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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    - Well for starters they'll try and deflect the situation by putting it on you...so calling your paranoid and saying that you obvioulsy have issues/self-esteem etc as I said. Someone who is innocent will try and re-assure you, and admit that they made a mistake (ie hubby admitting that going to fix her car was dumb..should have told you etc but honey, I can understand how you feel but honest to god nothing not even remotely near anything happened with this chick...and from now on I'll cut all communication with her etc). If his automatic response is one of defence and deflect then - he's guilty of something.
    Add 'Using offence as a weapon' eg. when confronted with evidence suggesting an affair (or anything, for that matter), becoming angry that you could accuse them of such a thing! And making that the focus to deflect from the evidence. I've never been cheated on but people use this strategy in all sorts of situations

  2. #52
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    Just a thought about the deodorant. You said he went to dr, so maybe he put it on for the dr. I know my Dh would have. Not defending him just think aloud.

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  4. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ellymoe View Post
    Add 'Using offence as a weapon' eg. when confronted with evidence suggesting an affair (or anything, for that matter), becoming angry that you could accuse them of such a thing! And making that the focus to deflect from the evidence. I've never been cheated on but people use this strategy in all sorts of situations
    Yes that came with the "You're a paranoid schitzophrenic and you have major issues" LOL - idiot! (not you...my exh)

  5. #54
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    I just wanted to let you know I got l worked up about DH a few years ago and "friends" were convincing me he was cheating. I spoke to him and knew straight away that he wasn't. I know my DH the best. You do too, no-one here knows him like you do. Women's intuition is an amazing thing....listen to your gut, if it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't. You are pregnant but that doesn't mean you aren't sexy. My DH was always a bit funny about DTD when I was pregnant, but that's a silly man thing about the baby...not you. You sound like ten times the women and if he is attracted to someone like that, he isn't worth your time. Let us know how you go, big hugs

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    I think his behaviour is concerning but I'd be surprised if he's actually cheated. Id assume that if he was cheating they'd have it all worked out. Why would she message you letting you know that he was there? Surely if something was going on she wouldn't say anything so that they could keep hooking up?

    Thats not to say he hasn't been flirting or whatever which is still not ok. But it just doesn't read the way an actual affair would if you know what I mean?

  7. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by WineTime View Post
    Surely if something was going on she wouldn't say anything so that they could keep hooking up?
    or she could be like the women who leave an earring or knickers, or lip stick marks intentionally so they can have the man to themselves.

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  9. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    or she could be like the women who leave an earring or knickers, or lip stick marks intentionally so they can have the man to themselves.

    Maybe...but theres no way she could pass this off to him as an accident though like those women do. He'd know she intentionally messaged OP and then be furious with her for 'ruining his secret'. It reads more like trouble making than an affair. He still owes the OP some answers.

  10. #58
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    So we talked and I am a lil confused. He said that he wen't there after work because it was on his way to his mums and he wen't there after. He told me he was there for 10 mins and her mum was there too. I listened to everything he said but then he said that I should trust him and I am being paranoid, isn't that like getting defensive? i also checked his phone and her number isn't in there, he said she called his work directly. he didn't once say he loved me he just said he wouldn't cheat because he is my husband and we have been together a long time but that makes no sense as husbands who have been married for ages cheat. he changed the subject alot too like eg., he was eating some of my Starburst snakes and said these are really yummy, then he started talking about the mortgage broker and i had to redirect him back to the issue. I asked him about not wanting to have sex and he said it was because he is really tired at the moment which is always his excuse. Then he left the room and said he would come back when im not upset anymore. Two mins later he comes in gets his wallet and mobile and says he is going to get petrol, i looked at him and he just laughed and said I'll be back in 10 mins. So what do you think, I am so confused.

  11. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by WineTime View Post
    I think his behaviour is concerning but I'd be surprised if he's actually cheated. Id assume that if he was cheating they'd have it all worked out. Why would she message you letting you know that he was there? Surely if something was going on she wouldn't say anything so that they could keep hooking up?

    Thats not to say he hasn't been flirting or whatever which is still not ok. But it just doesn't read the way an actual affair would if you know what I mean?
    Some women want the wife to know that they're messing with the husband, especially when the husband is just a bit of fun to them, rather than a serious partner. Its kind of like a cat spraying to mark its territory.... And some enjoy watching the panic this causes to both the wife and husband.

    And some women like to do this and freak out the wife even when they've just been flirting with the husband. A bit of a 'I could have him if I wanted, he's dangling on my string, just so you know..'

    Anyway, I hope your DH isn't cheating and you can get this all out in the open and cleared up OP. Good luck tonight.

  12. #60
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    Default Re: Does he have something to hide?

    No idea tbh..

    But regardless I dnt think he should be laughing at you and calling you paranoid... he should be hugging you and making you feel reassured.

    Hope it's nothing I really do x

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using BubHub


 

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