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  1. #141
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    Default Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    Do you think that would be different if the children lived with you and only visited the BM? Maybe the not having a lot of time to get to know them?
    I did notice I felt more distant when he moved over 2 hours away and access became absolutely exhausting for all involved.
    It created a sense of "burden" surrounding each visit. Then once he became a teenager, well, that's just awkward.
    I can't ever just be myself and lounge around with no bra. I have to adjust my behaviour when he is here which I guess I resent. I resent his "presence" more so than resent him.

  2. #142
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    threechooks is offline If my spelling annoys you that's your problem.... I have better things to do than proofread !
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    Do you think that would be different if the children lived with you and only visited the BM? Maybe the not having a lot of time to get to know them?
    Yes, time would make all the difference. ATM SK is a visitor not one of us.

  3. #143
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    Default Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by threechooks View Post
    Yes, time would make all the difference. ATM SK is a visitor not one of us.
    That's exactly how it is here too.

  4. #144
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    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    I did notice I felt more distant when he moved over 2 hours away and access became absolutely exhausting for all involved.
    It created a sense of "burden" surrounding each visit. Then once he became a teenager, well, that's just awkward.
    I can't ever just be myself and lounge around with no bra. I have to adjust my behaviour when he is here which I guess I resent. I resent his "presence" more so than resent him.
    Yes, time would make all the difference. ATM SK is a visitor not one of us.
    Time is a big thing I think. I think that is wy the 50/50 would be good starting at a young age. I can understand the difference now my Ex SS was with us 100% since the age of 2 so he did become one of the family. Its sad that lack of visitation can make a child be a visitor and not a family member. Maybe the courts really need to start putting the 50/50 is better for the kids into play for those non custodial families who want this and want a chance to bond with the child rather then just have a visitor.

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    Default Learn your place?

    Faroutbrusselsprout, I admire your honesty and can totally relate. I find it hard to connect with SK's and we have them 50/50. They were raised completely differently to my own children and had no concept of responsibility or being a member of a family unit. Their personalities grated on me as they were timid and sneaky whereas my children are quick witted and loud, tell you exactly whats going on in their head (sometimes to their own detriment!) Slowly getting there though, but I feel the 'connection' or unconditional love that everyone expects from you will never be there. I used to carry it like a burden but now I just get on with it.

  6. #146
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    threechooks is offline If my spelling annoys you that's your problem.... I have better things to do than proofread !
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    Maybe the courts really need to start putting the 50/50 is better for the kids into play for those non custodial families who want this and want a chance to bond with the child rather then just have a visitor.
    So many cases don't make it anywhere near the courts. In our case we couldn't afford to fight BM in court. She gets govt. aide and my DH works so he gets no help legally. Plus we would have to pay a solictor to represent us to file a breach every time she breached the contact order. That adds up to tens of thousands of dollars......

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    Default Learn your place?

    Quote Originally Posted by threechooks View Post
    So many cases don't make it anywhere near the courts. In our case we couldn't afford to fight BM in court. She gets govt. aide and my DH works so he gets no help legally. Plus we would have to pay a solictor to represent us to file a breach every time she breached the contact order. That adds up to tens of thousands of dollars......
    I hear you, we recently went back to OUR lawyer who told DH to be happy with what he's got, just cop it on the chin for now until kids are old enough to make the decision for themselves as to where they live😱😱

  8. #148
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    At the beginning yes I'd be very angry as she gained my 'family' through cheating with their father so in my opinion she doesn't deserve a family at all considering how little she respected mine. But now, almost 7 years later...I feel pretty indifferent about the whole thing (although I'll always believe she lacks morals and self-respect).

    Recently my daughter needed surgery for something and during the doctor's visits I couldn't be there so her step mum was. When I found out she needed surgery I was up at the hospital pretty quick and sat by her bed during the whole ordeal. Anyway one of the doctor's came in and started talking to the stepmum like she was the mum asking if my daughter's immunisations were up to date etc right in front of me. Even called her 'mum'..."So mum, are all J's immunisations up to date?". And to stepmum's credit she redirected the doctor to J's rightful parent and said "I don't know, best to ask her mother, she's right behind you".

    Once upon a time this would have made me livid but now....I was like 'meh' easy mistake! Stepmum stepped up to the plate when she was needed and graciously backed off when she wasn't so there's really nothing bad I can say about her. I really believe she loves my children and I firmly believe that the more people who love my kids the better so I don't have any qualms with it. Yes once, I would have been very angry and snippy....not not now. A lot of time has passed, a lot of water under the bridge.

    She's still the ***** that helped break up my family but I'm big enough and ugly enough to be a grown up about it and just deal. Can't change things....so may as well accept it. Life is too short to be constantly angry at people, takes up too much precious energy!

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  10. #149
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    Quote Originally Posted by pennylane View Post
    Yeah I had heard about that.I totally see why Brandi would have an issue with LeAnne.

    It would be hard to co-parent with her,But It was Eddie that broke up his family technically.

    I am just curious if people manage to find that seperation between being angry at the women and being appreciative that she loves your children

    It's a tough one.
    Takes time! And yes Eddie broke up the family but he didn't do it alone

  11. #150
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    Quote Originally Posted by ermergerd View Post
    I fear I will have this problem when DH and I ttc our own child. I had my kids names on my arm and when we have a child I will add their name. His dd is not on my arm and she wont ever be. I have a feeling it will cause problems but i refuse to tattoo her name on me, it wouldnt be right
    Nah don't worry too much. My dh has his kid's names tattooed on him and not my kids, and no one cares! LOL So not all kids care about this, some understand a lot more than you think


 

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