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  1. #1
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    Default What should kids call step parents

    My fiance has a son who is 15mnths old. This is his first child and the bmothers 3rd to 3 different fathers. Her eldest lives with with his father and has no relationship with my fiance. Her middle child lived with him from the time she was 3.5 to 5. The mother encouraged her to call him daddy and said a lot of things about the bfather which turned out to be lies. They have been seperated for 12 months and the mother continues to lie to her daughter about who her father is. I was hoping for some ideas about how to go forward. should my fiance let this child call him daddy and encourage this relationship knowing it impacts on the bfathers ability to develop a relationship with his daughter. Should I encourage his son to call me mummy and not worry about any of the other stuff.

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    Default Re: What should kids call step parents

    I hate the idea of encouraging a child to call someone mummy/daddy.

    If it happens i probably wouldn't deny the child the right to call you mum, buti certainly wouldn't enrage his soon to call you mum, especially of you've not even been together a year. It's creating a whole range of problems/challenges for the future.

    As for birth mum having a non related child call your dp daddy, well it rings alarm bells. Can he tell bm it makes him uncomfortable if he feels the same? Lying to a child like that seems so wrong. It's like setting her up for an identity crisis later on in life.

    Spent from my dome. Excuse autocorrect

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    I think if the other parent is involved step parents should be called by their first name. If I found out my kids were calling the exes new **** mum he'll would break lose! I'm their mum not the **** he left us for.
    If I get a partner my kids will call him by his first name, he isn't their Dad they have one who sees them regually.

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    Thanks izy. I Don't actually want his son to call me mum. I think that is something that should be reserved for birth parents. I'm happy to be called by my first name. My fiance wants her to continue to call him daddy it is me that thinks its wrong but dont know how to convince people.

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    I was thinking more along the lines of spending a day or 2 saying ' come to mummy' to get the pair of them to see what they are with her middle child is very manipulative and not in her best interests. But that is not a very mature response.

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    She was an idiot to do that when the relationship was only short-lived, and IMO, what a child calls a step-parent should be solely between that child and the step-parent. Nobody else really deserves a say in that IMO. If they're both happy to call the step-parent "Dad" or "Mum" or something, then that's how it should be. Both need to be comfortable with it, and it needs to be the child's choice.

    Given the child was young, the mother obviously didn't let the child choose... but what's done is done I suppose. I think you'd do right to just allow a relationship between you and his son to develop naturally and if he decided to call you Mum, he will, and I think that if you're happy with him deciding you're worth that title, then let him. That's how I'd approach that situation anyway.

    I'd hope that your partner wants to remain in this other child's life, since he IS father to the child's sibling anyway, and she has always believed he was her father. It would be heartbreaking for her to be ignored by the man she believes is her parent, while watching him interact with her sibling as per usual.

    DP has said that even if he and I split up (he is not DD's father), he will continue to see her, just as he would if she were his own. I'm really happy with that - he's been her father figure for years now, and she's developed a relationship with him. She hasn't chosen to call him "Dad" yet, but she views him as if he is, and often tells her friends he is. It would be dreadful if we broke up and he just abandoned her... because while he's not actually her father, he's taken that role for the majority of her life.

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    Default What should kids call step parents

    My step son calls me by my name and my step daughter calls me mum. I agree with Sassy I think it is up to the child. I have been their step mum for 7 years and it is just recently DSD has started to call me mum and DSS seems to be happy with my name which is fine by me.

    I always thought I wouldn't allow them to call me mum as they already have one but over time I have realized that I cannot control it nor did I encourage it.

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    My step children have always called me by my first name. (I've known them since they were 2 and 4).

    For us it was a no brainer as they still have a mother very much in their lives. I think it's a totally different situation if the child no longer has a birth parent in their life, however, in saying that, I think they still need to know even if they choose to call a step parent by mum or dad, it needs to be continued to be discussed over the years that they do have another birth parent somewhere (whether alive or deceased), just not in their life currently, so they don't get resentful later in life when the truth is obvious.

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    Default What should kids call step parents

    I also believe it should be up to the child what they call step parents. My DSS calls me mum when he's with us and by my first name when he's at his mums and he calls his stepdad 'dad' when he's with them and by his first name when he's here. We're all very much involved in his life and referring to his step dad and I as mum/dad etc has being 100% his choice and something he started doing in his own time.

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    Default What should kids call step parents

    Same as Beachside Mum - my girls call DP daddy at home with us but by name when they're at their bio dad's house. They chose to call him that of their own accord so we're fine with it. I fully believe that children should be the one's to make the decision. Not adults


 

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