whatever it is that needs to be done for their children to be happy and have meaningful relationships with both parents (ad their partners).
    A child feeling loved by their parents partner is so important and something to be appreciated. Isn't it better for a child to have a happy warm home with both parents rather than feeling unwanted and uncomfortable?

    When parents and their partners can work together to give their child everything it needs (love is definitely on top of that list) then that's beautiful ad that's when children grow up well adjusted with lots of support to bloom into adulthood.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to Miah For This Useful Post:

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