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  1. #1
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    Default What should step-children call extended family?

    A bit of a spin off the last thread, but something I have been wondering!

    DP isn't her father. But we were talking about what she should call his parents... DP wants her to call them pop and nan, because that's what his family has always called their grandparents. But it's not like we're married. I don't know why I feel weirded out like this, like I'm trying to smuggle my little baby wren into their nest of pelicans or something.

    DD doesn't call DP dad, and it feels weird to suddenly start calling these people pop and nan. Too presumptuous, you know?

    I haven't spoken to DP's mother about this, because it feels awkward. Like if I mention it, it will become an issue, or be disrespectful, because weirdly, I feel like DP's mother is kinda owned the respect of the title "nan" because she's very loving and wonderful and goes out of her way for us. She takes a lot of interest in DD. She's very thoughtful, and has spoken about DD to her grandchildren.

    And yet... because DP and I aren't even engaged, I feel weird about it. Maybe I should just make DP propose already? We live together, he's already told his mother he wants to marry me, he's told me he wants to marry me, except he was all "I wanted to propose to you the first week you moved down here, except I didn't want to seem needy."
    "WHY NOT NOW?"
    "Dunno."

    Her 8 year old grand daughter says "if you marry uncle, you'll be my aunty!"
    so I asked what would DD be, and she said "my cousin!"

    If DP and I had children, his family would not view DD any different from their biological kin I imagine.

    Should I just EMBRACE the whole thing, even though it bothers me a bit?

  2. #2
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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Default What should step-children call extended family?

    If you embrace it are you likely to still hold this weird feeling and possibly regret later?

    My parents are divorced, they divorced when I was about 10.

    Both re partnered and I was wondering what DD should call their partners. And to which one became granddad and the other nan. But I welcomed it with open arms and don't mind DD thinking of my step brothers and sisters as her aunties and uncles. If she was to do so down the track.

    But if you have reservations then maybe it's best to avoid it for now?

    How ever if you feel they play the grandparent role, you know engaged or not you'll be with DP long term then why not

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    Missbean  (08-12-2012)

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    When I was a teenager my mum remarried, I then called my step dad's parents nanna "first name" and poppy "first name". It wasn't weird for us, but I was a teenager then to able to make my own decision. Could you suggest something similar to DP.

    That way your DD is still included, but there is also a bit of separation too.

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    Missbean  (08-12-2012)

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    I call my stepdad by his name (sometimes call him dad, and if I'm talking to people I don't know well I will refer to him as dad) my dad passed away when I was 5.

    But, I call stepdads parents and stepmum by grandparenty names, always have. Up until 2010 both sets of blood related grandparents were still around so I had plenty of grandparents!

    My step-grand parents (until recently when step granny lost her mind) have made me feel like part of the family, I was never treated different to my 1/2 brothers.

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    Missbean  (08-12-2012)

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    Default What should step-children call extended family?

    My step daughter has been warmly welcomed into my side of the family and refers to my parents as Poppy **** and my mum as Nanna ***** . She also calls my brothers and sister aunty & uncle... So everyone has a family name except me lol I'm just plain old AppleIsleSMum lol

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    Missbean  (08-12-2012)

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    Default What should step-children call extended family?

    My SS calls my parents by their name. They're not his grandparents so I wouldn't want it any other way.
    Just like I will be called my name by SS's kids if he ever has any. I won't be their 'grandmother' and will reserve that for my own grandchildren.
    However my kids call my step mum and step dad Pop and Grandma!

    Whatever works for your family I say.

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    Missbean  (08-12-2012)

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    My dad's partners grandkids call him Poppa and adore him. I call my grandfather's wife Aunty *****, she was only 30 when I met her.

    My kids will call my step-mum Nana **** and step-dad Grandpa **** when they someday meet them.

    I have uncles with step-children, we refer to them as our cousins if we have grown up with them in our family.

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    Missbean  (08-12-2012)

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    TrulyBlessed is offline Winner 2009 - Member you would most like to meet in Real Life
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    Default What should step-children call extended family?

    My kids call DP's parents Mem-Ma & Pa just like my DP's nephews and my DSD calls my parents Nanna & Sharna like my kids do.

    Each child is treated equally in our family (not his and mine but ours) regardless if it's one of my 3 or DSD who I count as one of my girls.

    We wanted it this way as we were expecting our own child together but sadly lost it last week at 11 weeks.

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    Missbean  (08-12-2012)

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    I think it's ok to call them nanna or pop ect.

    My younger cousins from my mothers family call my dad's parents nanna"**" and grandad "**".

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    Missbean  (08-12-2012)

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    Default What should step-children call extended family?

    I remember my mum telling me that they suggested to call call them aunty/uncle/grandma/grandpa because they probably didn't want me to feel different to the other kids (and they really were and still are lovely to me and always include me) so I felt comfortable enough to do so and I really hated being asked why I call SD by name so I felt it was easier with the extended family.

    So what I'm rambling on about is-have a conversation with your child about it, see what she thinks about it, you may find she wants to, so she doesn't feel different from the other kids, especially if they're nice to her.

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    Missbean  (08-12-2012)


 

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