+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 19 FirstFirst 1234513 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 190
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Sautéed with bacon
    Posts
    6,070
    Thanks
    271
    Thanked
    2,695
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    IMO a step parents job is to love the child as their own. It must be horrible to be the step child and to be treated different. When you split you have to assume that they may find someone that will want to parent the child and they should be allowed too. Brandi was out of line IMO I mean here is this woman who wants to treat her children like her own and she acts like this?! Maybe she would prefer when the kids visit for step mom to ignore the children and treat them like the plague.
    You think step parents should love their step kids as their own?
    What a magical world you live in. Can you point me in the direction of my "step child love switch"
    It's been nearly 8 years and I still can't find it.
    I'd crawl out of my skin if he ever called me mum... *shudder*

    I would scratch a woman's eyes out if she tried to parent and be a mother to my son with his bio father.
    I'm so lucky he's a complete and utter self centred narcissist who can't maintain a relationship.
    His last GF got spun the whole "I'm such a great dad, it's so hard etc etc" and was buying DS presents without ever meeting him after 2 weeks!
    It was hilarious.
    Last edited by faroutbrusselsprout; 09-12-2012 at 20:12.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to faroutbrusselsprout For This Useful Post:

    ermergerd  (09-12-2012)

  3. #22
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    5,276
    Thanks
    3,697
    Thanked
    3,090
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I don't have stepkids, and never been in that position - so my answer is purely from a hypothetical POV.

    I can see why it could be upsetting - especially if you bear ill will toward the new partner (e.g., if your husband had an affair and left you for the new person).

    My instinct is that I would feel horrible if DD called anyone else mum, or if anyone else (especially someone I hated) 'claimed' her in that way. I would feel jealous, possessive, and resentful of the whole situation.

    However, I can also see the flip side - that you would want your kid to be loved and treated well by the new person.

    Buuuut if you saw the new person as an evil interloper that has broken up your family and is now trying to take your kids... then.... hmmm...

    I guess it depends on the reason for the break-up and how accepting (or otherwise) you are of the current situation.

  4. #23
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    3,525
    Thanks
    1,890
    Thanked
    2,539
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by wantsabubba View Post
    We let him decide what he is comfortable calling me. At the start of the visit he was calling me by my name, then step mummy and by the end of the visit he was calling me mummy. No one forced him to do that. I love him to bits and I don't think we should dictate to him what he should or must call me. He is only four So it's confusing enough for him as it is without us telling him what to call me. We just went with what he wanted. He understands though who his real mum is and that's all that really matters IMO anyway

    Sent from my GT-I9305T using BubHub
    um, I'm not sure what your situation is but you mention one visit... Do you mean the first visit he ever had with you?? He was calling you mummy after the first visit? I'm confused.

  5. #24
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    I find I am a bit hypocritical on this issue because it depends. I would feel pretty peeved if my son's step mum tried to tell me how to parent as her and ex have DS a handful of times per year. She knows her niece better than my DS. If she tried to claim she's his mum I wouldn't be offended but miffed, she is a wonderful person, but DS barely knows her.My DP on the other hand has raised him since he was a very young toddler. Pays for all of his needs without question or resentment. Tucks him in at night. Goes out of his way to ensure he is healthy and gets a good education. My DS doesn't have a very good role model in his bio father so in my opinion, my DP plays this role.

  6. #25
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Sautéed with bacon
    Posts
    6,070
    Thanks
    271
    Thanked
    2,695
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    um, I'm not sure what your situation is but you mention one visit... Do you mean the first visit he ever had with you?? He was calling you mummy after the first visit? I'm confused.
    Oh good grief. I hope you're wrong!

  7. #26
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Sautéed with bacon
    Posts
    6,070
    Thanks
    271
    Thanked
    2,695
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I find I am a bit hypocritical on this issue because it depends. I would feel pretty peeved if my son's step mum tried to tell me how to parent as her and ex have DS a handful of times per year. She knows her niece better than my DS. If she tried to claim she's his mum I wouldn't be offended but miffed, she is a wonderful person, but DS barely knows her.My DP on the other hand has raised him since he was a very young toddler. Pays for all of his needs without question or resentment. Tucks him in at night. Goes out of his way to ensure he is healthy and gets a good education. My DS doesn't have a very good role model in his bio father so in my opinion, my DP plays this role.
    The thing I always say on here is step parents and blended families are so very very complicated. They are like snow flakes! Each is completely different and individual.
    I'm completely honest and open about my situation and I know for a fact some people are completely appalled by how I see things in my blended family. But I'm completely at peace and happy to discuss it.

    My DH has raised my DS since he was 14mths old and refers to him as "his". My DS has very limited contact with his interstate biological father and sees DH as his Dad. DH has completely taken on the role of being his dad and they have a very strong relationship.
    If DS's bio dad ever tried to dictate to us what DH should/shouldn't be doing/saying etc. It would be completely disregarded. He has basically given up all rights to do so with the amount of contact he has chosen to have with DS.
    As a step parent, I'm the opposite!

  8. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to faroutbrusselsprout For This Useful Post:

    ermergerd  (09-12-2012),SassyMummy  (09-12-2012),Stiflers Mom  (09-12-2012)

  9. #27
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    330
    Thanks
    15
    Thanked
    52
    Reviews
    0

    Default Re: Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    um, I'm not sure what your situation is but you mention one visit... Do you mean the first visit he ever had with you?? He was calling you mummy after the first visit? I'm confused.
    We live in a different state to her so for him to come visit its few and far between plus dh work has him away a fair time of the year so going there is hard to organise plus expensive. Also his ex makes it difficult for dh to see him. This would be second visit. First visit he hardly spoke to me.

    Sent from my GT-I9305T using BubHub

  10. #28
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    3,525
    Thanks
    1,890
    Thanked
    2,539
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    I don't have stepkids, and never been in that position - so my answer is purely from a hypothetical POV.

    I can see why it could be upsetting - especially if you bear ill will toward the new partner (e.g., if your husband had an affair and left you for the new person).

    My instinct is that I would feel horrible if DD called anyone else mum, or if anyone else (especially someone I hated) 'claimed' her in that way. I would feel jealous, possessive, and resentful of the whole situation.

    However, I can also see the flip side - that you would want your kid to be loved and treated well by the new person.

    Buuuut if you saw the new person as an evil interloper that has broken up your family and is now trying to take your kids... then.... hmmm...

    I guess it depends on the reason for the break-up and how accepting (or otherwise) you are of the current situation.
    In my situation it would be extremely inappropriate for DS to call his dad's partner 'mummy'. I think exDP would not be cool with that either.

    I love(d) my step-dads, but call(ed) them by name. Dad was part of my life so I think it would have hurt his feelings to call my step-father Dad.

  11. #29
    threechooks's Avatar
    threechooks is offline If my spelling annoys you that's your problem.... I have better things to do than proofread !
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    1,654
    Thanks
    402
    Thanked
    420
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I am very conscious of 'my place' as a step mum. I am more than happy to play a distant second to her mum. That's the way it should be IMO.

  12. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to threechooks For This Useful Post:

    Ellewood  (10-12-2012),Mod-pegasus  (10-12-2012),Rutabaga  (09-12-2012)

  13. #30
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    3,525
    Thanks
    1,890
    Thanked
    2,539
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by wantsabubba View Post
    We live in a different state to her so for him to come visit its few and far between plus dh work has him away a fair time of the year so going there is hard to organise plus expensive. Also his ex makes it difficult for dh to see him. This would be second visit. First visit he hardly spoke to me.

    Sent from my GT-I9305T using BubHub
    i do think though that calling someone 'mummy' or 'daddy' is not the same as identifying them as mummy or daddy. 2nd meeting... Are you sure there wasn't a little coaching going on there?


 

Similar Threads

  1. When will people learn??
    By HugsBunny in forum General Chat
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 03-07-2012, 16:58
  2. Did you learn anything in highschool?
    By Kazza78 in forum General Chat
    Replies: 61
    Last Post: 25-06-2012, 20:34
  3. How to you learn to run?
    By pinkplease3 in forum Weightloss & Fitness Challenges
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 01-05-2012, 01:10

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Mother and Baby Shop
Save $$$ during our Christmas Sale Mother and Baby Shop
Great prices on Schoenhut kids pianos, toys, baby clothing as well as big brands like Pigeon, NUK, Cherub Baby and many more. Sale starts on 1 November 2016 and ends on the 27 December 2016. Hurry! Place your order today!
sales & new stuffsee all
CarmelsBeautySecrets
Growing your own natural nails is easy. Years ago, I devised a simple and very effective technique which really helps boosts the nails' growth in as little as three days! And most importantly keeps them that way.
featured supporter
Philips AVENT Australia
Pregnancy and early parenthood is an exciting and challenging time, but it’s good to know there is expert advice on hand to ensure that your baby gets the best start in life.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!