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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    The thing I always say on here is step parents and blended families are so very very complicated. They are like snow flakes! Each is completely different and individual.
    I'm completely honest and open about my situation and I know for a fact some people are completely appalled by how I see things in my blended family. But I'm completely at peace and happy to discuss it.

    My DH has raised my DS since he was 14mths old and refers to him as "his". My DS has very limited contact with his interstate biological father and sees DH as his Dad. DH has completely taken on the role of being his dad and they have a very strong relationship.
    If DS's bio dad ever tried to dictate to us what DH should/shouldn't be doing/saying etc. It would be completely disregarded. He has basically given up all rights to do so with the amount of contact he has chosen to have with DS.
    As a step parent, I'm the opposite!
    Your honesty is refreshing, and I do believe that you do the best you can for your DSS and I have never seen any vindictivness from you toward his mum.

    Like you say, you can't compare two, because in some the child/ren have two loving, involved parents. Others don't have another bio parent and have another who has taken over that role. Some have step parents they barely know, or a bio parent they barely know.

  2. #32
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    My DD has a stepmum who has been in her life since the day she was born (I wasn't in a relationship with FOB when I got pregnant and he met her while I was pregnant). We all get along really well (not the norm, it would seem?) and DD's stepmum loves DD to bits, which I think is great.

    I see it as a bonus that FOB is in a stable relationship. I'd much rather that, and DD have someone she will grow up to love and trust, than for FOB to be dating a string of women. That would be my worst nightmare actually, I can't imagine how unsettling it would be for DD if he was constantly dating women. She would probably get attached and then have it taken away with the breakups. With FOB married, I know that DD has a stable and happy home to go to every second weekend and I don't have to worry about her

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  4. #33
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    Default Learn your place?

    I am very ashamed of this but here goes. My dh got a tattoo of our three children's names. He didn't add my eldest dd's, his stepdaughter. She was crushed by this and I saw on her fb status recently 'every time I see my stepdads tattoo it's like getting stabbed in the heart.

    Anyway I know this situation came about through complex ways... But I guess it's like this perfect symbolism of the unspoken issues

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  6. #34
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    Default Re: Learn your place?

    In my situation it's so very different.
    DH has a son but has never pushed for visits it was up to sds (15) to decide if he wanted to know DH.
    So in the last 5 years we have had sds a handful of times. Once he decided he did want to know DH.
    They live os but visit at least one a year.
    Sds calls me aunty as this is what bio mum and I agreed on.
    I'm not sds mum and never will be. But I have the right to discipline if need be.

    MIL has a bad habit of claiming my DS (5) is her baby. People always laugh and look at me funny.
    DS is the spitting image of me.
    I hate anyone claiming him. He is my pride and joy! There are other ways to show you love a child other than claiming them like that.

    Sent from my LG-P500 using BubHub

  7. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    I am very ashamed of this but here goes. My dh got a tattoo of our three children's names. He didn't add my eldest dd's, his stepdaughter. She was crushed by this and I saw on her fb status recently 'every time I see my stepdads tattoo it's like getting stabbed in the heart.

    Anyway I know this situation came about through complex ways... But I guess it's like this perfect symbolism of the unspoken issues

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    Default Re: Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    i do think though that calling someone 'mummy' or 'daddy' is not the same as identifying them as mummy or daddy. 2nd meeting... Are you sure there wasn't a little coaching going on there?
    None that I am aware of and I hope not. And I highly doubt dh would coach him to say anything unless it was please or thank you.

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  10. #37
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    Default Re: Learn your place?

    I feel for brandi..

    This woman is replacing her as a wife and now as a mother. In this particular situation I can understand it and I would feel the same in her position! However I don't think every situation with these circumstances should have a blanket 'yes it's ok' or 'No it's wrong' answer as each situation is vastly different!

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  11. #38
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    I dated a guy for a little while before i was with dp and he had a daughter, i fell in love with her. One day i was in the bathroom and when i came out she called me mummy, he had been telling her to do this while i was out of the room, i immediatly corrected her and said no i'm your Sarah (not my real name i like to stay anonymous) we ended up having an argument over it as ex carried on how good i was with her and loved her and she loved me that i should be called mum, i disagreed while i did love her and would have done anything for her i was not her mum and she had a mum who loved her very much. His ex found out about it and approached me and thanked me for respecting her and that she was so stoked that i cared for her daughter so much yet respected her as her mum when she was the ex and not trying to step on her toes. He turned out to be a jerk and even manipulated me to stay with him longer by saying his daughter would miss me etc, thank god i'd gained the respect of his ex as she was there for me when she knew i wanted to leave and helped give me the strength to leave, we used to catch up a bit after i split with ex so i could see the little girl but it got awkward when ex would just happen to drive past when i was there and call in (was getting a bit stalkerish) so eventually had to cut ties to protect myself.

    Dp and i have even discussed this if we ever split and step parents come on the scene that under no circumstances would anyone else be taking the name mum or dad from either of us, i would be stoked if we ever split and the kids had a step mum that loved them and cared for them etc as long as they knew that they would never be mum, i am their mum no-one else can replace me, if there was a facebook post or something along the lines say of i love when my little girls come to visit i think i could handle that but if it said i love when my daughters come to visit that would cross the line.

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  13. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    I am very ashamed of this but here goes. My dh got a tattoo of our three children's names. He didn't add my eldest dd's, his stepdaughter. She was crushed by this and I saw on her fb status recently 'every time I see my stepdads tattoo it's like getting stabbed in the heart.

    Anyway I know this situation came about through complex ways... But I guess it's like this perfect symbolism of the unspoken issues
    I fear I will have this problem when DH and I ttc our own child. I had my kids names on my arm and when we have a child I will add their name. His dd is not on my arm and she wont ever be. I have a feeling it will cause problems but i refuse to tattoo her name on me, it wouldnt be right

  14. #40
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    I'd *text removed by moderator* , I'm their mum, the only one they have, I'm not sharing that. Love my kids all you want, but I made them.
    Last edited by Veve; 09-12-2012 at 22:40. Reason: inappropriate

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