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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by LilMuffin View Post
    Deserama I am so sorry that you went through all of that it breaks my haert to think someone could dothat to someone they love. Thankyou for sharing, there are not many warning signs that you have listed there that apply but DH has always dressed nice and made himself look presentable so nothing new. The only thing that stood out was the deodorant that i smelled on him usually he comes home smelling like grease and oil, it's actually a bit of a turn on for me lol. He did make a massive point of brushing his hair in a certain way on Wed too maybe that was because of this I don't know. I will keep a close eye out for any of the other signs you mentioned. Again i'm sorry that you are giving me advice on something you had to get first hand experience from.
    See here you are letting people in this thread get into your head you cant do that. If you look hard enough you can prob find anything to seem that one is cheating. Like I could assume my husband is cheating if he shaved and shaped his beard himself because I usually do it for him but maybe he just felt like doing it himself. Dont let your suspicions take over what you are really looking at.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ellymoe View Post
    Add 'Using offence as a weapon' eg. when confronted with evidence suggesting an affair (or anything, for that matter), becoming angry that you could accuse them of such a thing! And making that the focus to deflect from the evidence. I've never been cheated on but people use this strategy in all sorts of situations
    I would be pretty upset if I was doing nothing wrong and my husband accused me of cheating I would prob get defensive too I mean really.

    Quote Originally Posted by LilMuffin View Post
    So we talked and I am a lil confused. He said that he wen't there after work because it was on his way to his mums and he wen't there after. He told me he was there for 10 mins and her mum was there too. I listened to everything he said but then he said that I should trust him and I am being paranoid, isn't that like getting defensive? i also checked his phone and her number isn't in there, he said she called his work directly. he didn't once say he loved me he just said he wouldn't cheat because he is my husband and we have been together a long time but that makes no sense as husbands who have been married for ages cheat. he changed the subject alot too like eg., he was eating some of my Starburst snakes and said these are really yummy, then he started talking about the mortgage broker and i had to redirect him back to the issue. I asked him about not wanting to have sex and he said it was because he is really tired at the moment which is always his excuse. Then he left the room and said he would come back when im not upset anymore. Two mins later he comes in gets his wallet and mobile and says he is going to get petrol, i looked at him and he just laughed and said I'll be back in 10 mins. So what do you think, I am so confused.
    Think about how many times women on here post that they are not interested in sex here and there or they are just too tired to have sex does this mean they are cheating? No so the same can go for men. Men get tired, men may not want to have sex all the time its normal.

    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    He's gone back to her place to ask the woman "If she rings and asks if your mum was there tell her 'yes'" He called you paranoid - he didn't try and reassure you that he loves you and wouldn't do that.

    The phone number could be under a different name in his phone.

    I'm sorry honey...he's either cheated already or about to (flirty with a view to) He's in panic mode right now.
    This poor guy if he isnt cheating because his wife is getting her head filled with a lot and he may be completely innocent but things like this are going to make her paranoid now.

    Quote Originally Posted by FluffyDucks View Post
    Wow! I was thinking of giving him he benefit of the doubt but it seems like he has already been labelled as a cheater and thats it.

    Maybe its just innocent....maybe he actually went and got petrol. My DP doesnt tell me he loves me. I think I get that maybe once a year if I am lucky. And DP does get tired and doesnt want to DTD....isnt that normal in a healthy relationship?

    I can understand some of the ladies on BH have been hurt terribly in the past but it doesnt necessarily mean that this guy is a cheater.

    We are only hearing one side...and the OP is already very upset and from all the advise she is getting here is saying 'hes cheating, hes cheating'....plus being pregnant and hormonal probably isnt helping the situation.

    OP....if I were you....and you know your husband the best out of all of us....when he comes back from getting petrol just tell him how you feel. Tell him you are scared that he may be cheating, that you are sad he hasnt made love to you in a while, that you are afraid that this person is trying to cause trouble. Just come out and say it all.

    What do you think in your heart of hearts?

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  3. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsOhara View Post
    Why would he go for a drive just to get petrol if he's only just got home? Why not get it on the way home?

    Something doesn't add up at all OP, hope you sort it all out though xo
    I have done that before gotten home and said oh crap need to go get gas, I have also gotten home only to notice just then I need gas so I go back out and get it so I dont have to before work.

  4. #83
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    Sorry that you are going through this and i hope he is being honest. It does seem pretty suss though and i agree with the pp why did he go home and then have to go get petrol? If you were upset he shouldnt have made it like a joke so to me he seems to be deflecting or avoiding the questions. Hope you sort this out.

  5. #84
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    He didn't take his car to work today he took my mums for a service so i see why he would get petrol because it was really cheap today. I checked his phone when he got back and his last dialled number was me so unless there is some way of deleting your last contact i don't think he would call her. I am really good friends with her mum too and he knows this (i used to work with her too) so saying she was there I can easily find that out. I don't know now i think I am just going to have to come out and aak him straight up and i will know if he is lying.

  6. #85
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    Some guys do try to diffuse stressful or emotional situations by making jokes or changing the subject too. Not all guys are completely ib tune with emotions. Only the OP knows if this applies to him though. I know when im emotional or worked up about something there is often nothing my husband could say to make me feel better or calm me down. He knows this, he also knows when im wound up emotionally and spoiling for a fight and in those situations he'll often try to lighten or change the subject, or even walk away. He sometimes finds it hard to cope with my emotions, maybe OPs partner is a bit like this?

    And I have to say that if I wasn't cheating and my husband accused me of it I'd likely get a bit stroppy and defensive. Being defensive doesn't *always* mean something is up.

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  8. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post


    I would be pretty upset if I was doing nothing wrong and my husband accused me of cheating I would prob get defensive too I mean really.

    So would I. But if he wanted to discuss something that made him worry that I might be cheating (eg something I had kept secret that he had somehow found out about that looked worse than it really was) I would reassure him, rather than fly off the handle about him even hinting that I could be cheating. That's what I meant.

  9. #87
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    Default Re: Does he have something to hide?

    Quote Originally Posted by LilMuffin View Post
    He didn't take his car to work today he took my mums for a service so i see why he would get petrol because it was really cheap today. I checked his phone when he got back and his last dialled number was me so unless there is some way of deleting your last contact i don't think he would call her. I am really good friends with her mum too and he knows this (i used to work with her too) so saying she was there I can easily find that out. I don't know now i think I am just going to have to come out and aak him straight up and i will know if he is lying.
    You can easily delete call logs from a mobile, with smart phones its super easy.


    Good luck hun and I hope it all works out innocent.

    Sent from my HTC Wildfire S A510b using BubHub

  10. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ellymoe View Post
    So would I. But if he wanted to discuss something that made him worry that I might be cheating (eg something I had kept secret that he had somehow found out about that looked worse than it really was) I would reassure him, rather than fly off the handle about him even hinting that I could be cheating. That's what I meant.
    True but I would prob have to calm down before and honestly I would prob laugh in his face because the thought is crazy I would think he was being paranoid and would prob tell him that.

  11. #89
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    This poor guy if he isnt cheating because his wife is getting her head filled with a lot and he may be completely innocent but things like this are going to make her paranoid now.
    She was already worried that's why she made a post on a parenting forum.

    But as I said, I could be wrong. It could all be a misunderstanding and dealt badly by him. Either way, he needs to pull his head in and listen to his wife who is obviously going through a hard time right now.

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  13. #90
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    There's no way to know at this point what happened.

    I wouldn't be thinking, "he's cheating!" because all the 'evidence' for that could also just be coincidence... but I wouldn't be thinking he's definitely not either. I'd keep my eyes and ears open wide and see if anything else might lead you to believe he's cheating, or believe he's not. I'd ask him questions to help further that investigation, and judge not just what he says but how he says them, the body language he conveys whilst answering etc. See how it makes you feel...

    I'd just keep gathering info until I was satisfied either way tbh.


 

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