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  1. #41
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    Agree with delirium, I dont think he's going to tell you the truth. I if theres something going on. Which is why you should let him do the talking. Let him run his mouth, it'll give him just enough rope to eventually hang himself if he is guilty.

    At the very least he obviously likes or wants to attention she's giving him.

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    Can I give you a hint? I've been cheated on and I know others who have been cheated on but the key word is 'paranoid' If he makes it YOUR problem and avoids the questions by accusing you of being paranoid and having low self-esteem and that you're the one with a problem....those are MAJOR alarm bells.

    There are other signs too BTW.

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  4. #43
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    Default Re: Does he have something to hide?

    I agree with pp about letting him do the talking! ask him a leading question like 'so are you going to tell me your version of events or shall I just assume what I have been told is true?

    He'll wonder what you were told and hopefully confirm her story.

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

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    Default Re: Does he have something to hide?

    What are thebother signs deserama?

    How awful op, hope all comes clean soon!

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using BubHub

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    Well it is 6.30 and he is not home yet, he did try and call but i didn't answer because I just don't know what to say. The good thing is we have been together so long I can tell when he is lying that's why i need to do it face to face. He has lied about a few things in the past nothing major and he is a terrible liar so i will be able to tell. Even if he developed this great strength to lie about this he will tell me the truth because I wont let this go and make his life hell until he does. Everytime I read a reply where someone thinks he is cheating it literally breaks my heart but i need an outsiders perspective on this. We have been through so much together and it absolutely kills me that I think I could ever be in this situation.

  7. #46
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    - Well for starters they'll try and deflect the situation by putting it on you...so calling your paranoid and saying that you obvioulsy have issues/self-esteem etc as I said. Someone who is innocent will try and re-assure you, and admit that they made a mistake (ie hubby admitting that going to fix her car was dumb..should have told you etc but honey, I can understand how you feel but honest to god nothing not even remotely near anything happened with this chick...and from now on I'll cut all communication with her etc). If his automatic response is one of defence and deflect then - he's guilty of something.

    - The obvious ones where they are late from work but can't seem to tell you what they were doing. Things not adding up...taking 4 hrs to do shopping which should have take an hour etc. Umm..smelling like perfume,,,lipstick on collar...the usual stuff.

    - Less obvious ones is what my ex dh did. Suddenly my ex changed the type of underwear he wore (I know....strange but hear me out) He went from wearing holey jocks (and didn't care) to purchasing those boxer underdaks type underwear and suddenly concerned as to whether he looked sexy in them.

    Changed his hair style...took more time with it. Ex went from shaving his head (which I always hated) to having a nice style cut which he knew I loved...and keeping it that way (he's kept it that way ever since)

    Changed his style of clothing...from wearing footy shorts and t'shirts to cargo shorts and button up shirts.

    Changed his music...going from thinking that 'James Blunt" sounded like a girl and hated him...to buying his CD and playing it in the car everywhere he went.

    Going from not caring about his health to suddenly a fitness fanatic and asking me if I thought he looked sexy. He had a hairy back, suddenly concerned about how that looked and asked me to wax it.

    This was all sudden and all at the same time...not a gradual change over years or anything as styles and tastes change.

    - The sex one we didn't have. He was going and having sex with her (unprotected) then coming home and having sex with me, the same night *shudders* but according to others I know, going from someone who couldn't get enough of you to being 'meh' about sex or even your body - big sign!!!

    - A lot of weird questions "Is this life what you pictured for us 10 years ago?" blah blah blah (they came fair bit into the affair, obviously fishing for our marriage to die a natural death thus making guilt free because he didn't cause it - it failed)

    That's all I can think of so far.

  8. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by LilMuffin View Post
    Well it is 6.30 and he is not home yet, he did try and call but i didn't answer because I just don't know what to say. The good thing is we have been together so long I can tell when he is lying that's why i need to do it face to face. He has lied about a few things in the past nothing major and he is a terrible liar so i will be able to tell. Even if he developed this great strength to lie about this he will tell me the truth because I wont let this go and make his life hell until he does. Everytime I read a reply where someone thinks he is cheating it literally breaks my heart but i need an outsiders perspective on this. We have been through so much together and it absolutely kills me that I think I could ever be in this situation.
    Dont let it get you worked up you need a clear head to talk if you go into it with your head filled with all this you may not get the same out of the conversation.

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    Deserama I am so sorry that you went through all of that it breaks my haert to think someone could dothat to someone they love. Thankyou for sharing, there are not many warning signs that you have listed there that apply but DH has always dressed nice and made himself look presentable so nothing new. The only thing that stood out was the deodorant that i smelled on him usually he comes home smelling like grease and oil, it's actually a bit of a turn on for me lol. He did make a massive point of brushing his hair in a certain way on Wed too maybe that was because of this I don't know. I will keep a close eye out for any of the other signs you mentioned. Again i'm sorry that you are giving me advice on something you had to get first hand experience from.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LilMuffin View Post
    Deserama I am so sorry that you went through all of that it breaks my haert to think someone could dothat to someone they love. Thankyou for sharing, there are not many warning signs that you have listed there that apply but DH has always dressed nice and made himself look presentable so nothing new. The only thing that stood out was the deodorant that i smelled on him usually he comes home smelling like grease and oil, it's actually a bit of a turn on for me lol. He did make a massive point of brushing his hair in a certain way on Wed too maybe that was because of this I don't know. I will keep a close eye out for any of the other signs you mentioned. Again i'm sorry that you are giving me advice on something you had to get first hand experience from.
    It's ok it was a lot time ago now...coming up 7 years. The woman he was cheating with is now my children's step mum LOL So yeh I've been forced to 'get over it' if you know what I mean?

    These signs happened over a period of time. I can't tell for sure at what stage of the affair it all happened, I would say probably at the beginning and working from there I guess, as he got more brazen. And obviously not all of them would happen.

    I hope so much that I'm wrong in your situation. I hope he comes home and just admits it was a shear case of misjudgement and not thinking straight.

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    Default Does he have something to hide?

    Couldn't read without hugs. I hope you get to the bottom of all of this


 

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