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  1. #41
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    Default Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    Not a step parent here but there is a history here with Brandi and Leann. Leann and Eddie had an affair and Eddie and Brandis marriage ended, it's obviously still very raw for her that she now also has to co-parent with the woman who broke up her family. Yes I watch too much RHOBH
    *hides in shame*
    I love RHOBH!
    Leanne and Eddie were trying to take full custody of the boys plus are still fighting in court over support payments plus the affair went public before the wife knew and they are always in the tabloids all over each other so I don't blame Brandi for hating this woman, it's good that she loved her step kids but I can totally understand how angry Brandi would be towards her

  2. #42
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    I think it depends on the situation. if the parent (custodial or non custodial) is very involved in the child's life then I could understand the feeling of being usurped. If DH and I broke up and he partnered someone that called our kids 'hers' I would turn a little crazy.

    But if the parent is absent, doesn't see the child, isn't interested, doesn't pay CS, then it's kind of understandable that the step parent who was actually doing all this stuff in place of the absent one may consider them their child.

  3. #43
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    Default Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    I am very ashamed of this but here goes. My dh got a tattoo of our three children's names. He didn't add my eldest dd's, his stepdaughter. She was crushed by this and I saw on her fb status recently 'every time I see my stepdads tattoo it's like getting stabbed in the heart.

    Anyway I know this situation came about through complex ways... But I guess it's like this perfect symbolism of the unspoken issues
    Really sad. I'm sorry she felt like that.
    However if I wanted to get a tattoo of my children, I would and it wouldn't include SS.
    I think there is so much pressure for step parents to look at their step child as their own, if they do. Fantastic! I they don't that's ok too and step kids need to know that that's ok.

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    I am a step mum but dislike the term step mum (as a name not concept) and would never ever dare to let the chn call me mum. When we first moved in, my dps daughter was 5 and she persistently asked what to call me and was not happy with 'your friend' and other suggestions etc! She used to say but you are my other mum and this was a hard one to respond to. I always think about if the role was reversed and I would feel uncomfortable (as the mum).
    Having said that I put lots into the kids and I guess do lots of 'motherly' type things, but that doesn't make me mum.
    Ahhhh it's hard!

  5. #45
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    I would never let MY kids call his new thing mum. They are MY kids not hers.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to shhhsleeping For This Useful Post:

    Kiplusthree  (09-12-2012)

  7. #46
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    Default Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by shhhsleeping View Post
    I would never let MY kids call his new thing mum. They are MY kids not hers.
    That's right!
    And the same goes for me.
    He is my husbands child. NOT mine.
    Just because I love DH doesn't change this.

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    Ellewood  (10-12-2012)

  9. #47
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    Default Re: Learn your place?

    Try having a step child with a disability - it took a while for him to understand that I'm his step mum, but I don't replace his real mum - not even if she passes away (yes we had that question).

    How we ended up explaining it was that I am his dad's wife and another adult in his life who cares about him, his dad & I make rules in our house for him and his brother to follow, and he should show respect to me the same as he does any of his aunts. That seemed to work.

    Personally I think a step parent should only be called mum or dad if it they have been in a long term, serious relationship with the bio parent. It should be the choice of the child and parent and their partner. Whilst the feelings of the other parent should be considered (perhaps not call the new wife "mum" in front of their bio mum), it is not actually the other parent's right to dictate the relationship which develops between step parent and step child.

  10. #48
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    A PP was right when they said all families involving "steps" are different.

    Should a child who has no contact with one of their parents never find another person they feel fills that void, and call them "Dad" or "Mum," instead? It's a bit different to them calling someone else "Mum," when they've only known that person for a short amount of time, and their own mother is very much an active part of their life... right?

    If my DD ever referred to her father's wife as "Mum," I would probably go have a massive cry and feel dirty. About all she's ever had to do with DD, is encouraging DD's father to move overseas. If for some reason DD occasionally travelled overseas to see them, I would be gutted if she came back from a holiday thinking she had a new mother. Putting up with my child for a week or so doesn't make you worthy of being called her "Mum."

    If my ex and his partner were still around and an active part in DD's life, it might be different. I'd be glad that she was loved by someone else, and felt close enough to her that she wanted to give her that title.

    But I'd get angry if the ex ever even mentioned DD as if he was any type of father to her... so if his wife did it? I would be fricking furious.

  11. #49
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    RoseKathleen is offline ...Yes - motherhood is a full-time job!
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    I have no idea who these celebrities are - but there has to be a lot more history behind it. I believe that yes there is a line - especially if the birth mother (or father) is still alive and in the picture.

    Blended families are very complex - and my family still struggles with different blood relationships now - and this all happened 37 years ago!

    But there is a line - and everyone needs to be careful. My MIL "crossed the line" on DS's first Xmas. As her only grandchild I knew he would be completely spoilt - but when we arrived on Xmas day she excitedly said to him (and luckily he was only 7month and didn't understand) - "Come and see! Santa bought presents to Nanny's house for you!"

    I was wild! I know it was her grandchild, but it was MY pleasure, MY right to share opening a present from Santa with MY child. There is a line, and you need to be clear of where it is or people get hurt.

  12. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoseKathleen View Post
    But there is a line - and everyone needs to be careful. My MIL "crossed the line" on DS's first Xmas. As her only grandchild I knew he would be completely spoilt - but when we arrived on Xmas day she excitedly said to him (and luckily he was only 7month and didn't understand) - "Come and see! Santa bought presents to Nanny's house for you!"

    I was wild! I know it was her grandchild, but it was MY pleasure, MY right to share opening a present from Santa with MY child. There is a line, and you need to be clear of where it is or people get hurt.
    Sorry - I didn't quite understand what line she crossed here? She told him Santa had come to her house for him? Or she opened presents for him without you there?

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