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  1. #91
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    Default Learn your place?

    Mathermy and fluffy ducks I would love to hear more from a step child's perspective about all this..

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    Looks like I posted while other posts were happening.

    Please dont feel like you need to reply FOB....I think you have answered my question in your subsequent posts.

    Thanks!

  3. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chew the Mintie View Post
    Mathermy and fluffy ducks I would love to hear more from a step child's perspective about all this..
    happy to! Just need to go collect the kiddie winks from school.

  4. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by FluffyDucks View Post
    FOB - Can I ask I question? I am not trying to be provocative...just trying to understand.

    In one of your inital posts you say that DH treats your son like his own and your son sees your DH like his dad. So it would appear that your sons stepdad has bonded.

    So seeing that your DH has bonded with your son, does that not change the way you feel about your SDD? Like does your DH think...I have made an effort with her son why doesnt she do the same with mine?

    I guess when you say things like "I'd crawl out of my skin if he ever called me mum... *shudder*" just kinda make a person think you hate him.

    As a stepchild myself, I know my stepmum loves me but she absolutley loves her biochild more. I wont go into it but even now it saddens me that I never got to have a close relationship with a mother figure....just because my bio-mum is a loser and through no fault of my own. And as much as my stepmum would think that I dont or never knew that she loved us stepkids less...we knew. We just didnt say anything as it would have caused issues. And its something I will never tell her now.
    Fair question.
    DH is acutely aware that love cannot be switched on and off.
    He fell in love with a tiny toddler without a Dad.
    I met an awkward 8yr old who I barely saw as I worked weekends for the first 2 years of our r/s.
    The situations could never ever even compare.
    Its not about "effort" trust me, I don't choose to feel like this.
    And yes, my statement relates to how strongly I feel about SS not being mine or being a mother figure to him. The concept makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to faroutbrusselsprout For This Useful Post:

    FluffyDucks  (10-12-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    children not finding their place in the world is a consequence of a lack of nurture from the adults in their life. This is not the exclusive domain of blended families, it can happen in any family!
    I never said it was the exclusive domain of blended families. Reading this thread just made me think about how hard it is for kids now to find their place in the world now days....and blended families is what is being discussed here!

    For example....in regards to the tatoo situation. I understand why a parent would choose only their biological childrens names, however, think about how gut wrenching that would feel for a young person. It's really sad. I know a lot of beautiful blended families, who are amazing. But I know realistically it's not always like that. There are so many blended famillies where kids feel out of place now. Divorce rate is extremely high, not to mention broken families that aren't married in the first place so don't count in the statistics. I also understand that its extremely hard for the adults too. At least adults can logically understand and sort through their feelings, where as children aren't as good at doing that.

    I'm not placing any blame, I just think it's really sad!

  7. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Jarylee For This Useful Post:

    Blessedwith3boys  (10-12-2012),Chew the Mintie  (10-12-2012),Mathermy  (10-12-2012),SassyMummy  (10-12-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by FluffyDucks View Post
    Looks like I posted while other posts were happening.

    Please dont feel like you need to reply FOB....I think you have answered my question in your subsequent posts.

    Thanks!
    Already did! Hope that makes things a little clearer.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ermergerd View Post
    Is she cruel to the boy? No. Is she mean or nasty and treating him liek the next harry potter? No. She doesnt have to love him hes not her child.
    FOBS is adding 'cupboard under the stairs' to her house hunting list.

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    My best friend from high school told me she felt like my parents cared for her more than her own parents did. Her stepdad was abusive, and her mum was also abused and incredibly run down - she did nothing about it. Her stepmum made it abundantly clear that she wasn't HER child and that her boys were far more important than her and her brother. She did get a tattoo of the boy's names and deliberately left her and her brother off.

    That situation is a little different though because for her, NOBODY vouched for her. Nobody stood up for her. Nobody loved her or wanted her. The tattoo thing does stand out so I'm bl00dy glad DP doesn't like them.

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    Chew the Mintie  (10-12-2012)

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    Default Learn your place?

    I'm going to have an official step-son one of these days and to be honest........... I am not looking forward to it.
    I have a son whom I love very much, he's my absolute favourite child and I think everyone should love him, especially my boyfriend. My son is 3 and adorable, a bit of a brat but very sweet when he wants to be. He's not messed up, as he doesn't have contact with his nut job birth father so it's just us and my parents and brothers.

    My potential step son, on the other hand.... Well. He's 7 and messed up. His parents were on again off again for all of his life. His mother is a complete psychopath and cheated in his dad and had another baby, then split up with the babydaddy, and so my bf moved back into her house to raise her kids with her, then she forced him to move out again. She tells my potential SS that his daddy doesn't like him, and that he's too busy for him, and that when he has to go away for work that he's abandoning him cos he's naughty. None of that is remotely true. The boy tells lies. He's over sensitive and cries at the drop of a hat. He throws enormous tantrums for no reason at really inopportune times. He has his moments of being sweet, but mostly he's rude and dismissive of my son, who wants to be his friend.

    I don't blame this boy for who he is; he's a product of a lousy home environment and an emotionally abusive, manipulative mother. But. I do not love him. I barely like him. He doesn't know. Trust me, he doesn't know. I rarely see him so this is not a difficult charade to keep up. His dad doesn't know that I don't expect to ever feel more than an obligation towards him.

    Don't crucify FOB for having the courage to be honest when so many others feel a similar way. It's natural. It's normal. Come into a child's life at age 3 is a heck of a lot different that at age 7, when they've already developed a strong personality and been messed up by others in their life.

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    Ashram  (12-12-2012)

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    My step-mum has affection for us, that's shown in her continued interest in our lives since we've moved out of our parents care, but we were never ever equal to her children and I don't think we should've been.

    I was forced to emancipate as soon as I turned 16 as my step-mothers adult daughter had gotten pregnant and was moving into our home which was already bursting at the seams, I shared a room with 4 boys for a couple of months, then emancipated...

    I had resentment towards my dad as it was his job to provide somewhere for me to live, but being my step-mothers house I was very aware that her daughters needs came before mine, so I resented him for being in a position where he couldn't provide for me. She was just doing what a parent does for her child.


 

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